The Road Runner, Priscilla Queen of the Desert--Palm Springs, CA Dec 29, 2011

We bought the "new" diesel motorhome. I said new simply because it will be new to us, but the new motorhome is a few years old and no it ain't old enough to have an eight track tape player. But get this, its odometer reads 7000 miles.  We actually will receive it next week. It has most of the features that we really wanted, and is a little older than I wanted, but we thought it was a good replacement for The Love Boat. We don't know what to call it yet, so I am going to call it The Road Runner until I find a better name for it. The name The Road Runner came to us during a walk yesterday when we actually saw a road runner.  The name likely will change in the coming weeks. Walter and Melissa from Raleigh are flying to Palm Springs to help us bring the motorhomes to Raleighwood.  You remember Walter as the young man that has traveled with us a few times.  I guess we will have us  a convey there good buddy.  Here are a few pictures of The Road Runner (dang that name will change).

No, the cheesy table on the bed was added by the dealer to entice nitwits.   I won't bore you with the details, but I will say the new motorhome is seven feet longer than The Love Boat, and has almost three times the torque of The Love Boat with only a weight gain of 50%. All of the engineers that read this blog will know what that last sentence means. Basically, The Road Runner has a great deal more pulling and vehicle passing power, and it will have at least 50% better fuel mileage. For the democrats that read this blog who are skeptical of the truth, you know who you are because your lips are moving as you read this, yes the thing will get better fuel economy due to it being a diesel. If you don't believe me please readjust your tinfoil cap as it is too tight.

We are having a few things changed on The Road Runner, because it is cheaper to have that kind of work done here than it Raleighwood.  First, we are having some repainting done where a few scratches are present. Second, we are having the carpeting replaced which is tremendously expensive in NC due to the labor.  The Road Runner will look almost new.  Enough talk about the stupid motorhome. What you guys want to know about is what nitwit did I run into.

Let's just say that I did almost run into a nitwit.  Last night I was walking from The Love Boat to my in-laws place (Deb and The Puppies were already there) which is a couple/three blocks away. I cut through the park to shorten the trip instead of walking around the road which is a little longer.  Anyway, I had to walk past the laundry which has a large walkway beside it. Here is a picture and please note the curb on the right of the walkway and the open entrance in the center of the picture but at the end of the building.

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As I said, I was walking down this path along the right side of the path. I was actually a foot from the curb. Well, out walks Priscilla, Queen of the Desert at a somewhat hurried pace from the entrance that I just pointed out. I should add that Priscilla was about a foot shorter than me in height.  The nitwit walked at a diagonal headed to the curb where The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy was walking, jabbering about something that was said for my benefit. Then Priscilla hurriedly cut between me and the curb jabbering some idjit nonsense. Again, I was about a foot from the curb.  What got me was when Priscilla looked up at me--jabbering the entire time--and gave The Big Ole Dumb Heterosexual Southern Boy a look like he had met his next next mattress polo partner. I was appalled and fairly irritated that he cut in front of me but being flirtatious was a lot to process with my limited brain capacity, so I just growled at him.   The equivalent scenario would have me walking up to a mama bear after kicking her cub and telling the mama bear that she would look wonderful adorning my boudoir.  Believe you me,  I thought about dropkicking Priscilla through his goalposts of life, but I didn't and kept walking.  Meanwhile Priscilla was jabbering and looking back at me as I was walking away. Again, I would equate that to me yelling at the mama bear who was walking away, "Come back and give me some good loving baby". Jumping gee willikers.  The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy has no desires to switch teams--end of subject.

Yall have a great day.
Al

Sunny Day, Christmas Dinner, Dog Tricks--Palm Springs Dec 26, 2011

The weather in Palm Springs was beautiful yesterday. The day was bright and sunny with the temperature about 100 degrees hotter than the weather has been for the last three weeks. I would venture to say that the weather change is about par for the course  since we are leaving to go home in the next week, and it will be cold in Raleighwood. Poor Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy. Boo hoo. Yeah right.

I'm going to break a rule of mine and talk about a family gathering.  I normally refrain from such practices but will this once. Deb and I had dinner at her uncle's house yesterday (Christmas Day) along with a dozen or so of Deb's family.   Deb's uncle invited a couple friends of his for dinner that sort of knew me from a dinner that we attended a couple years ago. The gentleman decided to be funny and tell Southern jokes clearly at my expense. The gentleman certainly didn't know about my switchblade wit that I carry around with me everywhere but usually holster to keep from being jabbed by my wife for attacking lightly armored class clowns.  Let's just say my wit requires a concealed weapons permit to carry.  Anyway, this gentleman poked the Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy a few times trying to get a rise out of this uneducated, inbred simpleton. Deb heard what was going on and had her poker pulled back and armed like a Canadian trebuchet, but I didn't give her the opportunity to use it. Now you know I had several opportunities to reach into my backpocket and pull out my witblade but Deb was within optimal poking distance, besides I didn't want to make the gentleman cry in front of his plasticized wife.  Accordingly, the gentleman went home without a clawed and jelly-like psyche. The Puppies heard the jokes and didn't find them funny either because they are Southerners too. The Puppies wanted to pee on his leg-- let's just say great minds think alike. But they didn't and I didn't and somebody will likely write a Christmas song to commemorate the event.

After dinner Deb did her dog tricks starring The Puppies along with their cousin puppy Dexter. Deb had The Puppies perform tricks like chasing their tails and lying down.  Deb would hold up food over their heads and the dogs would do exactly what she wanted. They might not have liked the trick but did it because they wanted the doggie biscuit. The Big Ole Dumb, Inbred, Simpleton Southern Boy watched the tricks and thought about the situation for a moment and decided that we should do something similar with money for the folks on welfare. We could hold money over their head and say, "Get a job, get a job".  We could also do that with Democrats too, "Get a clue, get a clue".  Then you pat them on the head and tell them to shut up and go off.   Monty doesn't find this metaphor very funny.


That is all for today. I hope your Christmas was good and Santa didn't poop down your chimney.
Al

Lutefisk, Elmer Fudd --Palm Springs Dec 25, 2011

Well Deb and her family had their Christmas Eve tradition last night of eating lutefisk. It is a white fish that is dried, then reconstituted with water and lye. Yes I said lye.  No, Big Ole Dumb Southern Boys don't and won't eat fish soaked in lye.   I read where lutefisk permanently stains sterling silverware so stainless steel is required. Do you think it could be the lye that ruins silver? Geez Louise. 

The Puppies are having a blast walking on the trail near our park. Monty loves chasing or rather trying to chase rabbits that are plentiful during the walk. We saw about 20 or more the other day many being in packs. Monty reminds me of Elmer Fudd sneaking up on the rabbits. He tiptoes up to a good viewpoint then looks back at us with an evil smile then turns back to pounce on the rabbit pack. Of course, he is on a leash and can't reach them but he tries snorting and scratching the entire time.   The Puppies have a blast on their walks.


I've watched A Christmas Story just about all day on TV.  I love this movie. I have a miniature version of the leg lamp on the dash of The Love Boat.  It really does remind me of Christmas at my parents when I was a Little Ole Dumb Southern Boy.   Several of the things that are mentioned in the movie are considered child abuse today such as spanking, washing the kids mouth with soap, cursing around the children, etc. How did this go from being normal behavior to funny to being child abuse in my lifetime?

We may be leaving to go home on Saturday if we don't buy a new motorhome that we looked at in Phoenix. This motorhome is bigger and has a big diesel motor. If we do buy it then we will stay a while longer getting some work performed on it. We shall see in a few days.

Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy and Healthy New Year to you too.
Al

Engrish, Porch Supports. Libbbbrrrrllls--Palm Springs, Dec 22, 2011

I order a bunch of stuff directly from from factories in China. I usually have someone with Engrish skills that I can converse with by email. Today I got an email from one of my suppliers. Sometimes the Engrish translation just doesn't quite make it through the universal translator. Below is the email I got from my supplier. Let's just say I was touched.

Hello,Dear manager, Merry Christmas and happy New Year! This is ( NAME WITHHELD) , we manufacture stage lighting. The Christmas and New Year holiday is coming near once again. We would like to extend our warm wishes for the upcoming holiday season and would like to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. May your New Year be filled with special moment, warmth, peace and happiness, the joy of covered ones near, and wishing you all the joys of Christmas and a year of happiness. It's my honor to contact with you before, and my duty is to give you our best products and excellent service.Hope the next year is a prosperous and harvest year for both of us! Best wishes (NAME WITHHELD)  Export manager Well dern. I was worried about my uncovered ones being near. Now here is the fun part. Did she mean covered by  BO Health Care that the Libbbbrrrrllllls rammed down our throat, or did she mean the dead love ones buried in my backyard?  Now, what about the phrase "...harvest year for both of us"? I think she meant a fruitful year for both of us. Wikipedia says, "... harvest marks the end of the growing season, or the growing cycle for a particular crop, and social importance of this event makes it the focus of seasonal celebrations such as a harvest festival..."  I thought about this sentence a moment then I used my powerful brain to figure out that she was referring to the end of the libbbrrlll cycle for us and communism for her.  I was giddy as a school girl. Yes, I will keep my buried love ones near and will be thankful for the end of libbbrrrrrrlllls.  Merry Christmas to us one and all. I was working on the wrought iron porch supports on my in-laws house today and a neighbor, Paige, came by to look at the supports. Paige is Canadian  just like my in-laws and Deb for that matter. Paige, Deb, and myself were looking at the porch supports that usually have big letter "S" figures between two small support that look like this.  I had earlier removed the "S" figures between the posts, because I had drilled holes into the supports and added bolts and the decorative S pieces were in the way. Paige noticed the "S" figures were missing and  asked me how I was going to mounts the "S" figures back into the supports with the new bolts that I had added to the supports. The new bolts did appear to be a problem with remounting the "S" figures. I simply told Paige that I was going to bend the "S" figures into "O" figures to get around the extra bolts. Deb jumped onto what I said then told him that we were going to add "BO" figures instead simply to get a rise out of me referring to the head of the libbrrrlll party in Washington whose name we never say in my house.  Paige beat me to it when he said BO stood for Bugger Off and would not be a good choice.  Paige's wisdom clearly goes beyond his years. See,  BO gets no respect from Canadians either.  We're heading to Phoenix in the morning to look at another motorhome which means I get to interface with Arizona people. Oh goody. I should find lots of stuff to talk about manana.  Merry Christmas to you and a libbbrrrlll free New Year to you all. I thought I would say that early just in case. Al

Latinos, Lane Drops--Palm Springs Dec 20. 2011

Danger, whining ahead. Turn back now while you have a chance.

I noticed something that really didn't surprise me. The nicest people that I have met here in the valley are Latinos. As a matter of fact, a large number of the Caucasians that I have met are callused butt for brains. Where I come from people are usually polite and considerate which is NOT the case that I have seen here. Things like this make me go hhhmm. Califunknia has many people here with what I call the "all about me" callused butt for brains. You know the type that honk their horns when they shouldn't, or won't let you into a lane while driving even though they can, or step on you in a crowded place simply because they would be inconvenienced. Astoundingly, a very small percentage of callused butt for brains that I have encountered in Califunknia have been Latino.  Hhhmmm. This type of fact makes a Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy stand and go hhmmm.
 
I noticed something else a couple days ago. Palm Springs roads have many sudden lane drops. I can't confirm this fact about the rest of the state but Coachella Valley is full of sudden lane drops.  I will be driving along in the right lane and wham a lane drops. The only warning sign is usually where the lane begins to merge and the lane is gone in less than 100 ft. I have said many times to myself, "Who was the idiot democrat that came up with this."  There is a lane drop on Hwy 111 less than 1/4 mile from the park where The Love Boat is moored. The lane drop occurs in front of a car dealership. About 200 feet after the lane drops the lane begins again. Hhmmm. It almost looks like the lane was dropped so the car dealership could have their sign in the road. Hhhmmm.  I'll bet the lane drop was necessary to not disturb a colony of nearly extinct worms that lives in that area in front of that dealership. I'll further bet you that the light in the sign provides needed illumination for the worms to nest during the hours of darkness. If those Occupy idiots wanted to be noticed they should campout on those stupid lane drop areas all over the valley. I'll bet removing that car dealerships sign would cause serious damage to the worm's chakras directly resulting in needed federal funding to understand why  worm chakras are so fragile.  It all makes perfect sense to me.  I think we could carry the lane drop ideas back to Raleighwood. We could drop a lane then in a couple hundred feet start the lane back. In that 200 feet we could put the postive accomplishments that libbbrrrlllls have given us in recent history. Maybe I should bring some of the worms from that car dealership to live in the barren waste lands where those lane drops would reside. Dang, I am struggling with libbrrrrlll jokes today.

That is it, I am done with whining today.  I promise better libbbrrrlll jokes next time.
Al

Santa and The Puppies, Film Festival. Dog Park--Palm Springs Dec 17, 2011

 The Puppies got to visit Santa Claus tonight in Cathedral City (click on the photo to enlarge it).  They were not sure at all about Santa but didn't raise too much cane because Deb bribed them or something.  Riley is on the right posing and Monty is saying with his eyes, "Get this democrat off me". Really he is--look closely.  Notice how The Puppies have laser beam eyes. They had those installed in Las Cruces. Actually, I didn't have time to run the photo through the photo changing software whatever it is called and make their laser beam eyes look normal. Let's just say that I don't usually take photos with laser beam eyes when I have a moment to adjust my camera properly. We were rushed to get through so some crackhead kids about 15 years old could ask Santa for parents who were not total idiots. 

Well the Palm Springs International Film Festival is scheduled for next month and will be held a short distance from us. A bunch of movie stars are attending like Brad Pitt, Charlize Theron, Patton Oswalt, John Wayne, and Elvis.  We likely will be on our way back to Raleighwood, but it might be fun to attend it and tell those people that I saw them on TV with their clothes off.   Maybe I should have the Raleighwood Big Old Dumb Southern Boy International We Saw You on TV Naked Film Festival in Raleighwood. Shoot half of those nitwits wouldn't know the difference.  Now wouldn't that be a hoot? If we stay here long enough to see this festival, let it be known  that none of these celebrity folks can stay with us, because The Love Boat's expressed rule is cocktail for six. dinner for four, and sleeps two. I don't care how many times I saw them on TV with their clothes off, rules are rules.  The Puppies would like to see some famous dogs, but I'm told Rosie O'Donnell wasn't invited--too bad Puppies. Good Lord, don't get me started talking about that big ole round democrat.


Speaking again of the Puppies, maybe some of the celebrities will be in town with their puppies. There is a dog park in Palm Springs that is famous for having celebrities that bring their ankle biters to run around. Monty and Riley are always looking to sniff new dog butt especially celebrity ankle biter dog butt. Monty might like to have bragging rights that he humped Brad Pitt's poodle.  Now Brad Pitt might not like it but Monty dern sure would.  Maybe we will go to the doggie park tomorrow and let The Wieners play redneck puppies in a California dog park. They have played that a few times and  like playing that game. You can dress The Puppies up but you can't take them out in public. If Rosie O'Donnell brought her dog by, The Puppies and myself would take turns peeing on her leg.
 
I was going to talk about the "all about me" knuckleheads that are so plentiful in California, but I think I will wait until next time. 


Surf's up dudes.
Al

Army Buddy, Rain, ---Palm Springs Dec 13, 2011

Some of you might remember my friend, Army Buddy. Army Buddy has been my friend since 1980 when we were temporarily stationed at Ft Irwin, CA which is a few hours north of us. Army Buddy has been a long distance truck driver since his divorce a few years ago.  He and I have gotten together  all over the US during our travels, and he visited us here in Palm Springs yesterday.  Deb and I picked him up, and Deb said we should go to the steak house in the casino near here for dinner. What I should tell you is that this casino is an Indian casino, and I despise giving them any money at all, but I thought what the heck for dinner. So off we go with Army Buddy to Agua Caliente "The Steakhouse".   What a ripoff.  This place sucked so hard that it keeps California from falling off into the ocean. The steaks were $38+ which didn't include ANY side items. The side items were $7 each. Yes a baked potato was $7.  The service was a joke as the waiters were pathetic and would have been fired from any other place.  The food at Outback was far, far better. Gosh do you think The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy is unhappy? Nahhh. I would have dropped my drawers and showed them my big ole hairy butt but Army Buddy was there. Of course Army Buddy has been with me a time or two in years past when I did something along the same magnitude but that was years ago, and I am now supposed to act civilized. Let's just say we got scalped.  Army Buddy liked his food and went away happy so all wasn't lost.  However, if you see a picture of a Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy with his pants dropped mooning the Indians' casino and money pit,you know that was me.

It rained here yesterday. Holy whampum (we do seem to have an Indian theme to this blog entry). It  rains here every second Tuesday of never but it did yesterday. We are in the dern desert. I took The Puppies to the vet here and when I walked in I noticed a towel on the floor in front of the door where doormats are usually placed back home where it rains a lot. The stores here must not need doormats because it never rains but it did yesterday while I was getting scalped at the Indian beef-a-joke-a-torium.  And it is cold here too.  I'm still waiting  for it to snow which would be a first for Palm Springs but not for unweatherly Big Ole Dumb Southern Boys. Cry me a river. Boo hoo water the flowers in front of the Indian casino.

Well that is about all that I should write today. I should get to bed and count Indians jumping over our bank account.  Yall have a great day tomorrow.
Al

Pilgrimage, Sunset---Palm Springs Dec 12, 2011

This morning we heard a crowd passing The Love Boat. It turns out the crowd was a group participating in Our Lady of Guadalupe Pilgrimage.   This crowd was something to see. The crowd stretched about 1/2 mile and were walking on a 32 mile pilgrimage through the valley. It looked like a lot of fun and I might have walked it too if I had known ahead of time. Here are a few pictures that you can enlarge by double clicking on them.

I think that these folks have a sense of religion and faith that is lacking so much in our society. Bravo to them.  Now you know that I haven't gotten all warm and fuzz which is not my character.  In the first photo, you will notice a cop. While The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy was taking these photos, an idiot walked up to that cop and had a heated talk with the cop.  As the situation progressed I understood what was transpiring. The peeved idiot was  waiting at that intersection to drive left through the crowd and the cops had stopped traffic for like five minutes. The idiot was bent out of shape that the cop would not let him through.  To further emphasize his idiocrary, the man walked away screaming and then turned around and showed both of his middle fingers to the cop. What an idiot.  I thought the cop would chase him and do an LAPD on him (not LAPD but small town cop) and beat him senseless but the cop did nothing but shake his head. So, I thought about this for a second and said hmmm to myself. This intersection was a cross section of America. The pilgrimage reflected positive and wonderful things for a large group of people while a single, disgruntled person showed ugliness and unwillingness to become part of something much larger and greater than himself. This butthead wanted to use the system (cop) to get his way regardless of the impact on this large group. Deb and The Puppies were standing watching this stupidity with me.  Monty looked up at me and told me (with his eyes) that I should drag the democrat butthead to the groomer for a 4 hour  bath and blow dry--that would fix his butt. Monty really did say democrat--honest.

The other day, we were coming out of a store somewhere in the valley about sunset, when we noticed an incredible sunset over the mountains. Here is a photograph of that sunset. That's me The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy in the car. Deb took this photo.

Just before Deb caught this photo, which I think caught the moment nicely, she had the camera held up at arm's length trying to take the photo, but the camera was in one of those modes where it does whatever it wants to do and takes the photo when it wants to not when you want it to take. You know what I'm talking about.  So, she pushed the button and held it for a couple seconds and the camera was blinking and flashing and doing everything except taking the photo. Then  Deb turned the camera around to look at its front to guage the problem (I guess)  and of course the camera flashed and took this photo. Deb was blinded by the flash and a woman passing by yelled to Deb that she saw the whole thing. Deb is a bleach-bottle blond but sure acted like a real one.

Deb got into The Crapper and immediately knew that this photo would make it into the blog.

Well, I'm out of time for today. See Yall manana.

Groomers, Poopypants, Post Office---Palm Springs, CA Dec 10, 2011

We took The Puppies to a groomer for a bath, brushing, and paw rotation. This place is supposedly where President Gerald Ford took his dog or dogs. The Ford fact wasn't confirmed at presstime, but Deb told me so that makes it totally correct. Right?  The Puppies were not impressed some ex-presidential dogs got a bath at this place.  The Puppies would rather get neutered than have a bath.  Well they spent the whole day at the groomers and came back all fluffy, smelly, and mad. Of course Deb had to drop them off and pick them up. I didn't want The Puppies hating me for the rest of their lives. Several years ago we took The Puppies to a groomer on the outskirts of New Orleans which was a year or two before Katrina flattened the groomer's store--or maybe New Orleans' Katrina shoppers did. Anyway, we went to pick The Puppies up at the New Orleans groomers and walked into the place and The Puppies were on tables being blown dry by large hot air driers. Dude, The Puppies were really upset. What was funny was the hair that was floating all in the air inside that building. It was something to see. Hair was on everything including the groomers.  Oh well, The Puppies survived the presidential groomers too.

Speaking of The Puppies, we often walk on this trail that surrounds the park which is the same trail that The Puppies had their close encounter of the rabbit kind. Anyway, this woman with two ankle biter dogs, whom I will refer to her as  Poopypants without an explanation,  joined us as we got onto the trail.  The Puppies liked her dogs and wanted to sniff them, but Poopypants wanted no part of that situation. Poopypants uttered some feeble excuse and scurried up the walking trail trying to get away from us with the ankle biters in tow behind her like dinghys being towed behind a battleship (battleaxe actually).  Of course  this situation occurred before The Puppies went to the presidential groomers, and I guess they looked like barbarians or something to her.  Poopypants was hauling butt down the trail trying to get away. The Puppies were pulling on their leashes wanting to catch the ankle biters so they could hump them or somesuch. I don't know what The Puppies really wanted please ask them. Now The Puppies were not straining themselves too much but did want to pee on the ankle biters or something. Again, I don't know what they wanted. Well, Poopypants just kicked in 3rd gear and was running down the trail really unsociable like. Of course, dogs will be dogs, and one of the ankle biters just squatted and pooped while she was trying to drag the little feller down the trail. Poopypants was in a quandary as to whether she should stop and let The Barbarians catch her dogs or stop and let Ankle Biter #1 finish his democrat statue.  I think I heard The Barbarians giggling about now. Ole Poopypants quickly halted, reached down and snatched up the democrat statue and started running again which she might have succeeded until Ankle Biter #2 squatted in mid panic mode to make another democrat statue. Deb and I were laughing loudly about now and sped up to catch her. The Barbarians and us finally caught her and passed her without much fanfare. Poopypants was all bowed up and unhappy. Deb said something to her but I guess Poopypants was too peeved with her ankle biters to reply. Poor Poopypants. Now that I think about it, I think it would be better to say poor ankle biters.

Speaking of idjits, I had to fax something back to Raleighwood and didn't have a fax machine in The Love Boat. What you don't know is that we actually carry a combination printer, fax, and scanner in the basement area.  The idea is that Deb and I could have a mobile office. Except I took the dern thing out in  Raleigh so I could put different junk in its place. We historically never used the printer. Well duh.. So, I had to find an office supply store that had a fax. It just so happens a small, private supply house resided about 1/2 mile from The Love Boat. It took about 2 minutes to get to the place. When I walked in I noticed a sign that said "Official US Post Office". This place acted for a fee as the local post office and was about the size of a small convenience store but jammed with all kinds of office crap. The counter took up about 1/2 of the store and had a 2" by 12" hole cutout in the front of the counter about 2' office the floor. The cutout allowed people to put mail into a post office bin under the counter.  Just as I got up to the counter a guy with a post office uniform came in and walked around the counter and got underneath it busily putting letters that had fallen unto the floor into the bin. In walks a guy, we will call him Mr Genius,  about twenty years old with a huge boxful of mail from one of the car dealerships nearby.  Mr Genius walks up to the counter and was preparing to put the mail into the slot. Being a person that loves a good joke, I looked at the postman and said, "Looks like people want to fill it up faster than you can empty it".  The postman laughed and said that the bin was overflowing, and he was trying to get the mail into another bin.  I could see the postman's hands through the slot going like gangbusters picking up mail from the floor. Well Mr Genius had heard us but decided now was the time for him to put his armful of mail through the slot. I started laughing and looked at Mr Genius. It took Mr Genius about a minute to cram all of that mail a handful at a time through that slot while the postman was three feet from him under the counter picking the mail up off the floor. Mr Genius walked out and I had a good laugh at this. I asked the postman, "Dude I'm no rocket scientist but why didn't Mr Genius just hand you that box of mail since you are three feet from him". The guy that ran the store and the postman laughed and said that it happens a lot. The store owner said people would come in with huge envelopes or boxes and  couldn't but would try to cram the stuff through that mail slot even though the owner was on the other side of the counter.  I'll bet those idjits had BO for Prez bumperstickers on their Dodge Darts too.

See Yall later. I'll try and update more often.
Al

Palm Springs, The Puppies Celebrity, Rabbits, Presidents Dec 6, 2011

Yesterday, I was driving somewhere and was waiting for the stop light to change in the left turn lane.  A car pulled up beside me  on the right with the front of the car even with the passenger side window which has happened a thousand times in the past. I thought nothing of it. Then the car inched forward with the driver of the other car even to the passenger door of The Crapper. Ok, that go my attention.  My spidey sense was all tingly. So, I turned to look at the driver who was an elderly woman which should have been no biggie right? Through the closed Crapper's passenger door window and her closed driver's door window the woman was talking or mouthing words or something. Ok, my spidey sense stopped and my "You've got trouble" flag went up.  The I realized she wasn't Marcel Marceauing  me but at the rear window of The Crapper. Monty (half of The Puppies) was standing upright with his whole head out the window looking dead at the woman. The woman was talking to Monty, and I guess Monty could actually hear her. The lady must have recognized Monty's celebrity and was a traffic stopping fan. The Puppies get that type of behavior everywhere they go.

A couple nights ago,  Deb, The Puppies, and myself went for a walk. The path that we used is a local bike and pedestrian path that runs parallel to the park where we are staying.  During the walk, we noticed at least a dozen rabbits in a certain area along the path which runs parallel to another housing area that borders our park. Naturally The Puppies wanted to chase the rabbits and had a field day with their presence.  Deb and I refer to Monty as The Squirrelinator for his personal disdain for squirrels. Monty has never caught a squirrel but that hasn't stopped him from chasing plenty of them with the same gusto as John Edwards chasing skanks.  Well, The Squirrelinator is now known as The Rabbitinator. Monty tries to chase the rabbits, snorts, and pulls on his leash with the same disdain he has for squirrels which is almost like he lost his daddy in The Great Rabbit War and wants revenge.  Riley could care less because Riley merely wants to find something to pee on kind of like a democrat does to us.  Anyway, yesterday during our walk, we saw only a couple rabbits and wondered where the others were, then we noticed the coyote hiding in the dense brush about fifty feet from us.  Well Monty leaped into action and wanted the Coyoteinator medal pinned to his chest.  Surprisingly, the coyote ran. The Puppies are not exactly intimidating, but I guess if the situation boils down to fight or flight, flight wins with the coyote. Monty was all bowed up and snorting like a bull ready to chase red kerchiefed drunken idjits through the streets of Pomplona.   Monty is all show and no go but he likes to let us think he knows what he is doing kind of like a democrat.

So, I was driving The Crapper in the small strip mall near our park. It is my philosophy that people do stupid stuff all the time and shouldn't be harmed because of a temporary lapse in judment. Case in point the people that voted for democrats in 2008 thinking that "change" would was going to be a good thing.  But anyway, I was driving through the strip mall when an elderly gentleman walked out of Starbucks and stepped directing into The Crapper's path without looking for traffic. I was driving slowly and half expected an idjit to jump out out somewhere, so I wasn't too surprised.  I screeched to a halt inches from the man who turned and looked at me similar to what you would expect from a  mugshot of  a wide-eyed, drunken democrat caught soliciting a male prostitute.  The last sentence took a moment for me to word. You know the look where they obviously are surprised yet clueless. The man stared for a moment then  turned and began walking again totally oblivious to how close to death he had just come or even why he voted for a bunch of dern democrats a few years ago. These are moments that make me go hhmmm.

I met a gentleman here a few years ago that grew up in Hickory, NC where I grew up. I just saw him again, and we chit-chatted about a few things. The gentleman lives in Oregon and winters in Palm Springs.  What got my attention was when he said he was President Dwight Eisenhower's driver in Palm Springs. Eisenhower owned a home here in Palm Springs. After speaking with the gentleman, I found out he knew a few other presidents including President Gerald Ford who lived and died in Rancho Mirage, CA which is part of Coachella Valley (Palm Springs is in Coachella Valley).  I wondered if he knew Betty Ford, Ford's wife and first lady,  who founded The Betty Ford Clinic popular for sobering up rock stars and male prostitute soliciting  democrats.  This gentleman was a treat to talk with.  I am amazed at the interesting people that I find in our journeys--this gentleman included.

Well, that is about all of the democrat jokes that I can muster for today.  Have a great day.
Al

Palm Springs, Weather, Witchiepoo Junk, Redwood Lumber Dec 4, 2011

The weather here is cold. What in the world?  Daytime temperatures of 80 degrees are normal and became 60 degrees when we got here. This mess happened two years ago when we were here. This ain't funny and I want warm weather again. Shoot Raleighwood is warmer than this and I wouldn't have to put up with Californians. Oh man I just caught myself whining. I've been in Califunkia 10 minutes and the whining has consumed the Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy. Geez Louise.

A couple days ago, Witchiepoo came over and told Deb that she wanted our recycling.  I initially thought about it for a microsecond  and wondered if Witchiepoo was hording trash or something.  I wouldn't put it past Witchiepoo after seeing Casa Witchiepoo. After fifteen years of marriage, I have learned to allow  Deb to handle the indigenous natives. It is much easier than me buying new shoes after losing one in some nincompoop's butt.  So, I asked Deb if she had thought to ask Witchiepoo why she wanted our recycling, and Deb said so Witchiepoo could get money for it.  Well dern, Califunknia has a bottle and other recyclable stuff deposit law. The grocery stores charge a deposit on certain recyclables and give it back to you when you return the empty to the grocery store. This law has been tried many times in NC, but I am told the law was always defeated because it places an undue burden on grocery stores to store recyclable material. All the treehuggers just got their panties all bunched up after that last sentence.  Listen, I just parroted what I heard so sit your butt down. I don't need to buy  new shoes. Anwyay, Witchiepoo has an income stream returning pop bottles and stuff.  To enable Witchiepoo, Deb tied a bag onto the kitchen cabinet handles (GRRRRRR) to put this mess in to save it for Witchiepoo.  The bag isn't going over well with me, and I now have visions of saying to heck with it and letting Witchiepoo go through our trash.  GGGGRRRRR. I believe in doing what is right but where in the Sam Hill did I sign up to have Witchiepoo's trash collected at Casa Al; furthermore,  nor do I want to see our junk memorialized at Witchiepoo's Fred G. Sanford Birthplace, Flying Broom Emporium, and House of Repudiation.  This situation is going to take some thought. I'll update you on this trashy situation soon. GGRRRR.

Ok, you eastcoasters need to quit calling and texting me so early in the morning. Not to mention names, but my old friend whose initials are Dwight (Dwight's name finally showed up in the blog) called me really early today, on a Sunday morning,  not thinking what time it was in Califunknia. Of course Dwight wasn't the only one, I've had lots of people wake my old butt up early not thinking about the time difference. I must admit it doesn't bother me  but please remember Califunknia time.

Speaking of Dwight made me think about my visit to Lowe's yesterday. I walked through the building supplies and noticed all the nice redwood lumber available. Redwood lumber is an exotic lumber in Raleighwood and would never be in Lowe's at home.  I was building something at Deb's parents place yesterday and was using douglas fir lumber which is the standard here. Man that is some nice smelling wood as it reminds me of cedar.  I spoke to Dwight about it and wished we could get a few train car loads of redwood and douglas fir in Raleighwood but that is just wishful thinking.  My wish brings to mind an old poem:

If wishes were horses

Beggars would ride:

If turnips were watches

I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans,

The tinker would never work!

For you guys that don't understand Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy poetry (actually it ain't my poem), the poem means wishing  will never get you what you want only taking action will.  This has been your Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy public service announcement for today.

That is about all for today. I'll quit whining and get down to today's affairs. Do yourself a favor and put up more Christmas lights because you don't have enough up yet. Trust me, you ain't got enough lights up yet.  Next year when my Christmas display goes up, I will break the 100K bulb count easily.  So, put up some more lights.

Bye for now,
Al

Palm Springs Cold Weather, Walgreens, Witchiepoo Dec 3, 2011

I'll bet you thought I forgot about you. Well I did, but I can honestly say I've been busy and didn't have time. Oh geez, where do I start.

The weather here is cold. A couple days ago we had really high winds that made the duststorms fly outside of the valley (Coachella Valley). The winds here in the valley were pretty tough but no where near as bad outside the valley. The term for those winds are Santa Ana winds which are brought to us complements of Santa Claus or some other Santa or somesuch-who knows and really who cares. Before the storm,  I took The Crapper to the local car wash and $30 later all of the dog hair and road junk from the trip here were gone. That was the day that the winds started. Now The Crapper looks like I lived on a dirt road. Stupid duststorms. Maybe the givermint will hire somebody I can whine to about it. Geez, I've been in Liberalville all of a couple days, and now I'm acting live a democrat. Nope, it ain't gonna happen.

Speaking of democrats, Deb went into Walgreens tonight, and I stayed in The Crapper with The Puppies. Were calling them The Puppies because they were afraid they would get deported or something if we called them Los Perritos in front of a immigration officer which are thick as thieves in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California.  So, anyway, I was sitting in The Crapper with The Puppies waiting on Deb. Deb got her stuff and walked up to the cashier (till for my Canadian readers), and the cashier asked her if she was ready for a new president. Now how did that woman know that Deb was married to me?  Deb said yes and the woman made a smarty remark about electric cars too. Dern, I was sitting in the car while this was going on.  Deb was discombobulated and wondered how that woman got by with talking anti-Californian stuff to the customers.  Well La de da. A conservative in this den of librrrllllss?  How did that happen?  Dude, you can't sling a dead cat in this state without hitting a granola crunching, sandal wearing, librrrlll nincompoop.   I guess the cashier woman was evangelizing and trying to convert nincompoops before all is lost for them. Well dang, I should get a t-shirt with that woman's face on it.

Speaking of women, I should tell you about Witchiepoo. When we arrived in Librrrlllville, the lady that runs the park that we are in told us to go check out a few sites and see which site was suitable for refined Southern folks like ourselves. While Deb was talking to the manager lady, I  parked The Love Boat at the entrance and detached The Crapper from the tow bar. When Deb said that we had a couple places to look over, we all jumped into The Crapper and went exploring thinking The Love Boat would be difficult to navigate through narrow streets. The Puppies were riding around in the back seat with the window down sniffing and poking their noses out and doing general puppy stuff. We stopped at the first place, and Witchiepoo, who is a permanent resident in the park, came out and asked, "Can I help you?" Well I took one look at her and decided she was trouble with a capital T, and I was in no mood for nonsense after driving a gazillion miles in Librrrlllville. So, I did what I do best and ignored her and let Deb talk to her.  I should explain to you that for some reason (stuff bounces around in my empty head and can materialize into just about anything) this woman reminded me of Witchiepoo who was a character on a TV program named  H.R. Pufnstuf  back when I was a little conservative.  Anyway, Witchiepoo wanted to know why we were looking at the spot directly across from her Flying Broom trailer. I was afraid I was going to say something like, "I don't need any help and why don't you fly back to your cave, bat".  So, I let Deb handle her. Deb told her we were looking at this spot and others and preparing to dock The Love Boat in Witchiepoo's territory. Here again, I was in no mood for Witchiepoo to come over, lift up her leg, and spray our motorhome marking her territory. But she came over and acted nice and wanted to meet The Puppies. The Puppies thought she looked like Witchiepoo and was preparing to spray The Crapper and started barking at her. Witchiepoo stated she liked dogs and furthermore liked The Puppies. While we were docking The Love Boat into the spot, Witchiepoo came over and commented on my supreme Love Boat docking abilities and patted The Puppies again.. She was trying to soften me up or something--I guess. But I ignored her and let Deb talk to her. Deb's mom, who is a snowbird nearby, new about Witchiepoo and sort of reinforced what I had surmised about Witchiepoo. See, I know people. Anyway, the adventures of Witchiepoo continue but will have to wait until next time. Same Bat time, same Bat channel.

See yall,
Al








 

Palm Springs, CA Nov 30 ,2011

Hello from Palm Springs, California. The Puppies are ecstatic that they didn't have to wear their seatbelts today.  Yes, The Puppies have doggie seatbelts, and they detest them. Monty runs for cover whenever his harness comes out. Palm Springs means no seatbelts for a month. It also means no house rides either.  The Puppies are happy and so are we.

We are expecting high winds for the next couple of days which means a possible duststorm or rather another possible duststorm. The Love Boat is still nasty from the last storm. Oh goody.  With a little luck it shouldn't be too bad. Enough small talk, let's get down to the funny stuff.

I went to Lowe's today for some belated repair stuff for The Love Boat. I have gone into Lowe's at home a million times. Lowe's started in North Carolina near where I grew up and about the time I was growing up.  I saw something today that was plain weird and a first  A guy, in his mid forties, walked into Lowe's wearing only pants meaning no shoes or shirt.  He easily and quickly walked into the door and got an electric scooter and proceeded to roam around the store in an electric scooter for the handicapped. He clearly wasn't handicapped except for maybe between his ears.  I wondered which was worse, a non-handicapped person riding in a scooter or a half-naked, non-handicapped man riding in a scooter. Ok, a non-handicapped man riding in a scooter. Geez you would think I would be used to it by now. Nope and welcome to California.

That is all for today. It is late and I must admit I forgot to update the blog. Don't run down to Lowe's and ride scooters half-naked or something. I'll see you tomorrow.
Al

Tonopah, AZ Givermint RV Park and Bohunkville, Nov 28, 2011

Dude, don't even ask me where we are because I ain't sure. Let's just say you go to Phoenix and go westbound until your patience for driving is 99% gone and here you are--Tonopah, AZ.  Driving through "town" took about 5 microseconds and was more like a big truckstop than a town. But the RV park is first rate. Deb said it was built by the givermint and was used for housing of workers constructing a nuke plant or somesuch. The givermint sold it to these guys and so we have a nice RV park in the middle of Godawfulville right down the road from Armpit, AZ. Dude. Please allow me to thank you all for your tax dollars in making my stay in Godawfulville a nice one.

While driving today, we decided that The Puppies needed to use the little puppies' room. I found an exit off the interstate and sailed The Love Boat into a port in the storm. The building at the exit was a "convenience" store with what looked to be tractor trailer truck parking.  So, I sailed The Love Boat into troubled waters thinking that any place a tractor trailer truck can go so can I. After turning in,  I immediately noticed that the truck parking was  back in only truck parking which is fine for tractor trailers but not for a motorhome pulling a car  and there was no way to turn around. Motorhomes towing cars can't back up due to the towbar. Yep, this situation was not good. I pulled the motorhome into a space nose first and got out and surveyed the situation. I guess motorhomes don't stop in Bohunkville Grocery very often because we were a spectacle. I walked around and found a field nearby that was large enough to turn around in. So, Deb and I used Emergency Love Boat Measure Number 1 which means she gets into The Crapper (which remains connected to the motorhome) and steers The Crapper while I push it backwards with the motorhome. This action was today's entertainment for Bohunkville Grocery as the town's population came outside to watch. Yes there were 10 people with 20 legs and 15 total teeth watching Deb ride in The Crapper. The operation took a few minutes, but The Love Boat pushed back enough to allow me to point it into the field and turn it around. After we got it turned around, I thought seriously about going outside and dropping my drawers and showing them my backside but that might have resulted in banjos, canoes, pig squealing, and unpleasantness.  So I didn't, but I wanted to.

That's it for today. Tomorrow is Palm Springs, CA and our stopping point for a month. See you tomorrow.
Al

Las Cruces, NM Coffee Dude Nov 27, 2011

Oh lovely. My day started off just peachy. We woke up at what our bodies thought was 8:30am but was actually 6:30am local time. I haven't had any decent coffee in a week, so we decided to go to Starbucks. Having not had a bath and looking like that grandmother from last night licked us and put us in the car, we decided to go through the drive through lane at Starbucks. I rolled down the window and spoke to Chatty Drive Through Cathy on the intercom. I would say a word and Chatty Drive Through Cathy would interrupt me. This process went on until Chatty Drive Through Cathy decided that I was mad enough and let me talk--finally. Chatty Drive Through Cathy had the local dialect that is so common in this area in which they sort of chant when they talk. A good way to describe it is for you to say Hiawatha and chant each syllable slowly with a beat--Hi A Wath A. Anyway, Chatty Drive Through Cathy finally shut up and let me order. I drove up to the drive through window and the window opened and Mr Drive Through Thing stuck his head out and chanted, "You had....." Well  I guess Mr Drive Through Thing was male as I couldn't actually tell.  I looked up at him and started to say, "Dang, I'll bet your mama is proud of you".  Mr Drive Through Thing had short cropped hair and looked like Drew Carey but had on glasses that normally is only worn by old Jewish women. There should be a law against something that freaky scaring the beJesus out of me first thing in the morning.  After I forced myself to be nice to Mr Drive Through Thing I got our coffee and drove off. Even though I ordered a large cappuccino, I swear the coffee was one swallowfull.  The rest of this huge cup was foam. I asked myself what kind of hippy crap is this? I started to go back and complain but that obviously meant I would have to talk to Mr Drive Through Thing and worse yet some hippy manager to which I would rather  contract diarrhea than do. So we left and went to another coffee shop, where I got a coffee from a  girl that spoke English with a nice metre.  Coffee in hand, we went back  to The Love Boat for breakfast. I opened the refrigerator and the stupid door fell off. I swear it fell into the floor. By now I was wondering if I had blasphemed the chakra god or something. The huge screw that acts as a hinge had vibrated out.  I picked up the stupid door and Deb helped me put it back on.  Some days start better than others.

Our campground has a huge doggie park that Los Perritos are enjoying. Los Perritos have a big fenced-in yard at home and obviously miss it. Monty runs around barking in the doggie park something that we think translates into "oh boy". He doesn't do that at home, but he is vacation so I guess it is alright.  Deb took them to the doggie park last night about 10:30pm, and I heard Monty from The Love Boat. Monty was determined to have fun regardless of the hour, and he wanted the whole park to know of his fun. Deb told him to hush and he did just that. I wish Deb could do that for those Occupy nitwits.  Los Perritos slept well last night being  tired from running around playing  Roadrunner and Coyote but where the Roadrunner gets caught by the  coyote and chomps on the Roadrunner's tail.  Anyway, Los Perritos are having fun--finally.

We went to White Sands Missile Base today. There is a museum there which was closed, but we got to walk around in their missile display and boy was that something. On display was a prototype of Fatboy which were  the A-bombs dropped on Japan. Deb and I were enthralled with the display. We were also told that five rattlesnakes were found in the display yesterday. So, Deb kept watch for snakes. I, however, was not concerned since I live in NC, and we have a democrat governor which is far worse than a rattlesnake. I heard there is a tour of the area where surface A-bomb testing was performed decades ago. We didn't have the time during this visit but likely will when we return in January.  Oh boy. We left the missile base and went to White Sands Monument.

White Sands Monument is actually part of the missile base but yet a national park. The park's sand looks like snow drifts which gives it the name. The white comes from gypsum and really reminded me of Myrtle Beach, SC. We got out and walked around this huge park and climb up on some dunes. The park is sixty miles from Las Cruces and in the middle of nowhere.

Tomorrow we will be back on the road to California. Even though we are within one day's drive, we will stay in Quartsite, AZ overnight so we can arrive in Palm Springs during the daylight hours. Quartsite is an armpit town on the AZ/CA border full of characters. So, tomorrow should be fun.
Al

Las Cruces, NM Sandstorm, Pig Heads, Sshshhshshh Nov 26, 2011

Oh my what a day today was. We left Abilene, TX at about 8am and immediately became aware of the wind. The wind was coming from our side at 35 MPH and gusting to 55 MPH. I got those numbers via the weather radio. The wind would push us very quickly to the side, and I was worried we would flip over with a large gust, so we had to slow down.  As we adjusted to the wind, the tumbleweeds started blowing across the interstate, and we dodged the tumbleweeds like we were playing Pacman. Oh this went on for about 25 miles then the ugly part started. The wind made a dust storm that lasted for over 150 miles. Visibility was about 500 feet for a 100 miles and  100 feet or less for over 50 miles. The limited visibility meant that we might hit something or be hit by something.  I have been in sandstorms before but not one of this magnitude. What a day. We stopped for gas at a truck stop and The Love Boat and The Crapper were covered in dust. Tomorrow I plan on checking the engine's air filter and replacing it. Oh man what a storm.

I should have started this entry with where we are. We are in Las Cruces which is about 800 miles or so from Palm Springs. We are staying here tomorrow and leaving for Palm Springs on Monday. We are now on Interstate 10. We left home on Interstate 40, then we left Little Rock on Interstate 30, then transferred somewhere to Interstate 20, and finally wound up on Interstate 10. If my calculations are correct, we should be on Interstate 0 on Monday and Interstate -10 on Tuesday. Oh before I forget, gasoline was $2.97 in several places in Texas which is considerably cheaper than when we left Raleigh. Alright, enough with this nonsense, let's get down to the funny stuff.

We took a little trip to Walmart for water and food. I am sorry to say that no pig heads were in the freezer there like the last visit to Las Cruces. Los Perritos (The Puppies) are heartbroken. If you remember from our last visit 2 years ago, Walmart had an entire freezer section of pig heads. I understand Mexicans use the pig heads to cook some kind of food like tamales during the holidays. I am venturing a guess it was for New Years which would explain Walmart being pig headless.  Los Perritos wanted to run around the campground with the pig heads as Halloween masks and trick or treat with them. I guess it will have to wait until we come through again in January. Poor Puppies.

We went out to dinner at a place in the historic part of Las Cruces tonight. The name of the place is regardless, but what happened while we were waiting to be seated was amazing. The wait time was about 15 minutes, and we waited with several other people. One woman was seated with her 18 month old daughter, her mother, and a few other family members. The kid was squealing laughing like kids can do. At some point the kid dropped her pacifier on the floor of the restaurant. The grandmother picked up the "binky" and licked it clean and put it into the kid's mouth. Nasty. I'm not sure what was worse the nastiness from the floor or the grandmother's spit all over it. Any woman that would lick something "clean" that was dropped on the floor of a restaurant would stick dern near anything into her mouth. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Nasty. I'll bet that woman had a BO for president bumpersticker on her car. We are not in Texas anymore. Nasty woman.

When we stopped for gas today, we decided to eat at the Denny's restaurant at the truck stop. We were in a sandstorm and couldn't exactly see anyplace else to stop. We went into the restaurant and were seated. The waitress walked up to us about 15 minutes later and said, "Shhssahhh shhesss shssses ssshhddd".  Deb and I looked at each other and tried to tell if the other understood what she said. Deb told her she wanted a glass of water, and I thought it was a good idea and said me too. The waitress said, "Sshhhehh shhhsshhhs shhhshshhs" and left and went somewhere.  Evidently the waitress understood what we said and returned a day or two later with a couple water glasses.  She said, "Shhhsshs shshshhh shhsheheh" and Deb and I looked at each other again. By now I thought she was Apache or somesuch and was communicating to us in Apache talk or something. Deb thought she had destroyed her brain eating Indian fry bread or something. Deb took the lead and told her she wanted something breakfast like and the waitress said, "Shhhhsh shhhshshs  shhhssh" each time Deb stopped talking for a second or two. I then extrapolated that I should order my food when the waitress looked at me and said, "Shhshshhh shshshhh shshshshs" at me. I told her I wanted an apple pecan salad that was on the menu. The waitress said, "Shshhshh shsshhhs balsamic shshhsshsh"? Notice the question mark at the end or what she said? I figured she was asking if I wanted the balsamic vinegar salad dressing that was on the menu. So I said yes. The waitress went back to what I believe was the kitchen but it could have been the democrat convention headquarters for all I know.  A day or two later the waitress comes back with our food and she put the salad in front of me along with a cereal bowl full of balsamic vinegar salad dressing. I am not kidding, you could float a portion of Cherrios in that bowl of salad dressing. I looked up at Deb, then the waitress, then back at the cereal bowl of salad dressing. The waitress said, "Shhshs shhsshhh shshhsh" and departed for the democrat convention headquarters again. I guess truck drivers get all cranky if they can't float Cheerios in their salad dressing or something. But guess this, the dressing was really sweet like sugar had  been added to it. Great Ceasar's ghost. I would have asked the waitress what I was supposed to do with a fishbowl of  sweet dressing, but I figured I wouldn't understand her anyway. So, I counted my blessings and decided it wasn't all bad because it didn't have any sand in it which that fact alone was amazing with all that sand blowing around in the parking lot and half of Texas.

See Yall tomorrow.
Al

Abilene, Texas Cedar Trees, Idjits, Signs in Spanish Nov 25, 2011

We are officially over halfway to California. We plan to slow down and spend an extra day in Las Cruces, NM so The Puppies (Los Perritos as they like being called now) can get pig heads and go trick or treating. If you don't know what that means, you should look up Las Cruces in the  blogs archive from two years ago


We pulled into an  RV park which is very similar to many RV parks that we have visited. This one is really near the interstate, and as I write this I can clearly hear the traffic from the interstate that is 75 feet from The Love Boat. I am not kidding we are about 75 feet from the interstate. When we pulled into the park, Deb went in to register and the lady assigned us a campsite a couple up from us on this row closest to the interstate. Deb told her that the noise would be a problem, so the woman said she would put us behind the cedar trees instead. It turns out all of the "pull through" sites are in the row next to the interstate. Anyway, RV Park Genius woman actually thought it would be less noisy if a couple twenty foot cedar trees separated us from the road. Well duhhh. Deb came back to the RV and told me what the woman said, and I wanted to go in and ask her when her shift with the Occupy Abilene nitwits was scheduled. Good lord where do these people hatch?

While driving here today, we stopped into a truck stop to take on fuel or get gas as you landlubbers say. When I turned in I immediately noticed that I couldn't get out without some serious maneuvering of The Love Boat. I should stop here and explain that The Love Boat is 33 feet long and has 16 feet of car and trailer hitch behind it. The Love Boat takes lots of space to maneuver, and this truck stop had very little space since this was where the cars get gas and there were 4011 million cars playing Chinese Fire Drills all over the place. To make matters far worse, the pumps were pumping very slowly forcing me to block an entrance. The dam broke or something and idjits (for my Canadian friends idjit is a cross between and idiot and a jit whatever a jit is) were  all over the place cutting between us and the car ahead (6 feet if that) and climbing over the bushes behind us trying to get around The Love Boat.  Normally I would have felt bad blocking an entrance to this place but I was trapped and couldn't back up. However, to my defense, there were two other entrances and exits directly  beside the blocked entrance that the idjits didn't want to use for some reason. I thought it was because I had the idjit entrance blocked and the idjits could only go and come by that entrance.  The situation was so stupid that I thought about getting out a copy of The Democrat Gazette from Arkansas and going  over and smacking the idjits on the nose with the rolled up newpaper--if you want to call that a newspaper. When I finally did make it to the pump (15 minutes elapsed) the pump took 20 minutes to fill the tanks. As miracles or luck would happen as we readied to leave, God parted the Great Sea  of Idjits to which I cast off anchors and maneuvered The Love Boat amongst the remaining idjits. We were out in 3 minutes or less. Oh what a fun time was had by all. I would rather slide down a sandpaper coated sliding board  into a vat of turpentine than try that again.

I noticed something else today. Signs along the interstate in Spanish I can read. Go figure. I was reading them and didn't realize I was reading them. Spanish classes are paying off. I have a long way to go but am happy for what I have learned.

We should be in Las Cruces, NM tomorrow if all goes well. Deb wants to spend a day there exploring and Los Perritos (The Puppies) want to trick or treat with their pig heads if Walmart has them. I need to find another pair of longhorn steer horns to mount on the front of The Love Boat, so it actually would be nice to stop for another day in Las Cruces. If you remember from our last trip out, Las Cruces has an RV park there with extremely expensive motorhomes. This was the place that we met the couple with the $2,000,000 motorhome. Las Cruces means crosses in Spanish so I wonder where the name came from? We shall see.

Adios amigos. Hasta luego.
Al

Benton, Arkansas Goats, libbbbrrllls, Country Dogs, 24 Nov 2011

We made it Benton, Arkansas today. Benton is a tiny town an hour south of Little Rock and an hour north of Hope, AR which was made sort of famous by William Jefferson Clinton as his birthplace (more on this subject later).  Benton has an "RV Park" that is owned by a really nice man. He is very friendly but that doesn't excuse the fact his "RV Park" is a dump. After we drove into the "RV Park" the owner took us to meet his brand new baby goats. They are cute or at least Deb thinks so, however, I think they all looked like a bunch of dern libbrrlls (yes I know the word is supposed tovbe spelled liberal).  They (goats not Deb and the RV guy) looked funny, smelled, and when asked what they would do to our economy, they answered, " Baaaaaaadddddddddd".   Deb had fun talking baby talk to the goats just like she does to real libbbrrrllls and other creatures of limited intelligence.  But the puppies had no use for the goats at all because The Puppies are city dogs and farm animals all look like libbbrrrlllls to them too. Here are a couple pictures from today. The first is The Love Boat docked next to trailer that has not moved in a while. The second is of our neighbor sporting his new Black Friday outfit from The Dirty Nasty Leasurewear Store.

So after docking The Love Boat, Deb, The Puppies, and The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy  went  for a walk down the road  which amounted to nothing more than a busy road with houses with country dogs running around the yards off leash. The Puppies learned quickly that country dogs aren't like city dogs in that the country dogs  bark then actually want to bite something. City dogs do a lot of barking but no biting because it is fun or something. Anyway, the country dogs would bark and then haul their country dog butt down within biting distance of The Puppies. That didn't go over well with The Puppies and likely will give them nightmares. But they had fun, and they got to pee on lots of stuff in Arkansas which I later helped them do after I found something out.


Remember I said Clinton grew up just south of Benton? Deb wanted to go see the rock that Clinton was hatched under, but I would rather go lose half my brain and join those Occupy nitwits in downtown Raleigh--my big ole hairy butt. With Clinton's birthplace so close, and with the evidence on newspaper box that I photographed during our walk, I think that I am in the democrat's lair.  You decide for yourself:

Wi

I knew it. Now I'm going to have The Love Boat and The Puppies powerwashed because I am sure that libbrrrrllll got all over them. Just to be sure that is wasn't a pratical joke or something, I immediately  bought two copies of this newspaper that I refused to read.  One copy of the newspaper is for the dogs to poop on and the other to use to cover it up.   Who ever came up with the name for that newspaper wasn't thinking. Most democrats that I know can't read and the ones that can are moving their lips as they read this.


By now you libbrrrrllls that read this blog (please quit moving your lips) pretty much have your panties all bunched up. I promise to lighten up on libbbrrrllllls really soon, but what do you expect with me surrounded by this stuff.  I predict the entry for tomorrow will be different as we will be in Texas somewhere and Texas is not know for libbrrrrlls.   Bye for now.
Al

Nashville, Godzilla, Camo clothing, and Rumble Strips Nov 23, 2011

Hello from Nashville, TN.  We arrived in Nashville around 4pm. It was a challenge sharing the road with so  many lovely and kind people heading to Grandma's house. I noticed something today. Why is it that every car in Tennessee is missing wheelcovers? Is someone stealing them or is it a fashion statement?  I thought about a slogan today for Tennessee. Do you remember the slogan,  "Gee no GTE"? Right? Well, for Tennessee the jingle becomes "Oh Geez no Tennessee".  The roads today were full of scary looking camo clothed people with scary looking camoed little varmints riding in the backseat. If Godzilla and Megalon conceived a "love child" it would reside in Tennessee. I  half expected some of the children in some of these cars to turn to me and say, "GAAAAAAKKKKKKK"  and shoot fire and a deathray from their  camoed mouths at The Loveboat.  The interstates had big, electronic signs over the roads with this saying,  "Buckle up, it's the law".  Well that is plain stupid. Godzilla and Megalon know how to buckle their stupid seatbelts. Why don't they put something useful on that stupid electronic board like, "Brush your dern teeth Idjit" or "Quit siring varmints with your cousins". Am I the only person that sees this.


Monty is having trouble again with The Loveboat rolling over rumble strips along the edge of the road. You know the tires make a, "Brrrrrttttppppptttp" sound when you stray off the tarmac. Every time I drifted a little onto those strips and the tires made the "Brrrppptttttp" sound, Monty (1/2 of The Puppies) would lose his mind and jump into Deb's lap. I think he is having flash backs from Nam or somesuch.  Brrrrttttpp, "Incoming 155 Horwitzers jump into the foxholes boys." Only Deb was the foxhole. 

That is all for today. I am tired and will elaborate more tomorrow.  We should be in Texas somewhere tomorrow.
Al

Thought for the day--Raleigh, NC Nov 21, 2011

We had Chinese food for dinner tonight, and my fortune cookie said, "He who seeks finds."  That saying bounced around inside the hollow shell of my head and emerged as "He who seeks finds but he who uses a stud finder seeks less".  This has been your thought for the day.

Well, we are not on the road yet. Deb and I got simultaneous viruses that left us laying flat for a few days. After the bed phase, the yucky stage set in and so here we are.  Needless to say, even though I'm going to anyway, we got behind in our work and are still in Raleigh.  We will likely leave mañana or miércoles.

In case you didn't notice that was Spanish in the last sentence. Yours truly is taking Spanish lessons and doing fair at it. Spanish is a little easier to understand than Yankee.  I really have no desire to learn Yankee unlike Spanish.  The reason that I am learning Spanish is to be able to survive on my own for five weeks  in 2013 as I walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain.  I know what you're thinking, "Why is a big ole dumb Southern boy going to walk 500 miles in northern Spain."  Here is where you try to guess what I'm thinking. Go ahead, guess. I am concentrating really hard.  I just read your mind, "He has lost his mind?" No that is not the case, I never had a mind to lose.  I plan to tell you pieces of the reason over the next two months. Quit whining, I'll get to it later.

Speaking of later, I've been working on The Love Boat (our motorhome) over the last couple weeks, and it is sparkling and ready to go. We have tried diligently to buy The Diesel Love Boat but have not been able to do so. The Love Boat has a gas engine and a diesel engine would allow us (read Deb) to carry more useful item (junk) easier across the country.   Actually, I want a diesel to make driving easier in mountainous terrain. The Love Boat slows down fairly slow in steep hill climbs. I've dreamed about a  motorhome that can climb mountains as fast as John Edwards can climb skanks. We had about as much success finding a motorhome as John Edwards has had trying to convince us that he didn't use campaign funds trying to hide his skank mistress.  Deb and I will eventually find a motorhome, but John Edwards is destined  to join Martha Stewart's bunkmates in Club Lockdown soon.  I really enjoyed the parallel in this paragraph almost as much as I have enjoyed telling idiots that voted for BO that BO's fiefdom will soon end.


We plan to leave mañana (I'm teasing you here) but will likely leave Wednesday (miércoles) morning. Hasta luego amigos.

Al, Deb, and The Puppies (Los Perritos)

More upcoming trip Raleigh, NC Nov 11, 2011

Dude, it has been cold or rather wet and cold. The older I get the less I like the cold. This is where you say something like, "You want some cheese and crackers with your whine?"  No really, it has been cold and wet. I was outside today installing a new Waterpump 9000 today into The Love Boat, and I had to wear a heavy coat. Geez Louise. Anyway, I got Waterpump 9000 installed and it makes the faucets squirt water like BO (head  of the democrat party and yes the small case d in democrat is intended) squirts nonsense like, "Yes we can or rather yes we told you we could, but we knew we never could and accordingly can't".  Oh baby, I got the democrat joke in really fast this time.  Anyway, the Waterpump 9000 does a grand job or pumping water from the fresh water holding tank to the faucets and stuff onboard The Love Boat.  Before we had Waterpump -9000 installed, and it was about useless. Now that I have captivated you and applied grandiose plumbing science, I think that I should talk about our trip some. Right? Right.

Our current plans have us going through Nashville and turning southwest in Little Rock, Arkansas to avoid having to cross upper Arizona and New Mexico. You may remember the last trip to Califunknia, we crossed the plateau west of  Santa Fe and barely avoided a bad winter storm. You landlubbers with 4 wheeled cars wouldn't pay much attention to the snow, but The Love Boat slips and slides a  bunch easier than big 18 wheeler trucks and small cars. So, we aim to avoid the whole situation and go through Dallas, lower AZ, and NM.  Yada, yada, yada. Whine, whine, whine.

We took The Puppies for a long walk tonight in the cold air, and I do believe they love this weather.  The Puppies are sporting the latest in Keeshond outerwear and tolerate the cold quite nicely.  I would say a lot nicer that Big Ole Dumb Southern Boys.  Speaking of walking, Deb and I are planning to walk The Camino de Santiago. in Spain in 2013. I plan to walk all 500 miles of it, and Deb will join me for a week or two.  I guess I will take about 5 weeks to walk "The Camino".  The Camino has been around for 1100 years, and I just got around to it.  I've known about The Camino all of my adult life but haven't had the opportunity to walk it. I can honestly say that it will be an adventure, and no The Love Boat will stay at home for that trip. I wont elaborate more on that trip as you can Google it and get all kinds of insomniac relief information on it.  Let's just say that The Camino is a pilgrimage, and no I won't have to wear a big hat and Deb won't have to cook for Indians on that trip. 

I'll update the blog in a couple days.

Upcoming cross country trip Nov 5, 2011 Raleigh, NC

I'll bet you thought I forgot about you?  Well, I did. Guess what is going to happen soon? Go ahead guess. You guessed correctly if you said a cross country trip. We leave in a couple weeks for Palm Springs, CA for a month or whatever time period in which we get good and tired of living in a motorhome.  Some of the people that read the blog will remember the last trip to California where Walter had a close encounter with pig heads in Austin, TX,  my chakara  in Sedona, AZ, the yack hatted hippie idiots in Santa Fe,  the trailer park in Palm Springs  (oh God I still have nightmares of that place), and Dallas Cowboy's Stadium.  Gosh, I think I hit the good parts. Anyway, we are returning to GranolaLand  but we are not staying in that awful trailer park. Long time readers remember the names that I gave to our stuff.  You know the names, The Love Boat (our motorhome), The Crapper (our PT Cruiser towed car), The Puppies (our dogs Monty and Riley), Deb (my wife The Bleach Bottle Blond/ Chinese novelty), and myself (globe trotting Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy). I would have mentioned Walter (our friend and sidekick in motorhome navigation), but he discovered women (Melissa a nice young lady as opposed to Walter is not a nice young lady) and a job with a boss that has no sense of humor.  Maybe Walter and Melissa will factor into this trip somewhere. Oh goody a mystery.  We shall see. Did you notice how many parentheses that I used?  I like parentheses.

This trip will cover a few new places.  The thought of me having to put with hippies again didn't sit well with me.  Actually, the thought of me being stranded in snowy Santa Fe with all of those hippies is what didn't sit well with me. As you know I have little use for hippies which comes from my Post Traumatic Hippy Syndrome (PTHS)  when I was a soldier and hippies came up to me in the airport (when I was in uniform) and called me a baby killer and spat on me which really upset my chakara.  Boo hoo water the hippy nightmare flowers. Anyway, we are planning to take a new route this time with a few places and unique people that I can talk about. I am giddy as a school girl just thinking of the possibilities. 

Al, Deb, and The Puppies

 

Severe Weather on April 28, 2011

Round two of the tornado bearing weather rolled through the south last night and today. NC was spared for the most part. Chattanooga, TN which is just over the NC border in Tennessee had 76 people to die. This storm was far worse than 10 days ago.  We are fine though.

Tornados in Raleigh April 18, 2011

Hi de ho Yall. We have had lots of people call and ask us if we are alright and the answer is yes. Satuday's storm was a scary storm. The tornadoes spawned from the storm were very close to us, but we didn't  receive any damage. Parts of Raleigh were not as lucky. Three children were killed when the tornado blew up the trailer park 4 miles from our home.  About 45 minutes east of Raleigh several people were killed-- a few from the same family. As of today, the death count in NC is a couple dozen and 120 homes were destroyed.

Every day of our lives is a gift.  Be thankful for what you have been given and with whom you share it.   I am.

Indian Restaurant, Washlet

Deb and I don't always agree on restaurants.  Golden Corral is a buffet style restaurant that I like with a really nice and huge salad bar and has an okay but huge, hot food bar. I like the salad bar and not the hot bar part so much. Deb hates them both. When Deb drags me to a restaurant that I find despicable, it costs her one trip to Golden Corral. It ain't negotiable. We both worked late yesterday and decided to go out to eat.  Deb had already decided the restaurant which was a Greek restaurant whose name shall remain anonymous. She had diplomatically declared I was along for the ride and to sit down, shut up, and hold on.. This restaurant is ten minutes from home, and we have been there a time or two. Dinner was around $50 which isn't crippling but rather pricey. The food  last night didn't taste like butt but was a Greeked up version of spaghetti and $50 for spaghetti is a little pricey. Deb liked it, and I sort of liked it, but it didn't cost her a Golden Corral token.  So tonight we both worked late again, and  yet again Deb picked another restaurant that we have tried at a time or two in the past, and each time she had to drag me to it. The place is a vegetarian, Indian restaurant. I would rather have a blind man give me a vasectomy than eat at this restaurant, but I agreed to go tonight. Because it is vegetarian and Indian restaurant,  the food is hot enough to melt the polar ice caps to cover up the lack of meat.  Regardless of what you order from this place, it has chickpeas, tons of onions, curry, and varying degrees but liberal amounts of hot spices. Deb had some coupon that required her to get four different things for dinner. So, she ordered four of her favorite dishes and let's see how do I describe them? Well the first dish had yogurt or something in it and tasted like hot butt. The second dish had a pancake or somesuch in it and tasted like flaming pancake butt.  The third dish had what looked like rice crispies in it and tasted like intensely hot rice krispie butt.  The final one, my personal favorite, looked like a onion sub sandwich and tasted like nuclear meltdown butt.  Holy guacamole that dinner sucked and worse yet was excruciatingly hot.  After "dinner" we went to the car and started for home, and my breath was hot enough to melt paint off parked cars. Directly across the street from the Indian House of Pain was an independent, old style ice cream parlor.  So, I decided that I would gets something cold to cover the plutonium rods that I ate for dinner from the Yuck-o-mat Ice Cream Parlor across from the Indian House of Pain. So, I ordered a chocolate "freeze" which resembled a milkshake but tasted like chocolate icey butt. In all honesty  I was grateful that Chocolate Butt Shake was cold and kept helicopters and fire cannons from shooting water into my mouth to cover the Indian nuclear meltdown.  Dinner tonight cost Deb nineteen Golden Corrals. It ain't negotiable. 


I've had a couple people comment on the number of toilet pictures that I posted recently. No, I do not have an obsession with toilets. What I was trying to convey and did so poorly was how the hotels and airports had Toto Washlet Toilet Seats installed. I have a plumbing license and was familiar with washlet toilets prior to our travels in Asia. I found an interesting Wikipedia article that stated 72% of Japanese households have Toto Washlet Toilet Seats. Go figure. Here is the fascinating Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilets_in_Japan  The link mentions the lack of hand drying towels which basically is true for every public bathroom. A few bathrooms had hand dryer blowers but most did not. Westerners just used their pants to dry their hands.   In China and occasionally in Japan, toilet paper in public bathrooms was extremely rare.  So ladies, if you visit China, don't pee on your shoes, don't whine or tell us about it if you do,but do carry toilet paper with you, and do wash your hands then wipe your hands on your pants. Remember you heard it here first.