Thursday, Dec 31, 2009 Maricopa, AZ

Hello from Maricopa, AZ. Maricopa is 20-30 minutes south of Phoenix. On the drive from Palm Springs, we bypassed Phoenix and got onto I-8 for 30 minutes. While on that section of road I recognized the area from my army days where I was sent to work at Fr Huachua in Sierra Vista. Both places are two hours south of where I recognized the land. Considering I was last here almost thirty years ago it a little amazing. This area is a little different people wise but the temperatures are about the same as Palm Springs. I might consider staying here for while some time in the future.

We passed through Quartzsite, AZ again. It was full of people this time. The only thing that could make Quartzsite worse is it being crowded. We saw lots of people dry camping in the desert. That is not my idea of camping or living for that matter. We visited Slab City near the Salton Sea in Southern California. If there is a place worse than Quartzsite it would be Slab City. Slab City is an abandoned Marine base with all the buildings removed but the concrete slabs from the barracks remain. Thus the name Slab City. This place is full of every kind of conceivable vehicle known to man. You will find old school buses that have not moved in thirty years with people living in them. You will also find nice motorhomes there too but not a lot. It is a disgusting place. Quartzsite is like Malibu compared to Slab City. The area around Slab City has many naturally occurring hot springs. I am told that Slab City used (and may still have) a pit with a ladder where a person could go into the pit and shower with hot spring water. We didn't have time to find the pit though. Stinky,naked,cheapskates in a Roman bath would have been an unusual photograph.

We are docked at the John Wayne RV Park. The history of this place is less entertaining than I imagined. It seems it is named after the John Wayne Parkway in Maricopa. What a let down. I thought we would have a working museum of The Duke or something. I am disappointed but the park is really quiet. We are enjoying the quiet. Shorts would be justifiable as the uniform of the day. We will venture out to Phoenix today and check things out. The manager of this park had a slight southern accent. It turns out he grew up in Johnson City, TN but has lived in Minnesota for the last forty years. Of course I picked up on his slight accent immediately because everyone else here speaks like they are chanting--you know where they pronounce each syllable with emphasis kind of like the Indians in old western movies. The manager's accent just goes to show you can take the boy out of the south but can't take the south out of the boy. I love being a Southerner. Besides I'm not good at chanting.

Have a happy and prosperous New Year.

Dec 27 and 28, 2009 Palm Springs for Now

I went to "The Walmart" today to get some stuff. Maybe I should say La Walmarto. Regardless, I went into the big box store with camping stuff that is manned and managed by total idiots. Great Caesar's Ghost (which would be pronounced SAY ZAR instead of SEA ZAR). Regardless. there was a man dressed as a woman that worked there. Don't don't call me homophobic or homo anything for that matter. But this guy made one butt ugly looking woman. You've heard that saying that he had a face only his mother could love? Well his mother would really struggle with him dressing up like that. It ain't Halloween, what was this joker thinking. He must have graduated from the Tammy Faye Baker School of Cosmetology. Butt Ugly Boy should not apply his makeup with spray cans and mason trowels. Good lord. I almost heaved when I saw this monster. He had an adam's apple. I have never seen a woman with an adam's apple. Butt Ugly Boy's voice was a cross between Billy Bob Thornton and Martha Stewart. Oh my lord, please take that image from my brain. I can't stop shivering and it ain't from the lack of cold weather. I got to wear shorts today. Actually I got to wear shorts while viewing this creature from the Black Lagoon. I tried to stop this paragraph on a nice note and look what happened.

You landlubbers think getting your oil changed is a pain. Right? Well you should try getting the oil changed in The Love Boat. This beast is 33 feet long and doesn't like those quick change places garage doors. So, I called a gazillion places until I found somebody stupid enough to let me dock in their shop. Of course I could have gone to the RV dealer but I would prefer to strap that Nigerian terrorist to make leg and set us both on fire. Actually I would have only preferred to set him on fire but that is for another paragraph on another day. Where was I? Oh yeah, I hate taking The Love Boat to RV dealers. They are like the Boss Hoggs of the RV industry. When you walk into an RV dealership you know that you're going to leave feeling abused. If I were at home I would change it myself or take it to the guy down the street that has mechanics that jump at the opportunity to work on a vehicle the size of the Titanic. Dang, I forgot where I was. Anyway, I'm taking it to a place tomorrow that will provide the respect The Love Boat requires without causing my head to spin around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Oh lord, I just googled Linda Blair to make sure I got her name spelled correctly, and I found out she turned 50 years old this year too along with Deb and myself. Well La de Da. She looks like she should eat a Big Mac or something. Great Caesar's ghost. Anyway, I take The Love Boat into dry dock for an oil change tomorrow. Deb is taking The Crapper in for a bath and oil change. This is necessary because we are soon to leave.

We have plotted out the journey for the next week. Wednesday night we will spend the night in The John Wayne RV Ranch which is near Phoenix. If you know me personally, I am a big fan of John Wayne. I'm not expecting anything more than a place to dock without crackheads scurrying around causing turmoil to the puppies. I might be pleasantly surprised how this place was named after the most manly man of men. No, I have not forgotten Lee Marvin. He ranks second fiddle to John Wayne. This is my blog and John Wayne rules. There will be no more discussion. John Wayne would smack the pretty off Pierce Brosnan then ride over and smack some sense into the crackheads we call celebrities. John Wayne was a manly man unlike that abomination that I saw in La Walmarto tonight.

Tomorrow will be spent readying us for our 2600 mile trip home. I don't take this lightly and as such I won't update the blog until we reach The John Wayne RV Ranch. The road trip will soon begin and adventures await.

Dec 25 and 26, 2009 Palm Springs

As you may have guessed, Deb is a dog person. For Christmas I gave her a little plastic dog that when you push his head he barks Jingle Bells and poops out a little jelly bean. That thing is really funny. After a few successful cycles of the dog barking and pooping, Deb pushed his head and he started barking but didn't dispense a jelly bean. She pushed and pushed and nothing came out. So, Deb picked it up and said "Come on little buddy you can do it. You must be constipated or something". I just looked at her and told myself that I would definitely discuss those two sentences here. I am happy to report the plastic dog is now barking and pooping out jelly beans.

I returned some stuff to Lowe's in Palm Springs today. The lady that was handling the returns startled me with her hair. I know that is a strange thing to say but just give me a minute to explain. Her hair was parted in the middle and was mounded up on the left and right side of her haid. To accentuate her puffiness, she had a 2 inch head band just above her eyebrows encircling her head. She looked just like she had a butt on her head. I kid you not. I was dumbfounded when I first saw it. I hope butthead hairstyles don't come into the mainstream. The Kate Gosselin hairstyle was bad enough where women have their hair arranged to resemble a dustmop. The butthead hairstyle would take women far more time to arrange than the Kate hairstyle. The Kate cut is far simpler since all the women need to do is use a Weedeater to trim their hair and never comb it again. I can just see women with butthead hairstyles asking their husbands if their hairstyle makes their head look big.

Christmas is over and I didn't get to see any decent Christmas lights. I got fleeced a few times thinking that if I paid money I would get to see a quality display. Oh no. All I got was poorer and disappointed. I should have asked for my money back and hope the woman handling complaints didn't have a butthead hairstyle.

We start the journey home in a few days. We are taking a more southerly route this time that should minimize the possibility of traveling through snow. We will be stopping in several cities but only truly visiting Phoenix, Austin, Dallas, and Atlanta. Our friend Walter will fly to Austin and exchange places with Deb who will fly home. I get to keep the puppies.

See yall later.

Wednesday, Dec 23, 2009 Palm Springs

Oh man the wind was blowing was really blowing today. When the wind blows hard in the desert, it picks up sand and carries it in the wind. We have all heard of sandstorms but to experience one in person is surrealistic. The blowing dust makes breathing hard and can sandblast the paint off cars and pit windshields. The wind was blowing through the wash (yes, I talking about that stupid wash again) so hard that it looked like a tornado was passing through. I wonder how the guy that lived in the tent in the wash fared? Maybe he and the tent were transported to the Land of Oz. He's probably clicking his ruby red workboots together saying, "There's no place like the wash. There's no place like the wash". That is if his skin is still attached to his body after being sandblasted for eight hours.

The puppies are getting copious amounts of attention. Riley can't get enough, in fact, he is becoming accustomed to the attention and possibly wanting an upgrade in his social status. I got up from bed early one morning and Riley decided that since I wasn't sleeping in the bed he could. Doggies are not allowed on the furniture at home nor in The Love Boat. Riley was all snuggled up with Deb like he was meant to be there. It came as a shock to him that I didn't want him on the bed. His highness deserves better treatment.

Speaking of the puppies, we had someone from the trailerpark to drop off a gift of doggie biscuits and treats while we were gone. The present was laid in a chair beside The Love Boat. Monty and Riley have admirers. Of course, the puppies have that effect everywhere they go with the exception of Fancy Pants. Santa Puppy arrives in the trailerpark tomorrow night and will bring pink with hearts poo bags to the girly dogs and blue poo bags to the rest.

It was a little cold in the valley yesterday. Everybody was dressed like they were in Minnesota. It was 50 degrees F not -50 degrees F. When we went to The Living Desert to see the Christmas lights, I spotted a couple with wittle, stringed yack hats on. They were so cute. It was such a Kodak moment. I suppressed my desires to walk over and snatch them bald and stomp on their pretty, wittle hats. I best not get started on idiot hats again. Anyway, you would have thought snow was going to fall. I was surprised not to see any fur coats even though we were in Indian Wells.. Some might consider wearing fur coats to a zoo malapropos. Go figure. My jacket was more appropriate for the Christmas festival at the museum. My jacket was fleece just like they did to us. Oh I'm not bitter just $15 poorer.

I'll try and update more.

Tuesday, Dec 22, 2009 Palm Springs

I am sorry for not updating the blog sooner. I've been busy with stuff. I won't bore you with details.

I was in the grocery store with Deb and was walking toward an open register (till as my Canadian family calls it) when out of the depths of white headedness,The Queen of Buttholes, runs to get in front of me at the register. I am not kidding this wench sprinted to get in front of me. I couldn't help but to call her an ugly name. As a matter of fact, I called her the ugly name again very loudly so she would hear me. Then I called her the name a third time to ensure she was thoroughly embarrassed. Deb thought nothing of it because she has seen me do it before. I call it Al's Edification of Stupid People. I'm not allowed to roll up newspapers and smack them on the nose like people do with dogs (I would never do that to the puppies--stupid people yes). I upset her red and green holiday chakra. She will thank me for it later.

While we were in the grocery, I saw a woman that was likely 85 years old and wearing a mink coat. Good lord she must be related to Suzanne Sommers. This woman had on oversized sunglasses even though it was dark outside. This is Palm Springs, and she could be somebody that I should know but could really care less about. So I wanted to walk up to her and ask her who she is/was/supposed to be. Not to mention I detest people in fur coats. Deb is shaking her head at this point. Anyway, this woman must have been a back up singer in The Benny Goodman Band, and she didn't want her last living fan to realize she had to grocery shop.

We went to the Elephant Bar in Indian Wells today. It was superb. It was a wee bit pricey but we enjoyed the experience from entrance to exit. It was fun but not snooty. The decor was top notch with elephants integrated into the woodwork and bar. It must have been fun to decorate the place. Dinner was good too. May I recommend The Elephant Bar should you visit Indian Wells.

I have not gotten my Christmas light fix yet. What is wrong with the valley? We went to the Living Desert Museum and again was fleeced out of $15 to walk around in 350K of simplistically placed lights. I've been fleeced in multiple states at this point. James in Tulsa did an excellent job of taking care of my November lighting needs but December does not look good at this point. My friend Walter (who is joining me in Austin) has agreed to keep his display up until we return. I might not get my light fix until then. Again I ask, what is wrong with the valley?

That's all for today. We leave for Raleigh in less than a week.

Thursday, Dec 17, 2009

Let's see where do I start. Doggie poo bags.

Those of us with dogs know that doggies poo wherever they want. Responsible pet owners pick up said puppy poo in plastic bags. You now have what little background information that I will discuss. Most people will use plastic grocery bags. For convenience sake, Deb buys rolls of doggie poo bags from Walmart. They are compact and fit into car doors nicely. We were in "The Walmart" and Deb decided we needed poo bags. When we finally found them, all I could locate were pink bags with white hearts on them. We bought a roll and took them back to The Love Boat. I noticed a few days later that a blue roll had replaced the pink with hearts roll. Deb didn't think it was proper picking up the male puppy poo using pink bags with hearts. So we have a roll of pink puppy poo bags with hearts that we won't use. We can't have our dogs looking like girly dogs can we?

We took a tour of the electricity generating windmill field today. There are over 3000 windmills covering many square miles of land here in the valley. They are something to see. A few years ago, the windmills numbered 30,000. The technology has since improved that allows a single windmill to replace several older style windmills. I was told by the tour guide that 3000 birds per year are killed in the windmill field because the birds can't see the spinning blades. The new style windmills turn much slower and kill less birds. Wind mills provide less that 1 1/2% of the power in the US (I did not verify the tour guides numbers). Now I could launch into a tirade of good and evil about windmills. But, I am not. Instead I want to launch into a tirade about the fleecing from the tour guide. They charged up $200 for four people to go on a "Windmill Tour". What actually happened was they picked us up at the Palm Springs Visitor Center in a Hummer H2 and drove out to a hill on a long dirt road that overlooked the windmill field. We stopped on the hill for a few minutes then drove back to the visitor's center. We didn't get close to a windmill. I could have stopped on the interstate and saw for what cost us $200. We got fleeced. TourGuideBoy would drive and wave at stuff with both hands--simultaneously. I wanted to thump his head and tell him to either drive or talk not at the same time. This guy spent a lot of time telling us about his personal life. Beside beating us to death in that Jeep wannabe bobbing up and down on the dirt road from Hell, he bored me silly with his personal details. If the "tour" had lasted much longer, I would have flown my Southern butt into a windmill too. Good lord.

We get to see animated Christmas lights today. Oh boy. Happy trails.

Wednesday, Dec 16, 2009 Palm Springs

I'm sorry to take so long to update the blog. It seems Google wanted me to run the gauntlet and wouldn't allow me to sign in till I said uncle. I finally said uncle and so I am here.

I am enjoying wearing shorts and the weather. While driving around in The Crapper today, I turned on the AC. Monty really liked having the AC on. He really didn't need it but it is along the same line as having ice cream on the top of apple pie. It just makes good better. The puppies are long haired and they complain when hot.We had a lady ask today if we saved their fur to make clothing. Oh buddy, I had flashbacks of the Santa Fe Farmer's Market. No, I am not spinning the puppies’ fur into hippy hats. Don’t get me started on the hippy hats. It took me a week to stop talking about the hippies. Thank God and Greyhound they’re gone. Well, sort of. Anyway, the weather has been great.

I went bike riding in the wash today. I’ve mentioned the wash a couple times.The bike trail goes along the outer rim for about a mile then dips into the dry river bed for about a half mile then reemerges and runs off God knows where. I was riding around having a blast when I saw a guy sitting on the concrete edge of the rim,and was dressed like he was out jogging. I rode past him and being a Southern gentleman, I told him what a nice day it was. He mumbled something that I couldn’t hear.I didn’t pay too much attention to what he said, because Californian folks are not used to being around nice mannered, Southern people, and their heads tend to explode when someone is nice to them. A few minutes later I rode past the guy again, but I was a little closer to the rim this time. That is when I saw his tent that he had erected in the wash. Homeboy was actually Homelessboy. I am told that homeless people live in the wash. All around that area I saw piles of stuff that normally would have been found in a person's suitcase or purse--no not a man purse. It looked like an area where suitcases and purses had been stolen and dumped out onto the ground. What struck me as amazing is that the water in the wash can come up very suddenly during a rain and he and the tent would float down the wash very unceremoniously. We eastcoasters don’t understand the power of a little rain. The ground here doesn’t absorb water; it runs quickly to the washes. A simple rain becomes a river in the wash in minutes. Of course this guy and his tent likely would get washed away from a small rain storm. That got me to thinking how we could help him. When the water finally subsided, all he would need to do was loot stores, shoot at the people that arrived to help him, and finally move into a FEMA trailer. Later he could sue FEMA for endangering his life with formaldehyde from the trailer. This guy would go from homeless guy living in the wash to rich guy living in a mansion (that has a view of the wash) in no time flat. Hold on while I run outside and put up my American flag.

A great deal of the streets here in the valley are named after famous people. A few good examples would be Dinah Shore Drive, Bob Hope Drive, Gerald Ford Drive, Frank Sinatra Drive, etc. I love it. There is a Mary Pickford Theater too. I must admit the only way that I knew Mary Pickford was from an episode of The Beverly Hillbillies where Mary Pickford was their favorite actress. You will not find any current celebrities with street named after them. May I make a few suggestions? . How about Tiger Woods Blvd which would would be lined with bordellos and golf club stores. Michael Jackson Ave would lead you through a gaggle of children's playgrounds and plastic surgery hospitals. Of course Richard Gere Street would butt up to Gerbil Blvd. I could go on for hours. When did our celebrities become such weird people?

See yall tomorrow unless Google wants to play more games.

Monday, Dec 14, 2009 Palm Springs

Oh my goodness. Today the weather was so nice that I got to wear shorts. Tomorrow, I will get to wear shorts too. In fact, it looks like shorts are the uniform of the day for the near future. Deb had on short pants. You know those pants thing that are too short for pants but too long for shorts. I guess you would call them phorts. I could never wear those things. They look like you put your pants into the dryer on the wrong temperature setting, and it comes out looking like something only Little Lord Fauntleroy would wear. If I wore those things I would be the Bella Donna of the Doggie Park. Before I switch thoughts, I would like you to note that I got to wear shorts today. I am a happy puppy.

Did you see the pictures from yesterday? The same view today was better. I thought about posting a picture of the view and telling you about me wearing shorts. But, I felt it might be too much for you landlubbers. California life is good when the wash isn't carrying away your house. Surf's up Dude.

We visited Minerva Street in Cathedral City last night. This street is in a neighborhood where most of the houses are highly decorated with lights and shiny things that make stupid people want to get out of their cars and take photographs with the flash on. As a whole the decorations were okay--at best. If I lived on that street the lights would be synchronized to music, and stupid people from all over the land would come and photograph the lights with their flashes on. One guy on the street had his two car garage filled with a wittle train that ran around in his wittle Christmas village. The doors were open and the opening was covered in Plexiglas. The Plexiglas keeps the stupid people's kids from electrocuting themselves. Riley wanted to leave a mini model of Detroit in his Christmas village, but the Plexiglas stopped that idea. Riley is such an art snob. I have not gotten my Christmas light fix yet.

I still have hope. There are a couple guys in Indio that have animated light displays (synchronized to music). We plan to visit those displays in the next few days. Also, we plan to go see The Living Desert's Christmas Festival. I was told that it is a nice display that has 350,000 lights. The Living Desert is a zoo and botanical garden that resides in the Palm Desert/Indian Wells area. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What do Christmas lights and zoo have in common? Ding, ding, ding. The answer is: money. I guess people won't line up in droves to snap pictures of the animals. But that zoo does have a novelty that folks in that part of town never get to see. Can you guess what that novelty is? If you guessed a democrat then you guessed correctly. The Living Desert is on our agenda for Friday night.

We start the return trip to Raleigh after Christmas.

Sunday, Dec 13, 2009

Mountain view from the trailerpark.














Front View of Turtle motorhome














Rear view of Turtle motorhome














The top picture is what I saw this morning. This is a truly magnificent view when it isn't raining. The other pictures are of a "motorhome" that is parked in our trailerpark. This is an old Airstream trailer mounted on a medium duty truck bed. I just love the step stool that he uses at the entrance. I'm pretty sure he is over the maximum height requirements. If you look closely, you will see how he notched the sides of the trailer to allow clearance for the rear wheels. I wonder when he discovered he needed to do that. The truck must be 30 or 40 years old. I especially loved the wreath on the front. The guy that drives this must be lost. Quartzsite is in Arizona not Palm Springs.

Yesterday morning around 8 AM, we heard loud talking outside, so we went outside to see what was up. It turns out the talking was from a PA system in the distance and was in Spanish. I'm told it was an Our Lady of Guadalupe celebration. The road was blocked at several places and thousands of people were walking down the road. At the front of the procession was a statue and behind that was a dozen women dressed in what looked to be Aztec garb. It was really neat to see. The Latinos really take their religion seriously. I don't know much about Our Lady of Guadalupe, but maybe I should add a little statue of her to the Madona, Jesus, and crystal display on the dashboard. It couldn't hurt. I was amazed by the number of people participating in this celebration. I don't think we could ever get that many Baptists to do that even if you bribed them with fried chicken, potato salad, liquor, and dancing. Not to mention that they would want to drive and not walk.

I need a Christmas light fix. That idiot that didn't do his display still upsets me. So, I looked up a few displays here in the valley. We will try to go see them in the next couple of days. I'm told that a couple are animated. I miss my display. This morning I started building some controllers for next year's display. I might blink some lights here in the trailerpark just for fun. Maybe I could get that guy with the Turtle camper to let me put some on his "rig". The Christmas lights would double his resale value. Of course a tank of gas quadruples his resale value. Next year my Raleigh display should top out around 100,000 lights and 500 channels of control. I've got to bulldoze the front yard to expand it. It will be spectacular--the display not the bulldozing.

See yall later.

Friday, Dec 11, 2009 Palm Springs

It rained here again. Before we arrived in Palm Springs, it had not rained here since June 2008. It has rained twice in one week, since we got here. It has to be the fact that we had The Love Boat washed and spiffed up when we got here. It never fails. The locals appreciate the rain and on some level so do I. I just wish it wouldn't mess up The Love Boat. I've been in California long enough that I'm starting to whine. Good lord, I'm going to slap myself.

Speaking of getting The Love Boat spiffed up, we had a local company that operates a mobile detailing service wash and debug The Love Boat minutes after we got here. It's not that I planned it that way, it just kind of fell in my lap--as they say. This company did a wonderful job of removing the insects that prostrated themselves on the windshield and bow of The Love Boat. I believe most of those were flies that were circling around those stinking hippies in Santa Fe. Regardless, the bugs were all over the bow. Now if you remember, our first slip in the trailerpark was next to Fancypants. I also need to remind you it was minutes after docking next to Fancypants, when the detailing guys pulled up. The owner of the detailing company is/was/seemed to be a very nice guy with very good interpersonal communication skills. Well as soon as the detailing guys got out of the truck, Fancypants sashsayed hurriedly to the owner of the company screaming, and I do mean screaming, for him not to wash "that thing" because he was having his roof sealed. I guess he was putting something on his trailer's roof, or maybe he was siliconing the great divide in his head. I don't know what he meant, and I really don't care. Really. Are you keeping up with me? Good. So, Fancypants and Detailer Guy are having a one sided screaming match, and I just knew we had docked in Trailerpark Hell. You might say Fancypants had his panties all bunched up. Detailer Guy stood and listened for a couple minutes then shook his head and went back to work. Of course, Fancypants then sashsayed himself back to Casa Crackpot. I didn't really think much of it until today.

Today, while we were leaving to go grocery shopping, I noticed Detailer Guy was washing the motorhome that had just pulled into the slip across from us. Detailer Guy walked over and asked us why we had changed slips. Of course, I told him about how Fancypants had complained about the puppies barking...yada, yada, yada. I didn't whine once during the conversation. That is when Detailer Guy informed us of his distaste for Fancypants due to the one sided screaming match between him and Fancypants. Detailer Guy said that "nobody should talk to him that way" to which I wholeheartedly agreed. Furthermore, he said while pointing at the back row of permanent residents, "...that some of the people that live here year round think they own the place". Well self-proclaimed Mayor Fancypants has now made a year round enemy. Can't we all get along? I need a hug. Yeah right. my big ole hairy butt.

There are two gazillion men walking around this town with man purses. What gives with that? When does a healthy man decide he needs to carry around a bunch of crap that won't fit in his billfold? Good night, what do they have in those things? Big Macs, Pocket Fishermen, blow dryers, Chihuahuas, socket wrench sets? It makes my head hurt.

I'll whine some more tomorrow. That is all for today.

Thursday, Dec 10, 2009 Palm Springs

I stopped at Walgreens today for something. So I went inside and faced this shelf in the back of the store looking for whatever it was I went in there for. There was a short woman about five feet to my left who was searching the shelf for something as well. All of a sudden this woman spins around with her back to the shelf facing me. Then she puts the elbow part of her arm covering the lower part of her face making an upside down V with her arm. She very slowly inched between me and the shelf while covering the lower part of her face. This went on for several seconds before I asked her who she was pretending to be? Zorro or Dracula? From behind the elbow, Zorhole whispers that she didn't want to sneeze on me. So, I asked Zorhole why in the world was she squeezing herself between me and the shelf and not going the other way. She didn't answer me but scurried off down the Christmas decorations aisle. I thought Walgreens kept out stupid people. Well I can tell you they don't.

I guess Deb calling the Whiner Hotline worked. The business that was making all of that noise behind our motorhome at 4am was quiet this morning. I guess the police (Pole Lease) went over there and pistol whipped them or something. I didn't hear any screams of pain coming from there, so I guess the cops pistol whipped them inside the building or something. Guido and the boys didn't pays us a visit or anything. My universe is better today. Surf's up dude.

There is a street here called Ramon Road. I love that name. I wish we had a Ramon Road in Raleigh. It sound especially cool when you say it with a Southern accent (Raaaa Moannnn). Of course at home they would pronounce it Raymon. Here is has a latin sound to it. I would love to live on Ramon Road, Raleigh. It sounds poetic doesn't it? Maybe I will bring the matter up with the powers to be when I get home.

I noticed a huge billboard yesterday advertising a bail bond business. There is nothing unusual about that. Right? This one had a nice spin on it. The person on the billboard was a young boy, and the text below it said, "I never go anywhere else". I'm sure this was an attempt for the bail bondsman to honor his son by putting his picture on the billboard. However, my initial thought was the child was a criminal that needed bailing out of jail on a regular basis. Now that is an unusual way to make your son famous. There should be a test that stupid people have to take before they are allowed to put up billboards or go in Walgreens. I must admit that stupid people are entertaining. I wonder if Zorhole was Bail Bond Boy's mother? It is beginning to make sense to me now.

Have a great day.

Assorted pictures from the trip

The PT Crapper and Love Boat (click to enlarge)












The Cadillac Ranch













Riley the modern art critic













Deb, Monty, and an Irish Wolf Hound in Santa Fe















Some stray trailerpark dogs

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Meet Monty and Riley in the PT Crapper. Riley is on the left. We like to say Riley is a Democrat and Monty is a Republican. I'll explain that sometime in the future.


I am horrified. We went to see the Grand Pooba of Morons Christmas light display last night, and it wasn't there. This can't be happening to me. I spent hours sharpening my wit axe just to lay waste to his forest of foolishness. Did one of you guys call him and tell him I was on my way? This ain't fair. I drove 2600 miles to heckle him. I sure there is a law against this type of thing somewhere. Crap.

I awoke this morning at 4am. I was not happy. No, it was not The American Idiot Idol of Christmas Lights getting retribution. It was the business behind the trailerpark. The workers were loading trucks with forklifts at 4am about 25 yards from The Love Boat. The forklifts had the backup alarms that are extremely loud to overcome jobsite noise. You know the sound, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, etc, etc. Of course the semi-trucks blowing their airhorns didn't help either. Now let me start with this. I own and manage residential rental property. People whine to me about things I am and not responsible for on a daily basis. I detest whiners. Having said that, I didn't want to whine to the head trailerpark dude here. That wasn't going to happen. I didn't think it proper for me to whine to the morons next door either. Yes they are morons, they knew they were making noise and didn't care. I was mad enough to smack the fuzz off all their pointy heads. I knew I shouldn't go over there. If I called the police (Southerners say Pole Lease) they might do a Rodney King on me and that wasn't an option. I wasn't thinking clearly due to sleep deprivation, and I had a look on my face very similar to Monty's when I left him at the groomers. What was I going to do? Then Deb phoned and said that she found a whiners hot line for noise complaints . Now I have been californicated. Only in California could you find a hotline to whine to the police (remember the pronunciation). Deb told me that she had already called the hotline. I had a wave of horror flow over me that Guido and the boys next door were going to come over and start yet more trouble. Then Deb told me that the caller's identity is kept confidential. Here we go again. Only in California could this be possible. So, I thought that I should make a big sign that says, "HE CALLED THE WHINER HOTLINE" with an arrow pointing to Fancypant's House of Horrors. Maybe the sign should have a date of Fancypant's return. Now that would be an adequate solution to two separate problems. I never said that life in the trailerpark couldn't be fun.

Tuesday, Dec 8, 2009

I took the puppies to the groomers today for a bath, ears cleaning, nail trimming, undercarriage wash, and paw rotation. Historically speaking, the puppies want no part of a bath especially Monty. The nice lady led Riley off by himself and Monty looked up at me, and I understood immediately what he was thinking. If Monty could talk he would have said, "You aren't going to leave me here are you?. To heck with Riley let's beat feet". Then the lady came back and Monty knew that a bath was imminent.

I picked up the puppies four hours later, and they had been girly upped quite nicely. The nice lady had trimmed their paw hairs, fluffed them up, and they smelled like a French whorehouse. Any yes, they were not happy. The lady said that they normally put bows or ribbons in the dogs' hair, but I didn't want to add insult to injury. They will have puppy nightmares for days to come over the canine concentration camp. Poor little californicated puppies.

Deb and I must be living right. A winter storm left twenty inches of snow in Flagstaff and 100 MPH winds in New Mexico. The twenty inches of snow was more than four times the record set in 1956. In case you don't remember, we were in Flagstaff and New Mexico about a week ago. I whined about the girly man 40 MPH winds we sailed through. This reminds me of the last time we drove to California from Raleigh. The same thing happened then. We made it through the continental divide and the weather turned ugly with the weather on our heels. This time it was offset by a week. I am convinced it is my dashboard mounted, plastic Madonna, Jesus (this is the last reminder it is pronounced Hey not Je), and crystals from Sedona. At least I hope so because we have to start home in twenty days.

We plan to go see the Sultan of Stupidity’s Christmas light display tonight or tomorrow. I’ve waited a couple years to see his infamous display. Maybe he will be hanging around outside, and I can talk to him in person. Oh goody. I’m as giddy as a school girl.

Monday, Dec 7, 2009

The local newspaper interviewed and frontpaged an article about four men that survived Pearl Harbor. These guys are heros and all about ninety years old. I'm amazed they could remember anything about it. One commonality that I gathered from each interview was that they said the fighter planes that strafed the area, after the bombing runs, all had smiling gunners in the rear. The pilot would fly the plane and the rear-facing gunner would shoot at them while grinning the entire time. Now how in the world could they see a smiling gunner in an aircraft traveling at 100+ mph? The rear shooting gunners would have been a hit at the doggie park yesterday.

Palm Springs got rain yesterday for the first time since June 2008. It rained too baby. I've spent lots of time in the desert in my life both personal and military time. When it rains in the desert you find high ground rather quickly even if you are in the city. There is a dry river bed, commonly called a wash, 200 yards from our trailerpark that became a river after the storm. Now this wash is about 100 yards wide and 15 yards deep and runs through the town. The ground doesn't absorb water like clay soils and neither does the asphalt; so, the water ends up in the wash. Maybe that is where the saying comes from, "It all comes out in the wash"?

We started to walk the puppies to the wash but I couldn't get the logging chain disconnected from the old refrigerator outside. We've thought about trading the puppies in on pitbulls , but we have gotten attached to them. We could have taken The Crapper but it's up on cement blocks next to the refrigerator. When the check comes in on the first, we are going to get tars put on it down at The Walmart. Deb bought me a sleeveless half-shirt yesterday along with a pair of Daisy Dukes for herself. That woman knows fashion.

I am beginning to think we are living next door to a vampire except vampires come out at night and this person(s) only comes out during the daytime. Sort of like a daytime vampire. This person's motorhome is nice and a nice car is parked out front--sometimes. The car is gone at times and there at others. The curtains in the front of the motorhome are closed at times and open others. Somebody or something is occupying that motorhome, but we just haven't seen it, him, or them. Now that is a good neighbor. Speaking of neighbors, I'm told Fancypants has left the trailerpark for two weeks. I don't know where he went, but I am told he is gone. I was wondering today if he might have left his permanent residence here, Casa Móvil Fancypants, and sashayed himself over to Quartzsite to vacation. I think that he may want to see how the other half lives. It makes perfect sense to me. Wait unti he gets back and sees my new tars. He will be super jealous.

Sunday, Dec 6, 2009

We are doing advanced planning for our trip home. The start date is a few days after Christmas. We planned the route as far south as we can get without actually being in Mexico. The reason is to avoid snow. The snow that fell in NC was the same storm that hit us in Santa Fe days earlier. Now think about driving a 12 ft wide and high, 33 ft long vehicle through that snow. Santa has to travel in that mess, we don't.

We took the puppies to the doggie park today. There were no celebrities running committing poop de grace that I could tell. When we cut Riley loose from his leash he immediately ran around and smelled the butt of every dog in the park. Had I done the same with the humans, all I would have smelled would have been Vaseline. Riley didn't care for the other dogs getting behind him. Each time a male dog would get behind him he would sit down. Riley is no dummy. Riley had a great idea, so when the male owners would run around behind me I would sit down too. I'll have to plan our next visit to the doggie park on heterosexual day.

There are lots of celebrities in the Coachella Valley. Palm Springs is only a portion of the valley. On the front page of the local newspaper today there was a picture of Suzanne Summers harvesting vegetables from her garden in back of her house. She had a basket and was picking greens in a low-cut prom dress. When I was growing up my mother always wanted me to wear a tuxedo to weed our garden. I thought that was pretentious, so I would wear a suit and bow tie. At that time in my life it probably would have been a baby blue, polyester suit but a suit nonetheless. I got the idea from Oliver Wendell Douglas on Green Acres. What was I talking about? Oh yes, Suzanne and her prom dress. My inside source to the rich and pretentious told me that Suzanne Summers had put up her house for sale. It is listed at $65 million. Had I grown up in a $65 million house with a backyard garden, I know my mother would have insisted that I weed the garden in a tuxedo. Yuck.

Many of you know that I like Christmas lights. I have a large Christmas light display that is synchronized to music just not this year. I know what you are thinking. Go ahead. Get it out of your system so we can go on. Come on. No, it not like The Griswalds in the movie Christmas Vacation. Geez, yall need to get out more. Very near to our trailerpark is a guy that is nationally famous for being a nut that likes Christmas lights. Here is an article about him. You might have to copy it and paste it into a browser.
http://tinyurl.com/ylgjej8

We plan to visit Chez Nutcase tomorrow tonight. That will be fun to talk about.

Today was a slow day. We needed a quiet day. So, I will try to pick up the pace tomorrow.

December 5, 2009 Palm Springs

Deb took the puppies out for a walk this morning while I tried to fix the flat tire on her bicycle. She took a circuitous route trying to find a nonexistent entrance to a greenway trail that connects her parent's place with our trailerpark. While she was hunting a man came out of a business and wanted to know what breed the puppies are. We get that a lot because their breed, Keeshond, is somewhat rare. Deb loves talking about how the breed came from Holland and how they were barge dogs, etc. etc. This gentleman said he wanted a dog and saw the puppies and loved their looks. The puppies are used to this type of behavior because they know that they are the Pierce Brosnans of the puppy world. They know it and are comfortable with it. Anyway, he thanked Deb and went back to work.

Later in the day, I was sitting in the navigator seat of The Love Boat working on yesterday's blog post, when a car pulled up in front of our camper. I told Deb what I saw, and she told me that this was the guy that had stopped her while walking. I was relieved because my initial thoughts were Fancypants had gotten a posse and was coming to deal us some justice. Evidently, the gentleman had gone home and gotten his wife and was combing the neighborhood trying to find the puppies so she could see them herself. It was a kind of paparazzi moment for the puppies. The puppies charmed the lady and they both left wanting Monty and Riley clones. I was impressed.

I got cutoff in traffic by a Bentley today. A Bentley is a $250K+ car. I had never been cutoff by a Bentley before and didn't know how to act. What does one do? Scream obscenities about his mother or roll down the window and ask if he has any Grey Poupon. The owner of this car likely lived in Indian Wells, CA which is very near to us. Indian Wells is said to be the richest city in the US. It has about 5000 full time residents. Deb has an uncle that lives in Indian Wells that feeds us information. I thought about following the Bentley jerk home and putting a BO for President bumpersticker onto his car. He would be ostracized from Indian Wells before he knew what happened to him. That would fix his little red wagon. But I didn't because I didn't want to be seen acquiring a BO bumpersticker. Besides, one of the other voices in my head said it would upset my chakra. My chakra was beaten so badly yesterday that I was concerned for its well being.

Other stuff happened today that was interesting, but I think that I will wait to talk about it.

Dec 4, 2009 Palm Springs

Today was a bittersweet day.

Today, my wife got to sit in the same room with her parents and few other family members. I would wade through waters infested with alligators to allow her that privilege. Of course, we are in Palm Springs, CA and there are no alligators but California speed bumps might feel the same. During our final leg of driving, we survived the areas of the interstate labeled "Expect high winds" or "Death spiral, mountain downgrade, say your prayers before this downgrade ahead". The death spiral signs are huge and mess with your chakra but we survived. DANGER, WHINING AHEAD. Please remember I warned you.

I am sick of crawling up the upgrades and death spiraling downgrades. We must have gone through two or three thousand ascents and descents of mountains in the last week. I will quit whining when I have sat on flat ground for a couple days. I promise. I understand the California lifestyle now. I speak Californian and will translate a typical day. "Okay kids get in the car and please don't vomit as we death spiral on the third mountain. It upsets the dogs chakra." I promise not to mention chakras again for a while.

I intentionally waited to update the blog. We had a rough start here in Palm Springs. We arrived in early afternoon and setup in a "RV Resort". To keep from being sued I will not mention the "RV Resort's" name. Well if the "RV Resort" was going to resort to anything it would be to lend truth in advertising. This ain't a "RV Resort", it is a trailer park. An RV resort would not have year round residents. But who am I to be picky.

We pulled into this park and found our assigned spot and docked The Love Boat into our thirty day slip. As luck had it, it was not thirty days before we moved, it was thirty minutes. The person in the permanent residence next door found offense with Riley barking. Riley had been couped up for two weeks and was not a happy puppy. Oh man that pun worked out in my favor. Riley had in fact barked a few times while I was present and was reprimanded. I am not certain about what transpired after I left to run an emergency errand. Anyway. the permanent resident beside our spot waited until I left then decided to sashay his fancy pants over to The Love Boat and verbally abuse my wife about the puppies' conduct. Deb called me on the cell phone (no it is not a ship to shore telephone) and informed me about Fancypant's conduct. I am a reasonable man. I have been told that by sober people a few times in my life. Anyway, Fancypants committed a cardinal sin by waiting until I left before jumping my woman, The Queen of My Singlewide with Slideouts. This is where I jump onto a table and beat my chest like King Kong, yelling "Woman good, Fancypants bad" and jump around grunting. I think you get the picture. I told Deb not to worry because I would handle it. I drove back and spoke to the park manager and fixed the problem. We moved and my chakra was stable again. Ok I lied about not mentioning chakras again. The spot we moved to was just fine. I thought my bad karma day was over until we tried leaving the "RV Resort". I was driving along about stall speed for The Crapper heading toward the exit when open stupidedness commanded by attention. I don't care if stupidedness is not a word. Please keep up. The Crapper has a manual transmission and stall speed is about 7 to 10 mph. I am not sure and could care less about the actual speed the thing stalls. As we were leaving we had a person, hereafter called Mr Dumas, pull his golf cart out in front of The Crapper. I mentioned to my woman (at this point I still was still jumping around and beating my hairy chest) that Mr Dumas lacked the necessary skills to successfully live a normal and constructive life. I stopped the car and said, "Deb did you notice the highly educated gentleman navigating his golfcart into a collision path with our car with impudence?" To which The Queen of My Single Wide with Slideouts said, "Yes darling, his driving skills are so rudimentary". Well Mr Dumas decided to shine a flashlight into my eyes during his trek to ICU. I stopped the car and decided to inquire as to why Mr Dumas needed my assistance. I will quote Mr Dumas word for word, "The park speed limit is 5 mph". As I mentioned earlier, I am a reasonable man. Mr Dumas had pushed another button that Fancypants had not. By now I had been deathspiraled, windblown, and vacated as much as my earnest upbringings would allow. I thought about jumping onto his golf cart and swatting at Mr Dumases (plural for more than one Dumas) like King Kong on the Empire State Building swatted airplanes. But, my chakra had stabilized, so I calmly decided to leave Mr Dumas to his trailerparkedness and go visit with some nice people namely my wife's folks. The rest is history. I miss the vortexes (gggrrrr) of Sedona.
Al

December 3, 2009 Quartzsite, AZ

When we stopped to take on fuel at the Flying J Truck Stop in Phoenix we saw someone from our past. Yep, it was "Private RV" boy. You might remember that was two states and four days ago. They were in the RV parking area waiting on dark-- I guess. The car carrier they were towing wasn't present though. I wonder if it fell off somewhere? I'll bet you he was heading to Quartzsite. He would be considered wealthy in Quartzsite. However, at the Flying J, he would be the truck that nobody wants to park beside.

I was dizzy most of today. I think I am suffering from vortex deprivation. After I finish this post, I will crawl under the crystals glued to the dash. Maybe I can realign my chakra.

We made it to Quartzsite, AZ today. This is not a destination for most RVers. Quartzsite is a very small town on the Arizona and California border off Interstate 10. Deb read today that the year round populace is about 5000 people. Her internet source said that it swelled to 1 million during January and February. I might contest that number but you get the picture what happens to this town. The thing about this town is that the RVers stay in the desert dry camping. Dry camping means no water, electric, or sewer connections. Dry docking is another term for it. Nasty is the best term I can use. These folks go to the Bureau of Land Management Office (BLM) and get a permit to boondock in the desert for a few dollars. I heard it is $6 but my sources are suspect. Regardless, the cheapskates come in droves. Not only droves, they come in school buses, trailers, fifth-wheels, motorhomes, and just about anything you imagine. This is not a destination for anybody I know. But what the hey, The Love Boat sails through all waters even off season Burning Man Festival participants. You should google The Burning Man Festival.

We drove from end to end of this town in 5 minutes. It had 2 grocery stores. At home we would call them convenience stores. A full-blown grocery is 25 miles away. Have you visualized the depth of this place? We stopped in the General Store to purchase some stuff. The line was ten people deep at the register. The "gentleman" behind us was likely on parole from one of the fine, privately owned prisons near us. I saw a bumper sticker in NC that somewhat offended me. The bumper sticker read, "Paddle faster, I think I hear banjo music". I now understand that bumpersticker. Prison Boy was the kind of guy that you would look at (very briefly) and say to yourself, "I'll bet your mama is proud of you". Of course you would never want to say it to his face.

We took the puppies and let them run loose in the desert. They had a blast. During our trip, they have learned a new phrase, "Puppies want to play?". Monty is a little quicker than Riley learning new human phrases. Regardless, they both knew that play meant running free. They had a blast and so did we. The desert has its rewards. While the puppies were marking Quartzsite, Deb was running around hunting for a rock for our collection--I won't go into the collection just yet. She would walk over and pick up a big rock, look it over, and then throw it down. I realized after she was finished that I forgot to tell her to turn the rock over with her shoe before picking it up. Big rocks in the desert are sometimes hiding places for scorpions, tarantulas, snakes, and tattooed prison parolees. She will read this and not do that again.

In Palm Springs there is a dog park that the rich and famous use. The puppies played in the facilities there a few years ago. Monty and Riley have waited for months to sniff rich and famous dog butt. I personally have not seen any poo scooping celebrities but a month is a long time.

Palm Springs is full of extremely wealthy (i.e. Bill Gates has a house there), famous people, and snow birds. Each visit I've made to Palm Springs has been entertaining. I'll post about the people that we meet there. After Christmas, Deb and I will start back to Raleigh on a more southerly route in an attempt to avoid snow. Our friend Walter will fly to Austin, TX and replace Deb who will fly home. The last leg of the trip should be entertaining.

Tomorrow is Palm Springs and a close to a 2600 mile journey. A close to the journey but not the blog.

December 2, 2009 Sedona, AZ

I forgot to talk about the RV Park that we are staying in. The R in RV park is supposed to be an abbreviation of the word recreational. All but one of the other campers in this RV park are more wreckreational. This is a mobilehome park for wayward trailers. There ain't any cars up on jacks or dogs tied up to refrigerators with logging chains, but give them time and they will. I keep waiting on Nashville's Mullet Head Queen to pull up in her Vega. If she does, we have her over for Buds and grill some Vienna Sausages we bought at "The Walmart".

The little community where we are staying is not in Sedona, but is about fifteen minutes away. While PT Crappering another community near ours, Deb saw a store that caught her eye. Deb has wanted to get the puppies a bath for a couple weeks which the puppies want no part of. Anyway, Deb saw this dog grooming place and started laughing. It was called Doggie Style Dog Groomers which too funny. The puppies find nothing funny about dog grooming. Getting a bath upsets their chakra.

Rock crystals are quite popular here. Stores selling crystals are everywhere. I really don't care to understand the significance between the crystals and the vorticies. But, I kind of like the idea of positive energy being transferred via the crystals. So, I plan to buy a few crystals for The Love Boat's dashboard. I figure that if I glue them next to the miniature, plastic Madona and Jesus (remember it is pronounced Hey not Je), I will be pretty much set. I'm not sure what "pretty much set" means but if I dwell on it, I will channel in negative energy and my chakra will upchuckra. I simply can't have that occur. I think my dashboard display will be the envy of our trailerpark.

We had a hefeweizen in a local brewery last night that was amazingly good. It has to be the best hefeweizen I have had since my days in Germany. The brewery is called Oak Creek. The hefeweizen won a gold medal in 2003 at the World Beer Festival. Now that is a worthy credential. I plan on whining to the brewmaster to see if he will give me his recipe. If you are out this way try the hefeweizen at the brewery/restaurant.

That is all for the moment. We have not ventured out for the day yet. I'll update this later in the day.

Update:
Today was a freeze your butt off morning, followed by a wish I had on shorts day. In the evening it got cold again. I wish it would make up its mind.

Deb had to work today so she had to hang around the motorhome. However, I took The Crapper and went to Montezuma Castle National Park. It has a dwelling that is built into the rock face of the mountain. It is said to be 1000 years old. The folks that lived there sort of disappeared without any records. The experts theorize that the reason they vacated could have been famine from overcrowding, disease, or a few other ugly things. I personally think the problem was that the hippies moved in due to the vorticies in Sedona. The pueblo Indians thought they smelled like buffalo poo and moved to Phoenix. Last man out please shutoff the lights.

We took the puppies to Montezuma Well today. I guess when the place becomes a national park the apostrophe for possessiveness goes away. I didn't learn that in college. I won't give you inaccurate details, but this thing is huge. It is a mini Grand Canyon fed from underground springs to which the water ultimately becomes a river through a hole somewhere. The path around showed dwellings that the pueblos lived in. Of course the pueblo dwellings were just down the path from the pueblo real estate agent's cave dwelling. I would have charged two goats and a chicken a month for prime property like that. The puppies enjoyed the walk around this thing but couldn't find anything to pee on that didn't have thorns (except the park service's signs).

Our schedule has changed again. Deb's work schedule and the lack of wireless internet connection warrants a late start tomorrow. We will stay somewhere along the way and finish the journey to Palm Springs on Friday.View Blog

December 1, 2009 Sedona, AZ

We left Nowhereville early this morning. We took on fuel (cars get gas, motorhomes take on fuel, please write that down) at Winslow, AZ. Now the Eagles fans know where we stopped. Allow me to paraphrase, "... I was standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona such a fine sight to see. When a girl my lord in a flat bed Ford slowed down to take a look at me...". Well Winslow was in trouble today. I had the Love Boat's CB on and the truck drivers were talking about the toilet problem in Winslow. It seems the sewer lines in the entire city were shut off for some ugly reason. Please note that I have not verified this information from another source other than the Rubber Duck Network. The Love Boat has a flushing toilet regardless if the Flying J does not. I thought about renting out our toilet for $5 for 5 minutes but Deb would never have gone for that. Please no puns intended.

We stopped in Flagstaff, AZ for food today. "The Walmart" didn't have a Calgon water machine but the greeter lady said the Bashas' grocery store at the end of the strip mall did. Deb whirled around and "The Walmart" was history. Bashas' was cross between Harris Teeter and Whole Foods. Evidently this grocery chain has an identity crisis. It wants to be a health food store but Bubbas want Budweiser. This ain't Santa Fe Yall. So we get groceries and head out for the last 50 miles of the day's journey.

We traveled 50 miles and dropped 3000 feet in elevation in 15 miles. Furthermore, we went from freezing temperatures to needing our mega fans sucking air through the camper. Flagstaff had snow in the parking lot of Bashas'. Here the maintenance guy had on shorts. Good lord, I don't know what to wear.

We went into Sedona after lunch. Before you die you should see what we saw. I promise to post photos in Palm Springs. The mountains were magnificent. Deb wanted the standard billboard sweatshirt, so we stopped in town. This is a nice place to visit. The people are nice and the scenery is overwhelming. Oh buddy here comes the funny.

Evidently, there are four vortexes (I know the spelling should be vortices but they say vortexes here) which brings forth this energy that resonants their chakra and stuff. You can google the words for further enlightenment. The vortexes (I had to use that word) channel energy to the earth. My engineer friends are spiraling around in their chairs for the second or third time in one paragraph. Please forgive me my astute scientific friends. We own a Dyson vacuum cleaner. It has a vortex cleaning action that sucks the puppies' hair into this plastic circular vortex that is easy to dump into the trash. I surely hope the four active vortexes (gggrrrrrr) are not sucking my thoughts and aspirations into the ground in Arizona. I could have stayed in Raleigh and had my aspirations of normalcy sucked out of me by the city council and Meeker.

Tomorrow Deb has to work. Bummer. I planned to take the puppies to each vortex and allow them to poop on each vortex. Riley has been in training for years preparing this event. We may not have time for all four, so if your chakra palpitates tomorrow blame it on the puppies namely Riley the Poopinator.

We remain in Sedona tomorrow.