I went to "The Walmart" today to get some stuff. Maybe I should say La Walmarto. Regardless, I went into the big box store with camping stuff that is manned and managed by total idiots. Great Caesar's Ghost (which would be pronounced SAY ZAR instead of SEA ZAR). Regardless. there was a man dressed as a woman that worked there. Don't don't call me homophobic or homo anything for that matter. But this guy made one butt ugly looking woman. You've heard that saying that he had a face only his mother could love? Well his mother would really struggle with him dressing up like that. It ain't Halloween, what was this joker thinking. He must have graduated from the Tammy Faye Baker School of Cosmetology. Butt Ugly Boy should not apply his makeup with spray cans and mason trowels. Good lord. I almost heaved when I saw this monster. He had an adam's apple. I have never seen a woman with an adam's apple. Butt Ugly Boy's voice was a cross between Billy Bob Thornton and Martha Stewart. Oh my lord, please take that image from my brain. I can't stop shivering and it ain't from the lack of cold weather. I got to wear shorts today. Actually I got to wear shorts while viewing this creature from the Black Lagoon. I tried to stop this paragraph on a nice note and look what happened.
You landlubbers think getting your oil changed is a pain. Right? Well you should try getting the oil changed in The Love Boat. This beast is 33 feet long and doesn't like those quick change places garage doors. So, I called a gazillion places until I found somebody stupid enough to let me dock in their shop. Of course I could have gone to the RV dealer but I would prefer to strap that Nigerian terrorist to make leg and set us both on fire. Actually I would have only preferred to set him on fire but that is for another paragraph on another day. Where was I? Oh yeah, I hate taking The Love Boat to RV dealers. They are like the Boss Hoggs of the RV industry. When you walk into an RV dealership you know that you're going to leave feeling abused. If I were at home I would change it myself or take it to the guy down the street that has mechanics that jump at the opportunity to work on a vehicle the size of the Titanic. Dang, I forgot where I was. Anyway, I'm taking it to a place tomorrow that will provide the respect The Love Boat requires without causing my head to spin around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Oh lord, I just googled Linda Blair to make sure I got her name spelled correctly, and I found out she turned 50 years old this year too along with Deb and myself. Well La de Da. She looks like she should eat a Big Mac or something. Great Caesar's ghost. Anyway, I take The Love Boat into dry dock for an oil change tomorrow. Deb is taking The Crapper in for a bath and oil change. This is necessary because we are soon to leave.
We have plotted out the journey for the next week. Wednesday night we will spend the night in The John Wayne RV Ranch which is near Phoenix. If you know me personally, I am a big fan of John Wayne. I'm not expecting anything more than a place to dock without crackheads scurrying around causing turmoil to the puppies. I might be pleasantly surprised how this place was named after the most manly man of men. No, I have not forgotten Lee Marvin. He ranks second fiddle to John Wayne. This is my blog and John Wayne rules. There will be no more discussion. John Wayne would smack the pretty off Pierce Brosnan then ride over and smack some sense into the crackheads we call celebrities. John Wayne was a manly man unlike that abomination that I saw in La Walmarto tonight.
Tomorrow will be spent readying us for our 2600 mile trip home. I don't take this lightly and as such I won't update the blog until we reach The John Wayne RV Ranch. The road trip will soon begin and adventures await.
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