Jan 12, 2010 Raleigh

Well the transfer of the Longhorn steer horns from The Crapper to my truck is complete which means we are home. The puppies didn't pay much attention when we let them out of The Loveboat, but during the walk up the driveway they realized that they were home. The puppies were running around the yard having a blast until Deb came out to greet them to which they acted like she had been gone for years instead of days. They were almost as happy as me to get home, but I didn't yip and bark quite as much.

It has been a long trip. During our return trip, we drove 2676 miles in the motorhome and about 750 miles in The Crapper. It was fun and will do it again just not in the near future. We plan to go to Saskatchewan in July which is 2250 miles, however, we don't plan to stay a month in Saskatchewan.

I may post some pictures and stuff in the near future . I know this blog has become somewhat popular and people from Canada to France have been reading it. If you would like to contact me, my email address is MontyAndRiley@REMOVETHISgmail.com. Of course you will need to remove REMOVETHIS to get the address to work. When we hit the road again I'll update the blog.

Happy New Year and trails. Bye for now.
Al

Jan 09, 2010 Helena, AL

I'll bet you're wondering where Helena, AL is located. So am I. It is a couple hundred miles north of Pensacola, FL and a couple hundred miles from anywhere else. We traveled almost 600 miles today and 560 miles remain until Raleigh. We have traveled 2090 since leaving Palm Springs, CA. We may finish the journey tomorrow or may stop somewhere along the way. We shall see tomorrow as to how the many variables of travel come into play. My wife, my home, and the puppies' backyard are relatively close and tempting.

We are stopped for the night in a real trailerpark. The place where we docked is a pull through slip but it is normally used as a road except when overnighters are around. Guess who is tonight's overnighter? We docked and took the puppies for a walk down to the bathhouse to which it had a sign that said "Inspected for Travelers in 1996". Well that was the last time the bathroom was cleaned or repaired. However, this place is cheap and a place to dock for people too tired to struggle or complain. What was really funny was in the bathroom there is a one gallon container of liquid sanitizer. I guess you need to rub it all over like body lotion when you use "the facilities". In all honesty, I met three people in the park tonight and they were super nice.

The puppies are dealing with the drive. Riley is finally getting over being spoiled in Palm Springs by Deb's family. Monty is a nervous wreck from the road noise. He jumps every time The Love Boat crosses a roadbed reflector or warning strip. We have puppy "seatbelts" that are specially made for dogs and are anchored to the same points the regular seat belts are anchored. Without the puppy seatbelts, Monty would be in my lap every 10 minutes from the road noise. Poor puppy. Riley could care less.

The weather here is super cold. What is going on? The light bulb in the water pump compartment worked nicely last night. It is on again tonight as the temperature is supposed to be 18 degrees. This is Alabama not Alaska. It ain't supposed to be cold here. I want my money back. Yada, yada, yada, whine, whine, whine. I'll shut up now.

Jan 08, 2010 Dallas, TX (actually Terrell, TX)

Good lord. I am again nauseated and my dad is spinning in his grave like a trailer in a tornado. We went to see the Sixth Floor Museum in Dallas on Elm Street. The "museum" is on the sixth floor of The Book Depository or more commonly known as the sniper position for Lee Harvey Oswald when he shot John F. Kennedy. What a crock. That place cost $13 and all I got was a bunch of bulletin boards with pictures that I can find on the internet. I did get to see out the window where Oswald shot Kennedy. I had excellent weapons training in the Army and can tell you Oswald was not the lone shooter. That was a really tough shot for one round but for three? Hog wash. He had help. Thanks to that "museum", I'm all conspiracy theoryed about some stuff that happened when I was just a boy. Prepare to hear conspiracies for the next week. Between JFK and LBJ I've had all of the liberalism that I can palate. My father is spinning as fast as a helicopter in his grave because I went to see the liberal meccas. Dad is spinning so fast he could fly The Love Boat back to Raleigh. RIP Dad. I start for home tomorrow.

We also went the new Cowboys stadium. They had a "tour" that cost $18 that allowed us to walk onto the field as well as the lockerooms for the players and cheerleaders. Pppfffffttttt. I could have cared less about the players but was awestruck by the engineering of that building. It has an 85 yard long TV screen. Now why do you need an 85 yard TV when you have $200 tickets? Now come on. Now why would I want to come to a stadium and spend $200 on seats that are in outerspace so I can watch the game on the world's largest bigscreen TV? No it ain't about the excitement it is about the modern day fleecing of the masses. Oh please let me give you $200 so I can watch the stupid game on the stupid TV. I would have gotten a picture of Monty and Riley peeing on the stadium, but I didn't want Monty and Riley to get any death threats. The people who made the threats likely wouldn't know that the puppies can't read. Death threats would make their hair fall out from nervousness. . So the puppies watered the bushes out front and pretended to pee on the stadium. They wanted to wear their new Longhorn cattle horns and have a stampede in the parking lot, but it was too cold for them. They are city puppies after all.

Tomorrow and Sunday will be very long driving days. We have 900+ miles to achieve in two days. I'm not sure if I will have time to update as much, but I will try. The sirens (pronounced SIGH REENS) are calling to me from Raleigh or maybe it is Deb. The reason it is pronounced SIGH REENS is because my southern accent has taken on a Texas intonation in the week that I have been here. I love Texas and Texans. They are unpretentious and good-hearted people. This part of Texas reminds me of North Carolina so much. However, North Carolinians would not appreciate the puppies running around with cattle horns on their heads. But, NC is home even with its flaws.

Some of the water lines on The Love Boat froze last night. It was that cold here. Twenty degrees F if I'm correct. We put a 100 watt light bulb into the compartment with the water pump to keep it from freezing again which should be adequate. Normally when the weather is freezing we shut off and drain all external hoses to The Love Boat and use the onboard 95 gallon fresh water and other holding tanks--which we did. But, the cold was too great and got to the heated spaces too. Brrrrr. I thought it was supposed to be warm in Texas. I want my money back. Of course I thought Texans were supposed to be conservatives. How come I got sucker punched twice with super liberalism? A guy can't count on much anymore.

We saw a boots and liquor store tonight in Terrell. That ranks up there with the store we saw in Branson, MO which had guns, ammo, and liquor. Now that is one stop shopping. It couldn't get any better unless it was a drive through boots and liquor store. Texans know how to roll.

The campground we are staying in had a couple inspirational thoughts on posters in the bathrooms. One said, "Don't squat with your spurs on" and the other one said, "If seven million people like a stupid idea it remains a stupid idea". Now that is inspiration from the outhouse.

Bye for now.

Jan 07, 2010 Dallas, TX`

Well Walter arrived Tuesday night. Deb got home just fine too. What took Walter four hours to fly will take seven days to drive and cost ten times more. Walter and I went to the Congress Street bridge in Austin to watch the millions of bats that fly out at dusk--as Deb said for us to do. I told Walter it was too cold for the bats but we went anyway. At dusk, of course, the bats failed to appear and Deb did further research and found the bats are only present March through November. But the homeless people came out at dusk and congregated at the bridge.

We ran around Austin and went to The Salt Lick Restaurant in Driftwood, TX. It was the best beef brisket that I have ever had. It was cheap too. Walter really liked his too.

We left today for Dallas. It was a short drive of about 230 miles. The wind and cold is horrible. The wind kept blowing The Love Boat side to side which made a short drive seem like an eternity. It seems the 20 degrees F weather is freezing the locals to death. The Raleigh folks were complaining about the weather there but geez Louise. It is going to be very cold tonight with high winds. Even the puppies are hauling their furry butts inside quickly after making icicles on the shrubbery. They are city puppies though and not used to such hardships.

Speaking of the puppies, they are tired of wearing their pigheads. They now want a set of Longhorn cattle horns. I don't know if I want them playing Longhorn Puppy. They might put an eye out. But I do plan to get some horns and put them on The Loveboat or The Crapper. Being in Texas has inspired me that horns are necessary on everything. Besides it is really classy too. I might get the puppies some horns but put rubber tips of them to keep them from goring Walter. The puppies play rough and we don't want Walter having to play one-eyed pirate for real. After all, we're only in Texas for a couple more days. The puppies might look funny running around at the dogpark in Raleigh with horns on their heads.

We are venturing into Dallas tomorrow since we got into the RV park so late. We went into Terrell, TX for dinner and found a Cajun style restaurant which got me to thinking that we are near the Louisiana stateline. I've enjoyed Texas but good lord this is a huge state. We are about 1100 miles from home and the call for my own bed keeps growing louder by the mile. However, we will be having fun it Dallas tomorrow. We plan to go see the Cowboy's new stadium. Cool.

Texas is a truly unique state. Walter saw a roadside billboard advertising an adult bookstore. The unique thing was it had "family parking". Now what does that mean? If that happened in Raleigh the baptist's head would explode regardless if the sign was meant to be funny. Driving into Terrell tonight we saw three drive through liquor stores. Terrell is a small town. I remember when somebody tried to open a similar store in Apex (suburb of Raleigh) and the baptists had a conniption. The baptists said it would promote drunk driving. Yeah right. Tell that to Texans. They have family parking outside their drive-through liquor stores.

We have roughly five days until we reach Raleigh.

Jan 5, 2009 Austin, TX

Christmas decorations at LBJ's ranch.
i

Quiz time. Do you know what that vehicle is beside The Love Boat? You might think it to be a bus. How about an RV or a delivery truck? Nope, nope, and nope. It is a prisoner transfer van. I saw the name on the side and realized it was owned by one of those private prison companies. Don't ask me how I knew the name but I did. The bus pulled beside us at Church's Chicken in SomewhereICantRemember, Texas. I must admit it did unnerve me some having convicts parked beside us. This photo proves The Love Boat docks in all waters.


We stopped at the Lyndon Baines Johnson ranch in Johnson City, TX, and I must admit that I never cared for LBJ. I guess that is why I didn't enjoy the tour of the grounds. I did find it neat being on the same ranch that I saw on TV as a child. However, I knew my father was spinning in his grave the entire time I was there. LBJ was a super liberal that was involved in earth shattering decisions while president. Vietnam and civil rights were at the top of the long list of troubles in which the US was involved. I must admit that I did hold LBJ's wife, Lady Bird Johnson, in high regards. Lady Bird was largely responsible for initiating the wildflower program that is coveted today along the interstate systems. She also was largely responsible for the head start program. However the smell of liberalism was overwhelming on the ranch. Having my father spinning like a propeller in his grave kind of set the tone for me.

While we were driving along HWY 290 trying to find the liberal Mecca, we got a true slice of "The Hill Country" as this part of Texas is known. The Hill Country is a gorgeous region of Texas with trees, grass, and rolling hills. It kind of reminds me of Raleigh. Among all of that beauty, I did notice something unusual. There were a disproportionate amount of Dairy Queens, vineyards. and deer processing shops. The Dairy Queens and vineyards I can understand. However, I thought the deer processing shops unusual until I found out why they are so numerous. In this region, there are numerous "sport" game "ranches" that have deer and other animals on estates that are fenced in. As I am told, the game is raised on the ranches and the game is confined to the ranch. The ranches are commercial enterprises that charge a fee for people to "hunt" this game. I remember seeing on the internet where there was one place that offered their internet clients a chance to shoot a deer virtually. Not virtually shooting the deer but shooting the deer virtually meaning the deer dies but the client kills it remotely. I find no sport in that.

I noticed something earlier in the day that made me go hmm. I saw a couple women with shorty shorts and cowboy boots at the different Loveboat dockings. Today's high was about 45 degrees F and shorts were a little unusual but shorty shorts with boots seemed a little odd. I guess it takes all kinds though. Maybe they have shorty short ranches here someplace and those women got out. It would not surprise me at all.

I like Austin. The people that I have met and came in contact with are nice and do totally random kind things like opening doors for strangers and are tolerant of lost people in traffic-- for the most part. Not to mention that I have always been a fan of the show Austin City Limits. Austin is a fairly large city but with a Southern flair. But don't listen to me, because I am biased. Folks here know how to return shopping carts to the shopping cart corrals too which helps prove my case. I'll shut up on the shopping cart thing in a few days like I did about chakras, hippies, vortexes (ggrrrr), dry washes, and other stuff.

Deb left this morning to return to Raleigh. Walter flies in tonight to replace her as navigator. I saw pig heads in HEB supermarket last night. It could be a double header Walter. We have about a week to go until we return to Raleigh.

Hogs and kittens,
Al

Jan 02, 2010 Fort Stockton, TX

Howdy partners from Fort Stockton, TX. This place was established in 1858 as an army fort to whoop up on the Indians. Three years later, thanks to the Civil War (or as we Southerners call it The War of Northern Aggression), the Texans started whooping up on the yankees. So, the yankees abandoned ship and in 1867 the yankees came back to whoop up on the Indians again. Twenty years later the Indians got tired of being whooped up on, and quit whooping up on the yankees. So the yankees had nothing to whoop up on, and they left to find somebody else to whoop up on. Then the Indians got casinos and started whooping up on all of us. That concludes our history lesson of Fort Stockton.

Before we left Los Cruces we had to go to "The Walmart". Deb said that I should get one of those pig heads and put it in our freezer to throw in bed with Walter next week. Maybe I got one and maybe I didn't get one. Walter will find out next week. While I was at "The Walmart" I noticed that the parking lot was full of shopping carts placed in parking spaces and not in the cart corral. I've noticed this behavior in several cities out west. This is not the case in most southern towns. Some moron pushed that cart all around the store then out to the parking lot but couldn't push it to the cart corral. There is something fundamentally wrong with a person like that. I guess they are concerned that their pig head will dethaw or something.

The drive today was really boring. Boring is not a good word to describe today. Today would have come and gone with little fanfare had we not stopped for lunch at Chuy's Mexican Restaurant in Van Horn, TX. This was a little roadside restaurant that had survived 50 years god only knows how. The lobby had photos of several famous people of which John Wayne was one that had visited Chuy's Restaurant. This place's claim to fame is that it is the All Madden Museum or rather a museum to John Madden. Yeah I said John Madden. It seems John Madden likes this yucky place. Well la de da. This place sucked. The food sucked. The bathrooms were dirty and sucked. This place sucked Madden style. What Einstein had the idea to have a museum to a moron like John Madden? Couldn't they pick a normal person like Pee Wee Herman, Rip Torn, or Phyllis Diller? But John Madden? My big ole hairy butt.

Monty is having trouble with the roads in Texas. Interstate 10 has reflectors glued to the outside lines and to the center line. So when you deviate a little off the road---brrrrap. When changing lanes, brrraaap. Monty does not like brraapps. After the fireworks last night and brrappping all day today he is a nervous wreck. Well he has to get over it. We are in Texas for at least two more driving days. He might need therapy when we get home. Poor puppy.

Deb flies out of Austin on Tuesday and Walter flies in on Tuesday. A pressing question is, did I buy a pig head for Walter to sleep with? We shall see next week Walter.

Bye for now pardners.

Various pictures from the last week

Some windmills during our windmill fleecing tour. This photo cost me $200. Enjoy. You can click on the photos to enlarge them.












Riley not happy for some reason.













Salvation Mountain in Slab City















Gentleman responsible for Salvation Mountain













Beautiful lakefront (Salton Sea) Slab City dwelling

Jan 01, 2010 Los Cruces, NM

Holy mother. Today was full of stuff beyond belief. I will try to report the day objectively but there is only so much a Southern gentleman can take.

As I write this some jerk is shooting off fireworks. Monty and Riley don't care for fireworks and make our lives miserable during the festivities. Doggie tranquilizers are in order. Maybe I will take one too.

We are in the fanciest park that I can remember. It is Hacienda RV Resort and it is amazing. There is a mix of modest to ultra wealthy RVs in here. We are in the motorhome section. What is amazingly different is that behind us is the most expensive motorhome that I have have ever seen. It likely cost $1.5M to $2M dollars. Beside it are several $750K to $1M motorhomes. After we got here, Deb took Monty and Riley out on their leashes and waited for me while I connected up the utilities. The folks in the $1.5M+ motorhome came out and had a fit over the puppies. In Southernese, fit is mostly a good thing. In this case it was a good thing. They (fancy RV people) wanted to know all about the puppies and Deb obliged them. They were nice people from Oklahoma. We talked dogs, motorcoaches, traveling, and heart bypasses within 15 minutes. I kid you not.

We were in a Flying J today taking on fuel (we have already had this talk about cars getting gas and RVs taking on fuel). The Flying J Truck Stops all have a special, side lane for RVs. Now I will stop and give you some needed information. Our humble motorhome is 33 feet long. Behind The Love Boat is The Crapper,tow bars, and bike racks which total 20 feet. So the total length of The Love Boat and Crapper is 53 feet. Towing a car means you can only go forward due to the way the towed vehicle tracks the motorhome during a turn. This point is important. Backing up is a major, major, major problem with a car towed behind. A few feet is fine 20 feet is a major problem that requires removing the tow bars and driving the car away and reattaching the tow bars. This operation takes about 20 minutes and is not fun when unexpected. Are you still with me? Good, because here comes the point of this rambling paragraph. Remember backing up is a problem. Ok. We pulled into the Flying J and got into the RV lane behind another motorhome who was taking on fuel when a Quartzsite bound "motorhome" decided to come into the lane from the wrong direction. He had some stupid excuse that I won't bore you with but beyond all else he was coming in from the wrong direction towing a "car" too. The car was almost as old as me, but we will leave it at that. I pulled up to the pumps and the Jethro Bodine motorhome hurriedly pulled head to head with The Love Boat. I knew we had a problem but refused to do anything thinking this inbred person would back his contraption out and go about pestering some other person. Only he didn't.

I took on fuel which took about ten minutes then stopped to talk to the gentleman in the motorhome beside me to whom I had followed for the last 200 miles. No I'm not a stalker-good Lord. The other motorhome and myself shared a problem stretch of road with like kind vehicles. It is a motorhome thing. Let's leave it at that. Anyway, while I was talking to the gentleman, InbredBoy's wife came from behind The Love Boat and whined "Sir would you move so we can move in". I ignored the first 100 times she said it, then I told her that she should waddle back and tell InbredBoy to move because I couldn't and wouldn't back up. InbredBoy gets out of his InbredMobile and says that I can get around him. That is when I called upon my humble religious training to give me guidance. I asked myself what would Jesus do.

I imagined Jesus looking at InbredBoy and saying, "Yo, verily. I have traveled from afar and have forgiven many, many travelers already this day. I am weary. But if you do not move this mound of camel droppings from my way, I will take the jawbone of the ass you call a wife and go Moneychangers on you. You heard about me and the Moneychangers? Of course you did. Now back yourself up before you become a new verse in The Bible. Oh, and I forgive you too." The answer was clear. But before I could cast out my wishes, InbredBoy magically backed the InbredMobile up just enough to maybe allow me out. I'm a reasonable man, so I sent Deb out to make sure The Crapper didn't hit the pump, and she obviously didn't ask what would Jesus do because she and InbreadBoy and JawboneAss woman had words. I forgave all of them.

We went into Walmart tonight. You can see the store from our campsite. We needed groceries and Deb showed me something that was had to believe. It was a large chest style refrigerator with a sign on top that simply said 39 cents per pound. I looked inside and guess what I saw? No, it was not InbredBoy handcuffed and hogtied. You've been watching the Dexter series too much. It was a chest full of plastic wrapped, pig heads. There was a couple dozen laying in this freezer. I got Deb to photograph it and she said some guy told her how to cook them. It seems they boil them and put them on tamales. Yum yum. Deb said a couple store employees said they had never seen pig heads there before. Has our economy degraded our lifestyles to the point that we need to boil pig heads or is this a Mexican delicacy that I have never heard of? You could buy an entire pig head for $5. Deb asked the puppies if they wanted their own pig heads. I can see Monty and Riley running around with those pig heads on their heads peeing on stuff. That would be puppy trick or treat I guess. The folks in the fancy motorhomes would hide their dogs and shut their motor driven shades. Good times.

Happy New Year Yall.