Alrighty then. It has been a while since I updated the blog. I am truly sorry that I forgot.
Now that I have groveled enough, I was asked to talk about the state fair. Oh goody, I could write a book on that subject. Deb wanted to go to the fair and as always we had to go on the night they let you in "free" if you bring four cans of food which is a great concept except we forgot to bring any cans of food. Now the ticket booths and entry points are always a treat for me. I view the admissions area as a funneling of foaming mouthed sheeple. Sheeple are people (humans I guess) that herd and act like sheep. Sheep will follow each other off the side of a cliff or so I am told. No, The Puppies do not have any sheep as pets, and my knowledge of sheep is limited to Hollywood like the rest of you. Anyway, the sheeple rush through the gates like it is feeding time and the farmers are dumping out the feed. Giant turkey legs and deep fried Oreos await. I guess in a metaphoric sense they are.
I adhere to a long standing tradition of trying to support the local businesses that operate at the fair. The money stays local and the carnies get money to not fix their teeth from someone else. If you listen to the idiot box (television), you think people loose their blooming onion minds when the fair is in town. Why would any sane person eat deep fried Oreos or for heavens sake, a Krispy Kreme hamburger? Clearly the answer is, they are victims of the herd mentality of sheeple (notice that is not capitalized on purpose because they don't deserve capitalization). Idiots.
So, we walked around the fair and we had dinner at Neomonde's stand. The cost was the same at Neomonde's market and none of it was deep fried. Was there a line at Neomonde's booth? Nope, but the line at the giant turkey legs was long. I can just see Peter Gros from Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom sneeking up on the Turkey Leg Idiots and whispering to the camera while pointing at the sheeple. "I have to stay back or the sheeple will trample me during their feeding frenzy. But I really would like to film the giant turkey legs, so I'm going to send in Jim". So, Jim Fowler would walk up to the booth and grab one of the huge turkey legs and swing it like a club to get away. I read on some local news website that the giant turkey legs come from turkeys that are fed a special meal to make them so huge. I wonder if they feed the giant turkeys giant turkey legs to make them that big. I really do have an enquiring mind.
After we had dinner standing up and getting it on my clothes, we decided to walk through the livestock area. Oh goody, I had swarma stains on my shirt now I was going to have sheep poo on my shoes, and I eventually fulfilled that prophecy. Deb wanted to see the sheep, so all I had to do was turn my head until I smelled them and away we went. We walked around the sheep and several of them looked like Monty and Riley when they were young. Next, we headed toward the cattle exhibit. Now why does a sane person walk around a cattle exhibit? Answer, because his wife wants to walk around the cattle exhibit. So,we did. This exhibit was somewhat crowded and we walked through the main aisle until this woman jumped up in my face holding out her arms. I reached back to grab my switchblade when I realized I didn't own a switchblade, so I had to be tolerant of her. This woman said and I kid you not, "Watch out. Cow coming through" just as a cow was being led through the crowd. It kind of reminded me of the guys that wave the flags that precede the forklift at Lowe's. We jumped off to the side not wanting to be trampled in a cow stampede as Bessy The Cow sauntered by on her way back to her pen. This was clearly a case of sheeple leading the cow. I am sure there is a joke in there somewhere which I will reserve for a later date.
We left there and went to the building where the state agencies had their displays. Don't ask me why state agencies need to advertise but they did. We were walking past the highway patrol exhibit when Deb saw this decal of a highway patrol badge. Deb grabbed one and put it on her shirt, and the rest of the night she kept trying to handcuff and taser me. Well, I care as much for being tasered as I do eating giant turkey legs. Deb was determined that I was going to have fun regardless. Some people lets authority go to their head. It ain't going to happen and it didn't.
I forgot to talk about the carnies. It is always fun to walk past the rides and see the person that is operating the rides. It amazes me that people with children will pay money to put Buffy and Jody onto a ride controlled by a person they tell their kids to stay away from. Evidently part of the fun is having a drunk meth head at the helm which heightens one's pleasure of being whirled around at vomit inducing speeds. Buffy and Jody do love the Jim Beam Crack-O-Whirl and the fair only comes around once a year. The only thing Buffy and Jody would like better would be the NASCAR Jim Beam Crack-O-Whirl. I wouldn't let these carnies operate a shovel much less let them put me on The Mechanical Spiral of Death. It ain't going to happen and it didn't.
To finish off our evening of pure glee, we stopped by the booth where the dairy department of NCSU sells ice cream. The ice cream is great but the line was 30 minutes long. Of course, we had to have ice cream. So, we did. I then added an ice cream stain to the swarma stain on my shirt which accompanied the cow, sheep, and turkey poo on my shoes. Boy, did I ever have fun.
Christmas is approaching and our Christmas display will be magnificent this year. Email me for a link to my Christmas display website.
Bye for now,
Al
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Kmart, Christmas Lighting Crazies,YMSU Campground
Well hi de ho Kmart shoppers. That's a phrase that I'll bet you haven't heard in a while or ever before for that matter. As part of my life experiences, I have shopped in Kmart. I didn't like it but I did. Now I know what you are thinking, yes I wore a disguise. I would equate shopping in Kmart about the same experience as when I was a kid and having a bully sit on me and fart on my head. But what do I know? In a time long ago, a long time before The Love Boat, Deb and I were traveling to go "camping" in West By God Virginia. We were on the interstate in the mountains on Saturday afternoon and the brakes on the car were making ugly sounds and needed automotive stimulus. In West By God Virginia, Walmart is associated with Nordstrums and Kmart is a Friday night outing. We were in the middle of Hooterville and the thought of spending Saturday and Sunday night waiting on Bubba to open Bubba's Auto Garage, Food and Ammo Store on Monday to fix our car was not really palatable. So we put on our fake nose and glasses mask and had the friendly folks at Kmart fix our mighty purty Jeep Cherokee. A few hundred dollars later we were on our way and Kmart was ancient history. The next time I went into Kmart was years later hunting for cut rate Christmas lights. Now, I am not proud and will stand on the side of the road and beg for Christmas lights if I had to, so Kmart was not all that bad that day. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this as it sort of popped into my Republican brain when I sat down to update the blog. Regardless, hi de ho Kmart shoppers just came to mind.
A week or so ago, Deb and I went to a Charlotte, NC for an animated Christmas lighting convention. We have been going each year for a few years and love it or at least I do. Deb wouldn't tell me if she didn't. So, we went and had fun. The usual group of crazies were there and provided the entertainment for us all. This particular all day meeting was about the upcoming technological changes to our hobby. You naysayers just laughed but the lighting crazies that read this blog are nodding that the changes afoot will dramatically change our hobby. If you make it to my display this year, you will get to see some of the changes, but you likely will not know it. The lighting that you may have seen in Hong Kong on the buildings is finally trickling down to us residential, animated lighting folks. Soon a single bulb will be computer controllable and I will finally achieve Hong Kong lighting status in my yard. Yeah baby. Those of you that have been to our display will know that it isn't just a bunch of Christmas lights and drop cords. The display is actually very complicated and requires an immense amount of engineering and planning. I heard those snickers, if you want me to wipe that smile off your face and turn you into one of my roadies you just say the word. Now to make you snicker again, I will have almost 100K lights this year, more than four miles of wire (actually I think that is a little conservative and it is multistranded wire), some very sophisticated electronics that I made and lots that I didn't. There are close to 40 embedded microprocessors, and an industrial communication protocol. Are you still snickering Smartbutt? I'll bet not. My engineer friends get a huge kick out the engineering that goes into this display. This is my hobby, and I work on it in some capacity every single day. I plan at least 1 1/2 years out to which I am now doing advanced planning for the 2011 display. I have to as it is extremely complicated. Some of you just laughed (I heard you don't deny it) when I mentioned that I listen to Christmas music almost every day. I've already picked part of the music for the 2011 display. I listened to a hundred renditions of Jingle Bells before I ever decided to implement the song into my display and it is amazing. I pick artists that I like and enjoy them for what they are--artists. The musicians that read this blog know that an artist can take a song as simple as Jingle Bells and turn it into an amazing piece of music. Somebody once said what separates a hobby from obsession was a very thin line. I don't have time for an obsession as my hobby keeps me too busy. Dang, I forgot to tell you about the campground were we stayed in Charlotte.
This campground was what I call a YMSU or a Yankee Money Separation Unit. You know what I'm talking about. It is a facade business that caters to Yankees with outrageous things and separates our northern friends from larger than normal portions of their money. This campground, a YMSU extraordinaire, was on Lake Norman and charged $40 to $80 per night for the smallest campsites in existence. Out front it had a security gate ten feet high with wrought iron fencing leading up to the road. What most people don't know is that this particular fence is only in the front and not on the rest of the property. The thugs simply park next to the road and walk the 200 feet into the campground. Now Yankees love them some gates. You can always tell where a Yankee has a vacation house in the south by the gate on the driveway leading up to the house. Most don't have fences around the property just driveway gates. As with most of the gates, you could drive around the gate but I guess the bad people would never figure that out. Down here a gate just tells us that a Yankee owns that house, so we don't throw our Sundrop bottles and Moonpie wrappers into a Southerner's yard. You betcha. Anyway, you guys got me side tracked again. This campsite was only two feet longer than our small motorhome. This had to be the shortest and steepest campsite that we have ever "camped" in. The campground was built entirely into the hill leading down into the lake. I had to back The Love Boat at an angle to keep from striking the beautiful brick wall ten feet behind out campsite. I believe that I used the term moron to describe the person that built that campground or RV resort as they wanted to be called. By big ole hairy butt. It was a YMSU that I didn't recognize as an YMSU. I guess I was listening to Christmas music that day and missed something.
I was told by someone my blog is wordy. Tough.
Al
A week or so ago, Deb and I went to a Charlotte, NC for an animated Christmas lighting convention. We have been going each year for a few years and love it or at least I do. Deb wouldn't tell me if she didn't. So, we went and had fun. The usual group of crazies were there and provided the entertainment for us all. This particular all day meeting was about the upcoming technological changes to our hobby. You naysayers just laughed but the lighting crazies that read this blog are nodding that the changes afoot will dramatically change our hobby. If you make it to my display this year, you will get to see some of the changes, but you likely will not know it. The lighting that you may have seen in Hong Kong on the buildings is finally trickling down to us residential, animated lighting folks. Soon a single bulb will be computer controllable and I will finally achieve Hong Kong lighting status in my yard. Yeah baby. Those of you that have been to our display will know that it isn't just a bunch of Christmas lights and drop cords. The display is actually very complicated and requires an immense amount of engineering and planning. I heard those snickers, if you want me to wipe that smile off your face and turn you into one of my roadies you just say the word. Now to make you snicker again, I will have almost 100K lights this year, more than four miles of wire (actually I think that is a little conservative and it is multistranded wire), some very sophisticated electronics that I made and lots that I didn't. There are close to 40 embedded microprocessors, and an industrial communication protocol. Are you still snickering Smartbutt? I'll bet not. My engineer friends get a huge kick out the engineering that goes into this display. This is my hobby, and I work on it in some capacity every single day. I plan at least 1 1/2 years out to which I am now doing advanced planning for the 2011 display. I have to as it is extremely complicated. Some of you just laughed (I heard you don't deny it) when I mentioned that I listen to Christmas music almost every day. I've already picked part of the music for the 2011 display. I listened to a hundred renditions of Jingle Bells before I ever decided to implement the song into my display and it is amazing. I pick artists that I like and enjoy them for what they are--artists. The musicians that read this blog know that an artist can take a song as simple as Jingle Bells and turn it into an amazing piece of music. Somebody once said what separates a hobby from obsession was a very thin line. I don't have time for an obsession as my hobby keeps me too busy. Dang, I forgot to tell you about the campground were we stayed in Charlotte.
This campground was what I call a YMSU or a Yankee Money Separation Unit. You know what I'm talking about. It is a facade business that caters to Yankees with outrageous things and separates our northern friends from larger than normal portions of their money. This campground, a YMSU extraordinaire, was on Lake Norman and charged $40 to $80 per night for the smallest campsites in existence. Out front it had a security gate ten feet high with wrought iron fencing leading up to the road. What most people don't know is that this particular fence is only in the front and not on the rest of the property. The thugs simply park next to the road and walk the 200 feet into the campground. Now Yankees love them some gates. You can always tell where a Yankee has a vacation house in the south by the gate on the driveway leading up to the house. Most don't have fences around the property just driveway gates. As with most of the gates, you could drive around the gate but I guess the bad people would never figure that out. Down here a gate just tells us that a Yankee owns that house, so we don't throw our Sundrop bottles and Moonpie wrappers into a Southerner's yard. You betcha. Anyway, you guys got me side tracked again. This campsite was only two feet longer than our small motorhome. This had to be the shortest and steepest campsite that we have ever "camped" in. The campground was built entirely into the hill leading down into the lake. I had to back The Love Boat at an angle to keep from striking the beautiful brick wall ten feet behind out campsite. I believe that I used the term moron to describe the person that built that campground or RV resort as they wanted to be called. By big ole hairy butt. It was a YMSU that I didn't recognize as an YMSU. I guess I was listening to Christmas music that day and missed something.
I was told by someone my blog is wordy. Tough.
Al
Friday, August 20, 2010
Army Buddy, Diner, Short Pants.
Keep reading and I will explain this photo.
A couple days ago I got a phone call from an old army buddy. I believe that I've talked about him, but really all you should know is that he drives a tractor trailer truck. He travels all over the US, and we arrange to meet to see each other whenever we are going to be within 100 miles of each other. When he called he said he was going to be in Greensboro, NC to deliver a load and would be there about midday, I agreed to meet him. Raleigh and Greensboro are about 90 minutes apart which is about as far as I would drive to have lunch with him. Now Army Buddy has a remarkable memory for details--truly remarkable. He had delivered to the Greensboro area before and remembered a diner that was on HWY 29 just north of Greensboro. This particular diner had truck parking and seemed to be a good place to meet. This diner was not a place that I would normally frequent as it looked "rough" from the outside and was about the same inside. The front of the place was lined in neon and the neon was making a crackling sound like you hear in horror movies. I kid you not. Because this diner was quite small, when Army buddy and I walked in together everybody looked up at us. From the squinting of their Caterpillar ballcap covered eyes, I immediately got the feeling that the boys didn't like College Boy (me) accompanying Army Buddy into their Bubba Bistro. It sure didn't help when I smiled and showed them I had all of my teeth, but I can handle my myself. After the awkwardness subsided, a waitress told us in Greensboronese to have a seat anywhere we wanted. I wanted to avoid the whole matter and go sit in the next county but Army Buddy got a booth and the boys went back to chewing on toothpicks and sucking food through their tooth. Like old friends will do, Army Buddy started telling me about something that happened to him on the way to Bubba Bistro when the other waitress walked up and asked if we were ready to order. I looked up at the waitress and swore the girl was a vampire. Her skin was washed out and pale as Martha Stewart's face at the moment the judge sentenced her to jail. This girl's lips were gray. I surmised she was either a vampire or anemic. It was daylight outside, so I halfheartedly decided she was anemic. So, Anemic Waitress asked again if we were ready to order. By now I was almost in sensory overload to the point I was having trouble making words, but I had enough resolve to ask her to bring me some water--tap water that is not holy water. Army Buddy did the same and Anemic Waitress scurried off to the room behind the cash register. Then Army Buddy and I decided what we wanted from the menu which was laminated and covered in Magic Marker scribblings updating the prices on the stuff. We chit chatted a couple minutes and Anemic Waitress returned and again asked us to order. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and Army Buddy ordered a barbecue plate. When she left we went back to chit chatting. About ten minutes later Anemic Waitress brought over the food and placed it in front of us. Army Buddy then asked her where the bread was for his barbecue plate because in Kansas they always get bread with the barbecue plate. Well Anemic Waitress wasted no time assuming the "I don't get paid enough for this crap and you've got to be kidding me" pose that nineteen year old females so commonly exhibit. Army Buddy kept insisting and I gave him the "I'd fight Al-Qaeda beside you but I don't fight vampires and you're on your own" look. I got up and went to the men's room. That is when I saw the sign you just saw above. I've been in men's rooms before, lots of them, and I have never needed a sign to inform me not to urinate on the floor. I figure that is one of those things that goes without saying. However, the other clientele must have needed some coaching and for the most part they adhered to the management's wishes. But having read the sign a little late, I was careful not to soil my College Boy shoes from the existing inventory on the floor, and decided I needed to rejoin Army Buddy before Anemic Waitress came and took out her bread frustrations on the College Boy that didn't read the sign not to pee on the floor. I was guilty by association. I stealthy walked back to the table and Army Buddy had his bread sitting in front of him and was happy. The neighboring boys didn't pay me much attention because they were too busy snickering about the College Boy returning with pee on his fancy shoes. Amazingly, the rest of the time we were there everything else was uneventful. Army Buddy and I caught up on stuff, and we left and I drove back to Raleigh. The last part almost made up for the first part.
Deb bought me a couple pairs of shorts (short pants) from a mail order company. They arrived a few days ago, and I decided to wear a pair of them to see Army Buddy. I pulled off all the labels and got dressed. I was putting my wallet into the right rear pocket when I noticed that only the left pocket was real. The right pocket had a flap and Velcro but was only two inches deep. Now what moron designed a pair of shorts with a two inch deep pocket? I'll bet he was a college boy and didn't go into diners, because if he did he'd get beat up by the boys for making pants that their tin of Skoal snuff didn't fit in. I felt cheated. Where is my other pocket? Maybe I'll get me a short wallet and cut all of my credit cards and stuff in half, and then I would have something to put in my two inch deep pocket. The pocket had a flap and Velcro on it in case you missed it the first time I said it. Is this some kind of a fashion joke or something? Maybe that was what the boys in the restaurant were looking at, College Boy with the short pocket is going to get pee all over his shoes. It ain't funny, and I ain't laughing.
Geez Yall,
Al
MontyAndRiley@gmail.com
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Pickles, Loss of shoes, Blow molds
In case you were wondering why I haven't updated the blog in several days, I've been busy, sick, or both. I've been in a pickle. Pickle is a word that isn't used much anymore but has been used in my presence by others several times in the last week. That's right, I've been in a pickle. Between work beating me and a summer cold sniffling me, I've been in a pickle. I'm back and vow to quit brining. Enough said.
So, Walter told me that he got into a pickle. No, I am not obsessive compulsive. As Groucho Marx was heard to say on the TV program You Bet Your Life, pickle is The Word of the Day. Pickle, pickle, pickle. Anyway, Walter got himself in a pickle with his neighbor. Evidently Walter had waited a little too long to mow his grass and decided to cut it at a taller height to keep from scalping and possibly killing the grass. He set the mower to the top notch of the mower and cut the yard. What you don't know is that Walter has a neighbor that is obsessive compulsive and does often get himself into a pickle (ding,ding,ding the secret word)telling his neighbors how to keep their yards. Walter's neighbor has made mention to Walter and his aunt on occasions about the condition of their yard in the past. Shortly after Walter cut his grass, the neighbor made mention to Walter's aunt that he thought,to which I shall paraphrase, the grass was too high and should be cut shorter. I'm not exactly sure what Walter's aunt told him but as soon as Walter told me of the conversation with the esteemed gentleman, I knew how I would have handled it had I been in her shoes. With age come tact and diplomacy. I would have told him to wait where he stood, and I would have walked inside and asked Deb to take him a greeting card, from that huge box of greeting cards that sits next to the front door, and give him one. On the card it says, "I would like to apologize for the upcoming actions of my husband and would like to offer you a jar of lubricant as a token of our good faith. My husband has gone to change shoes and will return shortly to put his foot up your butt and would you please use the lubricant as he has lost so many pairs of shoes edificating stupid people like yourself. I'm sure you understand as it can be quite expensive.Thank you for your cooperation." Then I would have gone outside and fulfilled the card's prophecy. Deb sometimes forgets to give out the lubrication, and I wind up having to hop around the yard on one foot until I can dislodge my work boot, but I forgive her and understand. When I was younger, I bought a huge box of those greeting cards but as time as told, I really didn't need them as so many people simply looked at me and understood my feelings in the matter in advance and decided not to utter stupidity in my presence. I am a lucky man. However, Walter's aunt has not been as lucky. So, I plan to take some of my custom greeting cards with the words "my husband" scratched through and the words "Al" written above, so Walter's aunt can use them too. Why should Deb be the only person to benefit from the greeting cards? Deb had some greeting cards made up too. They say "Tell me you didn't say that about The Puppies?." If you noticed the card said puppies and not husband you are a careful reader. She is like a mama bear when it comes to The Puppies. I could just see Walter's neighbors saying something about The Puppies and Deb stomping out with a rolled up greeting card to smack him on the nose. Now that is a vivid image huh. He would definitely be in a pickle (ding, ding, ding).
Last weekend, Deb and myself drove about ninety minutes to Randleman, NC to pick up some plastic reindeer for our Christmas display. You likely have seen these reindeer as they are plastic, light up, are about three feet high, and sit in front of Santa on a sleigh. Plastic decorations of that type are called blow molds. I know several people that collect them. Blow molds are not something that we collect or generally desire, but Deb likes that stupid Santa and the kids do too. It didn't seem right with Santa only having three reindeer, so we now own a full complement of Santa's reindeer. Believe it or not we could not think of the names of the reindeer. Bahh humbug. But what I wanted to talk about was where we got the reindeer which are exact matches for the three that we already have. I got an email from a friend in Charlotte that collects blow molds that some guy had a huge collection of blow molds for sale on Craigslist. It took some painful planning but my friend managed to align several people from North and South Carolina to go together to buy this guy's blow molds as this guy would only sell the entire collection and not piece mill. Last Saturday we drove to this guy's house and spent ninety minutes gathering 100 blow molds from various locations on this guy's property. It was a million degrees in the shade, and I knew one of us was going to get snake bit from the looks of his overgrown property, but we didn't. While gathering all of the blow molds, we lined them up in the yard for identification purposes. You have never seen such a sight in your life. I turned to another friend of mine and commented on how does one person collect 100 blow molds. My friend calmly informed me that he had at least twice as many. My jaw dropped and I quickly picked it up to keep a snake from crawling inside. I was dumbfounded. In the car going to Randleman,I was griping about having to store Santa and his plastic, midget reindeer. I couldn't imagine storing 200 blow molds. Well I am here to tell you that it ain't going to happen to Casa Al and Deb (and Puppies). It would amaze you how much space is already used to store lights and props. I am not in a storage pickle (ding, ding, ding) yet. The new reindeer are cute though.
Aloha Yall,
Al
MontyAndRiley@gmail.com
So, Walter told me that he got into a pickle. No, I am not obsessive compulsive. As Groucho Marx was heard to say on the TV program You Bet Your Life, pickle is The Word of the Day. Pickle, pickle, pickle. Anyway, Walter got himself in a pickle with his neighbor. Evidently Walter had waited a little too long to mow his grass and decided to cut it at a taller height to keep from scalping and possibly killing the grass. He set the mower to the top notch of the mower and cut the yard. What you don't know is that Walter has a neighbor that is obsessive compulsive and does often get himself into a pickle (ding,ding,ding the secret word)telling his neighbors how to keep their yards. Walter's neighbor has made mention to Walter and his aunt on occasions about the condition of their yard in the past. Shortly after Walter cut his grass, the neighbor made mention to Walter's aunt that he thought,to which I shall paraphrase, the grass was too high and should be cut shorter. I'm not exactly sure what Walter's aunt told him but as soon as Walter told me of the conversation with the esteemed gentleman, I knew how I would have handled it had I been in her shoes. With age come tact and diplomacy. I would have told him to wait where he stood, and I would have walked inside and asked Deb to take him a greeting card, from that huge box of greeting cards that sits next to the front door, and give him one. On the card it says, "I would like to apologize for the upcoming actions of my husband and would like to offer you a jar of lubricant as a token of our good faith. My husband has gone to change shoes and will return shortly to put his foot up your butt and would you please use the lubricant as he has lost so many pairs of shoes edificating stupid people like yourself. I'm sure you understand as it can be quite expensive.Thank you for your cooperation." Then I would have gone outside and fulfilled the card's prophecy. Deb sometimes forgets to give out the lubrication, and I wind up having to hop around the yard on one foot until I can dislodge my work boot, but I forgive her and understand. When I was younger, I bought a huge box of those greeting cards but as time as told, I really didn't need them as so many people simply looked at me and understood my feelings in the matter in advance and decided not to utter stupidity in my presence. I am a lucky man. However, Walter's aunt has not been as lucky. So, I plan to take some of my custom greeting cards with the words "my husband" scratched through and the words "Al" written above, so Walter's aunt can use them too. Why should Deb be the only person to benefit from the greeting cards? Deb had some greeting cards made up too. They say "Tell me you didn't say that about The Puppies?." If you noticed the card said puppies and not husband you are a careful reader. She is like a mama bear when it comes to The Puppies. I could just see Walter's neighbors saying something about The Puppies and Deb stomping out with a rolled up greeting card to smack him on the nose. Now that is a vivid image huh. He would definitely be in a pickle (ding, ding, ding).
Last weekend, Deb and myself drove about ninety minutes to Randleman, NC to pick up some plastic reindeer for our Christmas display. You likely have seen these reindeer as they are plastic, light up, are about three feet high, and sit in front of Santa on a sleigh. Plastic decorations of that type are called blow molds. I know several people that collect them. Blow molds are not something that we collect or generally desire, but Deb likes that stupid Santa and the kids do too. It didn't seem right with Santa only having three reindeer, so we now own a full complement of Santa's reindeer. Believe it or not we could not think of the names of the reindeer. Bahh humbug. But what I wanted to talk about was where we got the reindeer which are exact matches for the three that we already have. I got an email from a friend in Charlotte that collects blow molds that some guy had a huge collection of blow molds for sale on Craigslist. It took some painful planning but my friend managed to align several people from North and South Carolina to go together to buy this guy's blow molds as this guy would only sell the entire collection and not piece mill. Last Saturday we drove to this guy's house and spent ninety minutes gathering 100 blow molds from various locations on this guy's property. It was a million degrees in the shade, and I knew one of us was going to get snake bit from the looks of his overgrown property, but we didn't. While gathering all of the blow molds, we lined them up in the yard for identification purposes. You have never seen such a sight in your life. I turned to another friend of mine and commented on how does one person collect 100 blow molds. My friend calmly informed me that he had at least twice as many. My jaw dropped and I quickly picked it up to keep a snake from crawling inside. I was dumbfounded. In the car going to Randleman,I was griping about having to store Santa and his plastic, midget reindeer. I couldn't imagine storing 200 blow molds. Well I am here to tell you that it ain't going to happen to Casa Al and Deb (and Puppies). It would amaze you how much space is already used to store lights and props. I am not in a storage pickle (ding, ding, ding) yet. The new reindeer are cute though.
Aloha Yall,
Al
MontyAndRiley@gmail.com
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Ugly Mood, Mrs. Mystery Friend,
I've been cranky the last few days and dismiss it as summer allergies. I've not been as foul as Nancy Pelosi's face but ranking along those lines. Boy it didn't take long for me to get in a democrat joke today. The Canadians are asking who Nancy Perlosi is about now. Nancy Pelosi is The Wicked Witch of the House (of Representatives. Anyway, I caught myself sharpening my talons on my desk and decided I needed to bite some nail heads off or kick some puppies or something. This too shall pass as it always does and always will regardless if I like it or not. Which brings me to the next topic.
I had lunch with an old friend today. I have known Mystery Friend for about 25+ years. I met Mystery Friend about four years after I was discharged from the army. Which means Old Army Buddy (who gave me the Circus Peanut referral) predates Mystery Friend by five years. Why and I telling you that? I have no idea but my gray hair covered mind seemed to want to tell you. Mystery Friend got married (again) late last year. Mrs. Mystery Friend is still a mystery to me as every time I've gone to Mystery Friend's house she had just left. I mentioned that fact to Mystery Friend today, and he said he would work on letting me meet her. Well Mystery Friend is a newly wed, and his bride is going through menopause and is having some trouble as part of the transition. It seems Mrs. Mystery Friend is sharpening her talons on hubby somewhat regularly due to menopausal changes. Hummmm. Let's see. The Mystery Friends have been married about eight months and making hubby's life as fun as a Muslim at a pig picking (pig picking is Southernese for luau). Guys like to tease guys in that situation, but I refrained from doing so today because of my ill mood. Guys teasing each other about our wives is kind of like giving wedgies but more refined. I'm sure you understand.
I was getting dressed today watching the news when that idiotic lawyer commercial aired again, but the idiot lawyers (now that is redundant) had changed the content. The commercial no longer wanted people who had died from the use of this drug to call in and become part of their class action suit. Instead, the lawyers wanted the loved ones of people who had died to call in and join the lawsuit. Alrighty then, which one of Yall called those lawyers and told them that dead people don't make phone calls? Now I can't make fun of them and that isn't fair. I was just getting warmed up. Whoever did it, I forgive you but don't make a habit out of calling the idiots that I poke fun at. If you do, it will be a fulltime job.
In a couple weeks, Deb and I are attending a convention of Christmas lighting "enthusiasts" near the end of August. This will be year three for us attending. I know about 90% of the people attending as they are mostly from around North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and Tennessee. There has been and will be some characters at the convention. I'm sure that I will have some stories from this year. One of the people that is attending the convention has arranged a tour of one of the NASCAR team shops. I'm not a NASCAR fan but love the engineering and science behind those cars. We are driving The Love Boat to the convention, and we have not moved The Love Boat in weeks as I was thoroughly sick of of it when it got put into storage. The Love Boat sails in two weeks.
Al
I had lunch with an old friend today. I have known Mystery Friend for about 25+ years. I met Mystery Friend about four years after I was discharged from the army. Which means Old Army Buddy (who gave me the Circus Peanut referral) predates Mystery Friend by five years. Why and I telling you that? I have no idea but my gray hair covered mind seemed to want to tell you. Mystery Friend got married (again) late last year. Mrs. Mystery Friend is still a mystery to me as every time I've gone to Mystery Friend's house she had just left. I mentioned that fact to Mystery Friend today, and he said he would work on letting me meet her. Well Mystery Friend is a newly wed, and his bride is going through menopause and is having some trouble as part of the transition. It seems Mrs. Mystery Friend is sharpening her talons on hubby somewhat regularly due to menopausal changes. Hummmm. Let's see. The Mystery Friends have been married about eight months and making hubby's life as fun as a Muslim at a pig picking (pig picking is Southernese for luau). Guys like to tease guys in that situation, but I refrained from doing so today because of my ill mood. Guys teasing each other about our wives is kind of like giving wedgies but more refined. I'm sure you understand.
I was getting dressed today watching the news when that idiotic lawyer commercial aired again, but the idiot lawyers (now that is redundant) had changed the content. The commercial no longer wanted people who had died from the use of this drug to call in and become part of their class action suit. Instead, the lawyers wanted the loved ones of people who had died to call in and join the lawsuit. Alrighty then, which one of Yall called those lawyers and told them that dead people don't make phone calls? Now I can't make fun of them and that isn't fair. I was just getting warmed up. Whoever did it, I forgive you but don't make a habit out of calling the idiots that I poke fun at. If you do, it will be a fulltime job.
In a couple weeks, Deb and I are attending a convention of Christmas lighting "enthusiasts" near the end of August. This will be year three for us attending. I know about 90% of the people attending as they are mostly from around North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and Tennessee. There has been and will be some characters at the convention. I'm sure that I will have some stories from this year. One of the people that is attending the convention has arranged a tour of one of the NASCAR team shops. I'm not a NASCAR fan but love the engineering and science behind those cars. We are driving The Love Boat to the convention, and we have not moved The Love Boat in weeks as I was thoroughly sick of of it when it got put into storage. The Love Boat sails in two weeks.
Al
Monday, August 9, 2010
Circus Peanuts, Lawyer Ad, Camo Plywood
A friend brought his new significant other around this past weekend. We were working in his front yard when we decided we needed something from my house. So, my friend volunteered to drive his car to get the stuff from my house. So, the three of us got into this car. This friend is a reader of this blog and had gotten a bag of Circus Peanuts as a joke (I sure hope that is why the bag was in his car). He reached into the bag and held out a Circus Peanut to me knowing that I would say something ugly to him. Before I had a chance to say something, his new flame grabbed the Circus Peanut and took a bite out of it and said she loved them. I was horrified. I looked around for an airline barf bag but didn't find one. Gross. Now he knows for sure where her mouth has been.
As I often do, yesterday I was watching the CNN news while getting dressed. The news was the same old kind news program where there is ten seconds of news and fifty seconds of people crying. I prefer to listen to BBC because of the crying and mindless drivel. But I was watching CNN and dealing with the situation rather well. CNN is a favorite place for ambulance chasing lawyers to advertise for people to join some class action lawsuit against some worthy product. If you detect a hint of hatred for lawyers, and this were a game show, you would be going home with a brand new Kewpie doll. Geez, I forgot what I was saying. Anyway, I was watching CNN when an advertisement, by a ambulance chaser, came on wanting people to call this toll free number if they had taken this drug and had experienced kidney problems, stroke, or death. That line sort of bounced around in the void between my ears for a few seconds then I paid more attention to the advertisement. Sure enough, the blood suckers wanted people to call them that had experienced kidney problems, stroke, or DEATH. How does a dead person call a toll free number? I listened to the advertisement three times to make sure they wanted dead people to call. I guess dead people can't write down the number so they have to be told the toll free number multiple times. Man, I would love to meet the Einstein that came up with the content for that commercial. You betcha. This topic reminds me of a joke. What do you call 1000 lawyers marching into the ocean? Answer: a good start. I could just see Einstein The Lawyer leading the march too. I can only hope.
Walter and I were in Lowe's Home Improvement (a store like Home Depot for you Canadians) and was waiting in line to get to the register (till) when I noticed something new stacked beside the register. There was a large picture of a kid in a box similar to a tree house but the tree house was actually just a little larger than an eight year old kid. What was strange about the photo was that the treehouse looked a lot like an enclosed deer stand. The new product was a sheet of plywood material with camouflage paint on one side. Now rednecks can build treehouses for Little Johnny out of ready made camouflage material. It will save Bubba hours of hand painting the pattern onto Little Johnny's house. Bubba can spend more of his time doing enjoyable things like shooting all of the deer crossing signs in the state. I can just see Papa Redneck's toothless friends coming over and saying, " Whoo weee. That's a smart looking tree house you got there Little Johnny. We're going to have to get you a beer fridge for that treehouse." I pondered the Redneck plywood for a couple minutes and decided should I buy some it, and laid it in the grass, how would I ever find again? When I'm not pondering democrat jokes things like this occupy my mind.
As I often do, yesterday I was watching the CNN news while getting dressed. The news was the same old kind news program where there is ten seconds of news and fifty seconds of people crying. I prefer to listen to BBC because of the crying and mindless drivel. But I was watching CNN and dealing with the situation rather well. CNN is a favorite place for ambulance chasing lawyers to advertise for people to join some class action lawsuit against some worthy product. If you detect a hint of hatred for lawyers, and this were a game show, you would be going home with a brand new Kewpie doll. Geez, I forgot what I was saying. Anyway, I was watching CNN when an advertisement, by a ambulance chaser, came on wanting people to call this toll free number if they had taken this drug and had experienced kidney problems, stroke, or death. That line sort of bounced around in the void between my ears for a few seconds then I paid more attention to the advertisement. Sure enough, the blood suckers wanted people to call them that had experienced kidney problems, stroke, or DEATH. How does a dead person call a toll free number? I listened to the advertisement three times to make sure they wanted dead people to call. I guess dead people can't write down the number so they have to be told the toll free number multiple times. Man, I would love to meet the Einstein that came up with the content for that commercial. You betcha. This topic reminds me of a joke. What do you call 1000 lawyers marching into the ocean? Answer: a good start. I could just see Einstein The Lawyer leading the march too. I can only hope.
Walter and I were in Lowe's Home Improvement (a store like Home Depot for you Canadians) and was waiting in line to get to the register (till) when I noticed something new stacked beside the register. There was a large picture of a kid in a box similar to a tree house but the tree house was actually just a little larger than an eight year old kid. What was strange about the photo was that the treehouse looked a lot like an enclosed deer stand. The new product was a sheet of plywood material with camouflage paint on one side. Now rednecks can build treehouses for Little Johnny out of ready made camouflage material. It will save Bubba hours of hand painting the pattern onto Little Johnny's house. Bubba can spend more of his time doing enjoyable things like shooting all of the deer crossing signs in the state. I can just see Papa Redneck's toothless friends coming over and saying, " Whoo weee. That's a smart looking tree house you got there Little Johnny. We're going to have to get you a beer fridge for that treehouse." I pondered the Redneck plywood for a couple minutes and decided should I buy some it, and laid it in the grass, how would I ever find again? When I'm not pondering democrat jokes things like this occupy my mind.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Cancer, Aug 4, 2010
Some of the people that read this blog know that I had a doctor diagnose me with skin cancer on my scalp before we left for Canada in June. I have been quite terrified since then but didn't want to let on here. Today I went to a dermatologist that specializes in skin cancer and the like. I was standing in his examination room when he walked in. He looked exactly like I imagined and was the proper age that I thought a doctor should be which is older than me. I prefer doctors with experience over a doctor that recently gave up playing with Tonka trucks. Call me what you want but a doctor with gray hair rules in my book. Anyway, he walked in, shook my hand, and immediately began looking me over beginning with my face and then began walking around me while asking questions and listening. It was really unnerving having someone treat me like men do to women with big boobs. I wanted to tell him that my eyes are up on my face and not on my chest. Men are all the same regardless of their stature in life. Well Dr Dermatologist pulled out a pocket magnifying glass and started looking at the spots on me like I was an amoeba or a woman with small boobs. He then picked through my hair quite carefully and prodded me with more questions then announced something that I wasn't quite ready to hear. What do you think it was? Nope, I don't have cancer. I could have kissed him. It seems that the first doctor misdiagnosed cancer with something similar which I found out is not uncommon. The six weeks between doctors gave my scalp a chance to heal which in itself ruled out skin cancer as skin cancer does not heal by itself. Dr Dermatologist told me that fact and I verified it three times before I left his office. I am a very relieved man. But nothing really has changed since then other than my and Deb's concern. I am still grateful for every single day that I wake as it is a gift. I am grateful most especially for my wife and the people and little furry creatures that share in my day to day life. They are all gifts to which I truly appreciated before I was shaken at my foundation by a wrong diagnosis. My life didn't change today it went back to normal. And my closest family members know that I am truly grateful those idiot democrats are going to be out of control of the country in two years. You didn't see that one coming did you?
I was getting dressed to go see Dr Dermatologist today and the weather radio in our bedroom "went off". Today is Wednesday, and the National Weather Service tests the emergency alert system on Wednesday mornings, so I wasn't really concerned. Usually the test is the same recording of,"...this is a test of the emergency broadcast system and had this been an actual emergency then you would not really care because the democrats have already screwed up everything in our country anyway. Please dive under your bed and hide until the tornado carries your home and ruby red slippers back to Kansas." I believe that is how the announcement goes. BUT, today it was different. The announcer came on and announced it was actually a test and the message was being broadcast to certain counties in our area. At first she announced a list that included our county and the surrounding counties. But the list didn't stop there. She listed the counties down east and counties that I have never heard of anywhere in NC. Good Lord, there are only 100 counties in the state. I stopped what I was doing and my mouth hung open as she kept listing more and more counties. She kept on and on and on listing counties in NC, then she started on counties in Virginia, and that wasn't enough as she started listing "isolated townships" in Virginia. That must be one huge transmitter the National Weather Service owns. If you get too near that antenna, you could cook your Lean Cuisine while listening to the upcoming thunderstorm watch. I am not kidding, I stopped and looked at that stupid weather radio and asked myself what in the world were they thinking? I'll bet The National Weather Service got stimulus money to record that War and Peace length announcement and wanted to justify the money. Well duhhh.
We had the mega super furnace/AC inspected by the building inspectors yesterday. One was a mechanical inspector who came first and the other was the electrical inspector who arrived an hour later. Deb had the puppies locked up in her office for the first inspector's visit but when the second inspector rang the doorbell, the puppies went wild and barked themselves silly at the front door. Deb ran down and corralled the puppies back into her office while I opened the door. The inspector said hello and carefully peered around me into the hallway and asked about the barking. I kind of think he was scared of dogs a little. He didn't stay long at all and really didn't want to enter the house. His loss. The puppies would have loved to meet him. We need to get The Dog Whisperer guy to come over and whisper into the dog's ears to shut the heck up. The puppies don't listen to us. The Dog Whisperer guy might need to bring a lunch if he wanted to break the puppies from barking at people at the front door.
Walter has been dreading this moment. I got into his truck a few days ago, and I saw a Southern Living and Martha Stewart Living Magazines in the passenger seat floor of his truck. Walter told me the magazines belonged to his twin sister. Oh buddy I gave him grief over those magazines. After about ten minutes of ribbing him, Walter turned to me and said, "This is going to show up in the blog isn't it?" Come on now, I would never talk about such matters here. I mentioned the magazines to my brother in front of Walter, and my brother didn't miss a beat. He looked at Walter and told him that he knew what to buy him for Christmas, a subscription to Good Housekeeping Magazine. I'll bet Walter is more careful with his sister's magazines in the future.
See Yall Manana.
Al
I was getting dressed to go see Dr Dermatologist today and the weather radio in our bedroom "went off". Today is Wednesday, and the National Weather Service tests the emergency alert system on Wednesday mornings, so I wasn't really concerned. Usually the test is the same recording of,"...this is a test of the emergency broadcast system and had this been an actual emergency then you would not really care because the democrats have already screwed up everything in our country anyway. Please dive under your bed and hide until the tornado carries your home and ruby red slippers back to Kansas." I believe that is how the announcement goes. BUT, today it was different. The announcer came on and announced it was actually a test and the message was being broadcast to certain counties in our area. At first she announced a list that included our county and the surrounding counties. But the list didn't stop there. She listed the counties down east and counties that I have never heard of anywhere in NC. Good Lord, there are only 100 counties in the state. I stopped what I was doing and my mouth hung open as she kept listing more and more counties. She kept on and on and on listing counties in NC, then she started on counties in Virginia, and that wasn't enough as she started listing "isolated townships" in Virginia. That must be one huge transmitter the National Weather Service owns. If you get too near that antenna, you could cook your Lean Cuisine while listening to the upcoming thunderstorm watch. I am not kidding, I stopped and looked at that stupid weather radio and asked myself what in the world were they thinking? I'll bet The National Weather Service got stimulus money to record that War and Peace length announcement and wanted to justify the money. Well duhhh.
We had the mega super furnace/AC inspected by the building inspectors yesterday. One was a mechanical inspector who came first and the other was the electrical inspector who arrived an hour later. Deb had the puppies locked up in her office for the first inspector's visit but when the second inspector rang the doorbell, the puppies went wild and barked themselves silly at the front door. Deb ran down and corralled the puppies back into her office while I opened the door. The inspector said hello and carefully peered around me into the hallway and asked about the barking. I kind of think he was scared of dogs a little. He didn't stay long at all and really didn't want to enter the house. His loss. The puppies would have loved to meet him. We need to get The Dog Whisperer guy to come over and whisper into the dog's ears to shut the heck up. The puppies don't listen to us. The Dog Whisperer guy might need to bring a lunch if he wanted to break the puppies from barking at people at the front door.
Walter has been dreading this moment. I got into his truck a few days ago, and I saw a Southern Living and Martha Stewart Living Magazines in the passenger seat floor of his truck. Walter told me the magazines belonged to his twin sister. Oh buddy I gave him grief over those magazines. After about ten minutes of ribbing him, Walter turned to me and said, "This is going to show up in the blog isn't it?" Come on now, I would never talk about such matters here. I mentioned the magazines to my brother in front of Walter, and my brother didn't miss a beat. He looked at Walter and told him that he knew what to buy him for Christmas, a subscription to Good Housekeeping Magazine. I'll bet Walter is more careful with his sister's magazines in the future.
See Yall Manana.
Al
Monday, August 2, 2010
Trailer Trash Circus Peanut Salad, Christmas Display Stuff
I was talking to an army buddy of mine a couple days ago. Actually, I speak to him a couple times each week, but this one conversation was significant . He told me about a family picnic that his family is planning for the near future in which everybody brings their favorite food. He said he was planning to make Circus Peanut Salad which has the main ingredient being that god awful candy, Circus Peanuts. I was taken aback. Circus Peanuts is a super sweet candy that is a chewy marshmellow like orange blob. I keep a couple in my tool box to plug sewer lines when I have to remove toilets. So I made the mistake of mentioning what my army buddy said to Deb after I found out the recipe to make it. I had to work this past weekend, and she made it while I was working. I wasn't around all weekend so I couldn't protest. This salad has Jello, pineapples, and for heaven sakes, Cool whip. In a funny Youtube video that we saw of a guy (dressed as a trailer park queen) making this monstrosity, he added the Circus Peanuts to the cooking Jello solution. The Circus Peanuts made the mixture rise up in the pan like it was alive. Nasty. Deb made this mess and put it into the refrigerator. I tried it after it harden into a Jelloy, orange, pineapple mess. Deb liked it or said she did. She lost a little credibility when she said she liked it. Good Lord, who was the idiot that said, "Let's put some of these candies that we don't eat into Jello and add some Cool Whip so noone tastes the Circus Peanuts. We won't eat these things, so let's make a salad out of them and take it to the Baptist picnic to get rid of them". What really disturbs me is that my army buddy actually wanted to make this "salad" and serve it to his family. What did his family ever do to him to inflict that level of mass punishment onto them? Sometimes we find out things about our friends that really disturbs us, don't we?
I was vacuuming tonight in preparation for visitors tomorrow, and guess what I found stuck to the hardwood on the stairs? No, it wasn't a clue that the democrats lost because the democrats don't have a clue. Ah ha, I got in my democrat joke early. I'm so talented. Anyway, if you guessed some of the taffy from that bag of taffy that the puppies ate, you would be correct. The stairs are twenty feet from the bedroom where the chewy carnage actually occurred, so I guess the puppies tracked it through the house and licked up their footprints before we got home and missed a spot--kind of like one of those robot vacuums except more like a puppy taffy bot. I still giggle over the thought of them chewing that bag of taffy.
So, I am preparing to order a couple special lights for our Christmas display. As you might know, our Christmas display is computer controlled and synchronized to music. I believe it is a form of art and not one of those tacky, flashing displays that you have seen on the internet. The lights that I want to buy are a little pricey and have kept me from ordering them which actually means Deb said no up to a couple days ago. I had an ace up my sleeve when we again discussed me ordering them. My mother-in -law sent me a check for my birthday that covered a sizable portion of the cost. When I spoke to Deb about ordering them, she looked at me like I told her I was going to vote for BO (the person whose name is not mentioned in our house) or something. Then I told her that her mother made it possible and Deb gave in. Deb loves the display too, and she can thank her own mother for forcing her to say yes this year. Sometimes life is good. He shoots, he scores and the crowd goes wild. The Christmas display this year will be outstanding as the music selections are amazing. I'm not sure how I will improve on it for next year but this year will be memorable. I guarantee it. I was in Sam Ash (musician's store) today and saw more lights that I want, but I don't plan on pushing my luck by asking for more lights this year. I have an entire year to whine that I want them. By the way, I will have close to 75,000 lights this year and that is a conservative estimate, and yes I am a Conservative. If you don't understand how many lights that is, a single strand of mini lights for your Christmas tree has 100 lights on a strand which means that I will have the equivalent of 750 strands of lights. It is a little more complicated than stating strands of lights. I feel our Christmas display is a shimmering beacon in the darkness of disparity of our nation until the democrats are out of power in our country. I had to get in one more democrat jab before I signed off.
See Yall later.
AL
Friday, July 30, 2010
July 30, 2010
Be warned, the next person that asks me if it is hot enough for me, I'm going to spin them around and give them a wedgie maybe even a nuclear wedgie--you know where the small particles in their drawers smash into their subatomic chin. Don't make me have to get ugly. When people ask me that asinine question, I always want to tell them, "Of course not, I'll have to slow roast all night before my flesh falls off my bones". Here is where I insert the democrat joke, but I will give it a break.
I was in Lowe's Home Improvement yesterday. For the Canadians, Lowe's is a home improvement warehouse similar to Home Depot. I was walking past the John Deere riding mowers and noticed that every single mover had a sign on it that said if you bought a John Deere mover, you would receive a John Deere hat. I thought about that for a couple minutes (stuff is taking longer for me to process due to the heat--don't get me started on the heat again), and I thought to myself what kind of person would make the decision to buy an expensive lawnmower just to get a hat? The sign made me want to call Deb and tell her I wanted to buy another John Deere mower just so I can get a John Deere hat. I know Deb, and she would want me to have that hat. I would covet the hat for the rest of my life. Maybe I would buy two mowers, so Deb and I could have matching John Deere hats. The hat would give me shade and people wouldn't ask me if it is hot enough for me every ten minutes--I said that last part with my teeth clinched.
Work has been beating my up lately. I am almost caught up from the work related things that accumulated during our trip to Canada. Being away from home caused me to have a laundry list of stuff needing my attention. It is nice being needed but the last few days have been ridiculous. I should get caught up this weekend just in time to start it all over again next week. I'll quit whining in a couple weeks. But I guarantee you, I will make the next person that asks me if it is hot enough for me whine. Yeah baby, it is going to be nuclear wedgie in Raleighwood for that idiot.
Deb said that she found pieces of taffy in Monty and Riley's fur from their little adventure into eating the entire bag of taffy from our bed. Riley had some on his rear leg and Monty had taffy stuck to his tail. Now how did he get it on his tail? We are stilling giggling over the images of the puppies sitting on our bed chewing a bag of taffy.
Speaking of the puppies, while we were traveling up north, the people that met Monty and Riley usually said the same things. They all would say how pretty the puppies were, then they would comment on how hot the puppies get in our weather. I usually told them that Monty and Riley had zippers on their bellies and would take their fur off--like a coat--when it was hot. What they didn't know was that I have been teaching the puppies to viciously attack people that ask me if it is hot enough for me. But the puppies would only attack a bag of taffy and not people. I might have to trade them in on pitbulls if my current attitude continues.
It is getting late and I need my beauty sleep. I keep sleeping but I am not beautiful yet. Maybe it will happen tomorrow. See you later.
Al
I was in Lowe's Home Improvement yesterday. For the Canadians, Lowe's is a home improvement warehouse similar to Home Depot. I was walking past the John Deere riding mowers and noticed that every single mover had a sign on it that said if you bought a John Deere mover, you would receive a John Deere hat. I thought about that for a couple minutes (stuff is taking longer for me to process due to the heat--don't get me started on the heat again), and I thought to myself what kind of person would make the decision to buy an expensive lawnmower just to get a hat? The sign made me want to call Deb and tell her I wanted to buy another John Deere mower just so I can get a John Deere hat. I know Deb, and she would want me to have that hat. I would covet the hat for the rest of my life. Maybe I would buy two mowers, so Deb and I could have matching John Deere hats. The hat would give me shade and people wouldn't ask me if it is hot enough for me every ten minutes--I said that last part with my teeth clinched.
Work has been beating my up lately. I am almost caught up from the work related things that accumulated during our trip to Canada. Being away from home caused me to have a laundry list of stuff needing my attention. It is nice being needed but the last few days have been ridiculous. I should get caught up this weekend just in time to start it all over again next week. I'll quit whining in a couple weeks. But I guarantee you, I will make the next person that asks me if it is hot enough for me whine. Yeah baby, it is going to be nuclear wedgie in Raleighwood for that idiot.
Deb said that she found pieces of taffy in Monty and Riley's fur from their little adventure into eating the entire bag of taffy from our bed. Riley had some on his rear leg and Monty had taffy stuck to his tail. Now how did he get it on his tail? We are stilling giggling over the images of the puppies sitting on our bed chewing a bag of taffy.
Speaking of the puppies, while we were traveling up north, the people that met Monty and Riley usually said the same things. They all would say how pretty the puppies were, then they would comment on how hot the puppies get in our weather. I usually told them that Monty and Riley had zippers on their bellies and would take their fur off--like a coat--when it was hot. What they didn't know was that I have been teaching the puppies to viciously attack people that ask me if it is hot enough for me. But the puppies would only attack a bag of taffy and not people. I might have to trade them in on pitbulls if my current attitude continues.
It is getting late and I need my beauty sleep. I keep sleeping but I am not beautiful yet. Maybe it will happen tomorrow. See you later.
Al
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Curtains, Taffy, Refrigerator--Raleigh July 27, 2010
I went to see Mary today. She is the lady that has cropped my coiffure since the time my coiffure was brown and not gray. Mary is self-employed and has a really slick salon area that she rents in a building with other people of the same profession; they are all hair stylists and each has their own salon that is about 12' x 16' or thereabouts. Some of the other stylists there have decorated their spaces with all grades of stuff that I consider unique--like hard wood flooring. Mary's salon is decorated more mainstream with a touch of contemporary-except without the coffee drinking weirdos that usually hangout in modern/contemporary areas. At least her decorating tastes were mainstream until recently. I walked into her salon today, and I noticed she had hung curtains that reminded me of something that I associate with a den of iniquity. I didn't want to come right out and say whorehouse because some of the Baptists from church read this blog. But, I guess I just did. As a matter of fact I mentioned to Mary that I thought it looked like a French version of it. These curtains were all hangy downy, lacey, and nothing that I would normally associate with Mary's personality. Mary said she has taken a lot of ribbing over the curtains. She said one person asked if she was giving massages and another person said they thought it looked kind of like a funeral parlor. I have known a few women in my life that would have busted out crying over comments like those that I just mentioned but not Mary. She's the kind of lady that would laugh and then give you five good reasons upside your head not to call her whorehouse curtains funeral parlor curtains. I told her she should run around in French negligees or something. Now that I think of it, I've got to check my haircut. She might have cut a swath out of the hair on the back of my head where I couldn't see it to get even or used the clippers to shave the word "dork" somewhere. I wouldn't put it past her.
I had lunch out today and a little boy about 12-18 months was sitting patiently in a high chair checking out stuff (like kids will do) while his mother stood in line to order. He was a cute little guy. I walked up behind him and his mother, and he became fixated with me. I'm always enthralled with how kids will stop and stare. They haven't been told not to do so yet. After a minute or so I got him to smiling and making faces back at me. His mother looked at him, then looked around at me, and immediately knew I was communicating with her son, we were just not talking. She laughed and went back to ordering. The little guy was much too young to talk but we talked just the same. I've noticed that I have been been "talking" to kids a lot lately. I have always liked kids but had kind of forgotten how much fun they can be. Deb says that I want grandkids. I don't think so. I'm too young. If my son decides to have children before I am sixty years old, I will take him to Monty and Riley's vet and have the vet neuter him with a dull, rusty butter knife. And for my friends that have children, or are expecting children (God help me), no I won't babysit your monsters. Geez.
Our super duper, high tech, taxpayer subsidized refrigerator died this past weekend. It's display said that it was working fine and didn't cool. In case you can't remember, the thing is six weeks old and cost the equivalent of the gross national product of Albania. So, I called Samsung, after I tried to use their worthless website, and told them to send out an idiot to work on it, and they did. The idiot came out and looked at it and said it was working fine and left. Einstein said it was cooling, singing, and dancing like it should, and I experienced a problem from an electrical storm. I checked on it just now, 10 hours after Einstein left, and it was warm inside. Well La De Da. Let me sum up this refrigerator for you. First, it is bright, shiny, and promised to be the best thing since sliced bread. Second, the taxpayers helped me buy it. Third, it failed miserably a short time after I bought it. Fourth, when I complained about it not working, I was told I didn't have a problem. Now who does that sound like? Come on you can guess. That's right, the democratic party. I have a democrat residing in my house. The only difference with this refrigerator and a democrat is that the refrigerator actually was useful for a short period of time.
We went out to dinner about an hour ago. When we got home we discovered Monty and Riley had been really naughty. Let me start by saying that the dogs are not allowed on the furniture--ever. Deb had left a bag of salty water taffy inside a canvas bag on our bed, and the dogs got into it. The taffy was individually wrapped, inside two plastic bags with ribbon closing the bags. The bedspread was super wet in an area about 1' wide and 2' long, and Deb didn't know why it was wet. I surmised it was dog drool from chewing all of that taffy. I'm sure that was a funny sight seeing the dogs chewing all that taffy. The bedspread was covered in blotches where the candy had been smeared onto the bed. I'll betcha the puppies had a good time with the taffy Deb brought back for her friend. The bag was empty and the pups were full.
I think that I will continue with the blog for a while and not just during the times that we are on the road. I enjoy talking about the funny things that I see everyday. I'm amazed at the people that read this blog. I see so many things everyday that I find interesting and sometimes funny. So, I guess I will continue the blog for a while.
Al
I had lunch out today and a little boy about 12-18 months was sitting patiently in a high chair checking out stuff (like kids will do) while his mother stood in line to order. He was a cute little guy. I walked up behind him and his mother, and he became fixated with me. I'm always enthralled with how kids will stop and stare. They haven't been told not to do so yet. After a minute or so I got him to smiling and making faces back at me. His mother looked at him, then looked around at me, and immediately knew I was communicating with her son, we were just not talking. She laughed and went back to ordering. The little guy was much too young to talk but we talked just the same. I've noticed that I have been been "talking" to kids a lot lately. I have always liked kids but had kind of forgotten how much fun they can be. Deb says that I want grandkids. I don't think so. I'm too young. If my son decides to have children before I am sixty years old, I will take him to Monty and Riley's vet and have the vet neuter him with a dull, rusty butter knife. And for my friends that have children, or are expecting children (God help me), no I won't babysit your monsters. Geez.
Our super duper, high tech, taxpayer subsidized refrigerator died this past weekend. It's display said that it was working fine and didn't cool. In case you can't remember, the thing is six weeks old and cost the equivalent of the gross national product of Albania. So, I called Samsung, after I tried to use their worthless website, and told them to send out an idiot to work on it, and they did. The idiot came out and looked at it and said it was working fine and left. Einstein said it was cooling, singing, and dancing like it should, and I experienced a problem from an electrical storm. I checked on it just now, 10 hours after Einstein left, and it was warm inside. Well La De Da. Let me sum up this refrigerator for you. First, it is bright, shiny, and promised to be the best thing since sliced bread. Second, the taxpayers helped me buy it. Third, it failed miserably a short time after I bought it. Fourth, when I complained about it not working, I was told I didn't have a problem. Now who does that sound like? Come on you can guess. That's right, the democratic party. I have a democrat residing in my house. The only difference with this refrigerator and a democrat is that the refrigerator actually was useful for a short period of time.
We went out to dinner about an hour ago. When we got home we discovered Monty and Riley had been really naughty. Let me start by saying that the dogs are not allowed on the furniture--ever. Deb had left a bag of salty water taffy inside a canvas bag on our bed, and the dogs got into it. The taffy was individually wrapped, inside two plastic bags with ribbon closing the bags. The bedspread was super wet in an area about 1' wide and 2' long, and Deb didn't know why it was wet. I surmised it was dog drool from chewing all of that taffy. I'm sure that was a funny sight seeing the dogs chewing all that taffy. The bedspread was covered in blotches where the candy had been smeared onto the bed. I'll betcha the puppies had a good time with the taffy Deb brought back for her friend. The bag was empty and the pups were full.
I think that I will continue with the blog for a while and not just during the times that we are on the road. I enjoy talking about the funny things that I see everyday. I'm amazed at the people that read this blog. I see so many things everyday that I find interesting and sometimes funny. So, I guess I will continue the blog for a while.
Al
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Raleigh July 25, 2010
Walter and I drove all day Thursday and got home about 6pm. Traveling is fun but as "they" say, there is no place like home. The heat in Raleigh is stifling as it was 100 degrees Friday. The humidity was high and breathing required effort outdoors. But inside the house, our new super-duper air conditioner was doing just fine. Thank you democrats and the next generation of our kids for giving me tax money to replace our air conditioner. I had to get in a democrat jab somewhere.
Deb got home last night at 11pm. The puppies and myself were really happy to see her. Riley has been beating up on Monty as Deb wasn't around. Riley considers himself my pup and Monty considers himself to be Deb's. When Deb isn't around Riley asserts his alpha male role and beats up on Monty as much as possible. Brothers will be brothers as "they" say (here "they" are giving advice again). Deb was selected for "special screening" by TSA simply because she was flying one way. Now how stupid is that. Don't you think the terrorists have figured out that a one way ticket means extra scrutinization? Of course this is just another example of why the US is hated the world over due to inane and silly screening of the traveling public.
The journey to Canada and back cost about $2400 in gasoline and around $600 in campsites. Seems a lot of money, right? It is a lot of money. But we were gone for about a month. If we traveled by car the fuel bill would have been about 1/3 of what the motorhome used (assuming we took my pickup truck). Had we taken my truck and stayed in hotels, the $600 in lodging would have been four times what it cost for the motorhome. For those of you that aren't good at math, that is about the same costs. Plus, for most meals, we cooked at the motorhome which resulted in a significant savings. But the most important reason we traveled in the motorhome allowed us to take Monty and Riley. A few years ago we drove (my truck) from Raleigh to Naicam and the hotels we stayed in were disgusting. We only stayed in one hotel room that didn't smell like urine. Most hotels have "pet fees" that they charge to do extra cleaning that they don't do. Long live The Love Boat.
I was trimming my mustache a few days ago and slipped which resulted in my having a gap missing from my mustache. I figured I had two choices, either I could glue some dog hair on my lip or cutoff my mustache. So, I glued some dog hair on my lip. Sorry, I meant I cut my mustache off. Deb has wanted me to do so for some time because she says it makes me look younger. She is correct, I look 16 years old again. As a direct result, I have been listening to Lady Gaga and other teeny bands that sound like cats in heat whining into a microphone. I plan to put huge speakers in my truck and drive around irritating our neighbors with rap (you can't have crap without rap) music. I think I will close now so I can run to the mall and hang out for a while. I figure I can text my new teeny friends (LOL) and let my pants hang down to my knees. I figure about a week of me acting 16 years old and Deb will beg me to grow my mustache back. We shall see. Deb just told me I can't go to the mall because I was grounded. I'll slip out later when she is taking her nap (old people have to nap). I want to get a tattoo while I'm at the mall. I'm thinking a tattoo that is on my back just above my belt and please don't call it a tramp stamp. You grown ups are so narrow-mined. My iPhone needs recharging, so I'll have to go now but be assured we are still BFFs. ROFL.
Deb got home last night at 11pm. The puppies and myself were really happy to see her. Riley has been beating up on Monty as Deb wasn't around. Riley considers himself my pup and Monty considers himself to be Deb's. When Deb isn't around Riley asserts his alpha male role and beats up on Monty as much as possible. Brothers will be brothers as "they" say (here "they" are giving advice again). Deb was selected for "special screening" by TSA simply because she was flying one way. Now how stupid is that. Don't you think the terrorists have figured out that a one way ticket means extra scrutinization? Of course this is just another example of why the US is hated the world over due to inane and silly screening of the traveling public.
The journey to Canada and back cost about $2400 in gasoline and around $600 in campsites. Seems a lot of money, right? It is a lot of money. But we were gone for about a month. If we traveled by car the fuel bill would have been about 1/3 of what the motorhome used (assuming we took my pickup truck). Had we taken my truck and stayed in hotels, the $600 in lodging would have been four times what it cost for the motorhome. For those of you that aren't good at math, that is about the same costs. Plus, for most meals, we cooked at the motorhome which resulted in a significant savings. But the most important reason we traveled in the motorhome allowed us to take Monty and Riley. A few years ago we drove (my truck) from Raleigh to Naicam and the hotels we stayed in were disgusting. We only stayed in one hotel room that didn't smell like urine. Most hotels have "pet fees" that they charge to do extra cleaning that they don't do. Long live The Love Boat.
I was trimming my mustache a few days ago and slipped which resulted in my having a gap missing from my mustache. I figured I had two choices, either I could glue some dog hair on my lip or cutoff my mustache. So, I glued some dog hair on my lip. Sorry, I meant I cut my mustache off. Deb has wanted me to do so for some time because she says it makes me look younger. She is correct, I look 16 years old again. As a direct result, I have been listening to Lady Gaga and other teeny bands that sound like cats in heat whining into a microphone. I plan to put huge speakers in my truck and drive around irritating our neighbors with rap (you can't have crap without rap) music. I think I will close now so I can run to the mall and hang out for a while. I figure I can text my new teeny friends (LOL) and let my pants hang down to my knees. I figure about a week of me acting 16 years old and Deb will beg me to grow my mustache back. We shall see. Deb just told me I can't go to the mall because I was grounded. I'll slip out later when she is taking her nap (old people have to nap). I want to get a tattoo while I'm at the mall. I'm thinking a tattoo that is on my back just above my belt and please don't call it a tramp stamp. You grown ups are so narrow-mined. My iPhone needs recharging, so I'll have to go now but be assured we are still BFFs. ROFL.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
"family bathroom", Indy Motor Speedway, Milton, WV July 21, 2010
We stopped at a KOA campground in Milton, WV for the night. I'll bet you have no idea where Milton, WV. Don't feel bad I don't either as I didn't pay much attention to the town. Milton, WV is a town between Lexington, KY and Charleston, WV on I-64. Milton is an okay town as far as town goes. We didn't get shot driving through it and kids didn't run out trying to sell us candy like the kids do in Mexico--at least not yet. The campground was expensive and full of kids. I will have to spray the dang motorhome for kids after this place. About 11pm, I went to use the park's "facilities" and found the only bathroom closed for cleaning. Oh I called them some ugly names. I was ashamed of myself for about two milliseconds. Then I walked back to The Love Boat and Walter said there was a "family bathroom" on the other end of the stupid park. So, I walked to the "family bathroom". The sign on the door had a male and female symbol and likely meant one of two things. My first thought that this was a bathroom was for girly men like Richard Simmons. My second thougth that either sex could go in which again meant Richard Simmons. So, I stood outside and comtemplated what the word "family" meant on the door of a girly man bathroom. I was confused and didn't want to have to spray myself with kid repellent before I went into the girly man bathroom. So, I stood there a few seconds and the mosquitoes removed two pints of my blood (and would have eventually sucked out my brains turning me into a democrat). In short order, I decided to risk whatever fate "family bathroom" meant. I went inside and looked around. A family bathroom must mean that the whole dang family can come in, because this bathroom was large enough for the entire Brady Bunch. Why the whole family would want to see each other on the john is alien to me but to each their own. This bathroom was the size of a bedroom with a shower, sink, and john. There was ample room in there so a kid could ride around on his bigwheel without disturbing his other family members watching each other on the john. After a little thought, I left and brought Monty and Riley back with me. You have your family, and I have mine. My "family" doesn't run around in the bathroom; they just sit and look at the person on the throne and say nothing. I prefer silence to bigwheels. The puppies thought the "family bathroom" was a good idea. Me too.
Walter and I stopped at The Indianapolis Motor Speedway today, and it was a blast. There is an amazing museum there with all kinds of race cars including Indy, Formula One, and NASCAR. I would highly recommend a trip to see this museum. We also took a tour of the race track. We got on a bus that went on the track and made one lap while showing us the sights around the track. The track tour was my favorite part of the day. The track is 2 1/2 miles long and has several holes of a golf course inside and just outside of the track. The golf course is quite old as the track dates to 1909. May I suggest you view the museum and track if you are in the area. What a great day for us but not for a guy driving a million dollar motorhome that was trying to enter the grounds. The main entrance to the facility goes under the track. The roadway dips down to allow vehicles up to 13' 8" tall. How do I know this fact, it is written on a huge sign at the entrance? Why does this concern me? The Love Boat has antennas that would not go through this "tunnel" entrance. However that didn't prevent a driver of a million dollar motorhome (somebody elses) from trying to make the turn into the track. We didn't pay him much mind until we heard the crunch of fiberglass and metal. The motorhome had struck a support piling and the concrete above the entrance. He backed the motorhome out a little and repositioned himself and made a clean entrance the second time. Could you imagine trying to explain to the owner of a brand new million dollar motorhome that you ran it into the entrance and messed up the side AND top? During the tour, there were many, many million dollar motorhomes on the inside portion of the track. I guess drivers and VIPs move their motorhomes into place days before the race. The Brickyard 400 is this coming weekend. I wonder how many of them ran into the entrance. The pilings on the entrance were pretty well abused from other vehicles striking them. Ouch.
Oh I almost forgot. We left Zion, IL at about 5:30am and drove through the center of Chicago without a single traffic related problem or slowdown. We cleared Chicago after two hours of driving. We were utterly amazed. In twenty-five years of traveling through Chicago, I have never been through unscathed from traffic until today. There is always a first for everything I guess.
Tomorrow we will drive into Raleigh via Charleston, WV. I am looking forward to being home.
Walter and I stopped at The Indianapolis Motor Speedway today, and it was a blast. There is an amazing museum there with all kinds of race cars including Indy, Formula One, and NASCAR. I would highly recommend a trip to see this museum. We also took a tour of the race track. We got on a bus that went on the track and made one lap while showing us the sights around the track. The track tour was my favorite part of the day. The track is 2 1/2 miles long and has several holes of a golf course inside and just outside of the track. The golf course is quite old as the track dates to 1909. May I suggest you view the museum and track if you are in the area. What a great day for us but not for a guy driving a million dollar motorhome that was trying to enter the grounds. The main entrance to the facility goes under the track. The roadway dips down to allow vehicles up to 13' 8" tall. How do I know this fact, it is written on a huge sign at the entrance? Why does this concern me? The Love Boat has antennas that would not go through this "tunnel" entrance. However that didn't prevent a driver of a million dollar motorhome (somebody elses) from trying to make the turn into the track. We didn't pay him much mind until we heard the crunch of fiberglass and metal. The motorhome had struck a support piling and the concrete above the entrance. He backed the motorhome out a little and repositioned himself and made a clean entrance the second time. Could you imagine trying to explain to the owner of a brand new million dollar motorhome that you ran it into the entrance and messed up the side AND top? During the tour, there were many, many million dollar motorhomes on the inside portion of the track. I guess drivers and VIPs move their motorhomes into place days before the race. The Brickyard 400 is this coming weekend. I wonder how many of them ran into the entrance. The pilings on the entrance were pretty well abused from other vehicles striking them. Ouch.
Oh I almost forgot. We left Zion, IL at about 5:30am and drove through the center of Chicago without a single traffic related problem or slowdown. We cleared Chicago after two hours of driving. We were utterly amazed. In twenty-five years of traveling through Chicago, I have never been through unscathed from traffic until today. There is always a first for everything I guess.
Tomorrow we will drive into Raleigh via Charleston, WV. I am looking forward to being home.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Ft.Sheridan, Puppies, Tollways--Zion, IL July 20, 2010
I lied to you. We decided to stay another night in Zion, IL. Somebody I know wanted to stop by today, so here we are. You may know that there are several roads in this area that span a great distance north to south. A couple of the more famous roads would be Green Bay and Sheridan Rds. Sheridan Road is just inside of the shore of Lake Michigan and runs through several towns to name a few are Waukegan, Lake Forest, Fort Sheridan etc. Lake Forest and Fort Sheridan are beautiful. Fort Sheridan used to be an army post and somebody bought it and turned it into an amazing town. Some of the old army buildings were converted into gorgeous condos and single family homes. There's lots of open space that is beautifully landscaped. If you are up this way a visit to Ft Sheridan would be worth your while.
We drove down Sheridan Rd quite a distance today and took the dogs for a walk in a park in Lake Forest. Lake Forest is a rich little town. The puppies got out of the car and immediately did what they do best which is making friends. I have mentioned the puppies' naturally ability to be the center of attraction a few times in the past. Lake Forest was no exception. Two little girls, about nine years old, ran up and made friends with the puppies immediately. One little girl wanted to walk Riley so I gave her his leash and away she went being drug by Riley. Riley knew he could get away with anything he wanted, and she would go along with it. Those two girls took turns walking him. Riley was in heaven. What really amazed me was how the kids ran up to us and started talking. I guess their parents haven't had time to tell them that the entire world is bad and means them harm like many parents do today. The kids' parents were nice to talk to as well. Maybe I will change my views about the people here. Naahh.
Tomorrow the drive through Chicago will be very early in the morning. If you know anything about Chicago , you would know there are really only two ways to drive through Chicago if you're heading east. Those two ways would be I-90 (Skyway) and 1-94/294 (Tri State Tollway). Both routes are parking lots in the morning and evening. Our current location is sort of on the edge of Chicago (I am lying a little) and it is 110 miles until we clear Chicago in Gary, Indiana. Yes, I said 110 miles. That would be the equivalent of starting in Raleigh and ending in Winston-Salem, NC. Many people don't really understand how Chicago sprawls. We plan to go through the center of Chicago at about 4am to avoid rushhour. If we don't got through so early, those 110 miles could take several more hours. How do people put up with trafffic like this on a regular basis? And it gets ugly cold here too.
I have seen enough BO for president bumperstickers to last me a lifetime. I guess the mosquitoes have been sucking out the brains of the locals for too many years, and this is what you get. I'll bet most of them now want to scrape the bumperstickers off but can't. But then again there are always the people that try to support the losing team regardless. You know, the kind of people that would flaunt leprosy and tell you it is fun. Yeah right. How's that change working out for you Bumpersticker People? Did I hear you say "...not so good"? I told you so.
I must admit that I didn't mind being in the Chicago area this time. I met some nice people. Don't get me wrong and think I want to be a Yankee, but I met a few people that I liked; then they got into their car and drove like a maniac and earned their ranking on my poopy list. I will not miss the highspeed driving idiots. I guess they drive really fast so people won't have time to see they have a non-removable BO for President bumpersticker and realize they made a horrible mistake.
Update: Today is Thursday. We drove to Milton, WV and are 350 miles from home. I'll update when I get home today. We stopped along the way and will talk about them when I get home.
Al
We drove down Sheridan Rd quite a distance today and took the dogs for a walk in a park in Lake Forest. Lake Forest is a rich little town. The puppies got out of the car and immediately did what they do best which is making friends. I have mentioned the puppies' naturally ability to be the center of attraction a few times in the past. Lake Forest was no exception. Two little girls, about nine years old, ran up and made friends with the puppies immediately. One little girl wanted to walk Riley so I gave her his leash and away she went being drug by Riley. Riley knew he could get away with anything he wanted, and she would go along with it. Those two girls took turns walking him. Riley was in heaven. What really amazed me was how the kids ran up to us and started talking. I guess their parents haven't had time to tell them that the entire world is bad and means them harm like many parents do today. The kids' parents were nice to talk to as well. Maybe I will change my views about the people here. Naahh.
Tomorrow the drive through Chicago will be very early in the morning. If you know anything about Chicago , you would know there are really only two ways to drive through Chicago if you're heading east. Those two ways would be I-90 (Skyway) and 1-94/294 (Tri State Tollway). Both routes are parking lots in the morning and evening. Our current location is sort of on the edge of Chicago (I am lying a little) and it is 110 miles until we clear Chicago in Gary, Indiana. Yes, I said 110 miles. That would be the equivalent of starting in Raleigh and ending in Winston-Salem, NC. Many people don't really understand how Chicago sprawls. We plan to go through the center of Chicago at about 4am to avoid rushhour. If we don't got through so early, those 110 miles could take several more hours. How do people put up with trafffic like this on a regular basis? And it gets ugly cold here too.
I have seen enough BO for president bumperstickers to last me a lifetime. I guess the mosquitoes have been sucking out the brains of the locals for too many years, and this is what you get. I'll bet most of them now want to scrape the bumperstickers off but can't. But then again there are always the people that try to support the losing team regardless. You know, the kind of people that would flaunt leprosy and tell you it is fun. Yeah right. How's that change working out for you Bumpersticker People? Did I hear you say "...not so good"? I told you so.
I must admit that I didn't mind being in the Chicago area this time. I met some nice people. Don't get me wrong and think I want to be a Yankee, but I met a few people that I liked; then they got into their car and drove like a maniac and earned their ranking on my poopy list. I will not miss the highspeed driving idiots. I guess they drive really fast so people won't have time to see they have a non-removable BO for President bumpersticker and realize they made a horrible mistake.
Update: Today is Thursday. We drove to Milton, WV and are 350 miles from home. I'll update when I get home today. We stopped along the way and will talk about them when I get home.
Al
Monday, July 19, 2010
OUT OF SEQUENCE Rain, Lake Shore Drive, Deer Signs--Zion, Illinois July 19, 2010
This was found not published for some reason. It is from Zion, IL
I am sick of the rain. It has rained on us everyday we have been north of the Mason-Dixon line. The puppies are tired of the thunder and lightning which has been almost everyday too. The puppies lose their minds when it thunders. I know NC has been going through a drought, and I should be glad that it is raining somewhere, but I wish it would hold off until I get home even a little. I've enjoyed the cooler temperatures though. When we entered into Illinois, the temperature was 90 degrees F which brings an end to the cool temperatures for us. Dang.
Before I forget, while traveling in Canada we saw dozens of deer crossing signs and none had bullet holes. Oh come on now. Doesn't Canada have redneck idiots like we do in NC?. I was grown before I found out deer crossing signs aren't erected new with bullet holes. Maybe Canada changes the signs often to make US citizens think Canadians don't shoot those signs. I know better though.
We are camping in a state park in Zion, Illinois which is about 75 miles north of downtown Chicago. I am familiar with this park as having visited here a few times in the past, but this is the first time camping here. This is a nice park but the bathrooms are a half mile (at least) from our campsite. The distance made me go hmm. The Love Boat has "facilities" but the park's only campsite supplied utility is electricity which means we are forced to use the park's bathrooms. Let's just say that the fresh water tanks on the motorhome are not large enough to supply two showers per day for two days. The mosquitoes here are murder but they've been a problem for the last month. As much as I, as most people, dislike insect repellent, there is no way to not use it. I tried playing Celine Deon music in Canada to keep the mosquitoes away but that didn' t work. It did keep everything but mosquitoes and pimply faced teenage kids away, both of whom gathered in swarms. If I have a vote, I vote for the mosquitoes. This park is full of children, but I was lucky enough to get in the old curmudgeon section. The campground host manning the park lived in Fayetteville, NC for a while and hooked me up.
We went into downtown Chicago today. Naturally we drove along Lake Shore Drive and stopped in the park for a walk. The puppies had a bunch of fun. We stopped on the shoreline and watched what we found out later was a sailboat race. A lady from the sailboat race judging area came over and sat down with us and snuggled up to the puppies. Riley liked her a lot and snuggled up to her. Riley looked up at me and asked with his eyes, "Can I keep her Al?" But we didn't keep her and we drove down to Rush Street or at least we drove around and around Rush Street but never quite found it. The GPS was truly confused and kept sending us around and around in larger circles. I saw the same people pass by the car a few times. I decided Rush Street was not worth finding again. I have been there a few times and wanted to show it to Walter. Well Walter isn't going to see it this trip. To bad, so sad, GPS bad.
We leave for Indianapolis tomorrow morning very early. We plan to visit the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Museum. Maybe we can get to look at the track.
See you tomorrow.
I am sick of the rain. It has rained on us everyday we have been north of the Mason-Dixon line. The puppies are tired of the thunder and lightning which has been almost everyday too. The puppies lose their minds when it thunders. I know NC has been going through a drought, and I should be glad that it is raining somewhere, but I wish it would hold off until I get home even a little. I've enjoyed the cooler temperatures though. When we entered into Illinois, the temperature was 90 degrees F which brings an end to the cool temperatures for us. Dang.
Before I forget, while traveling in Canada we saw dozens of deer crossing signs and none had bullet holes. Oh come on now. Doesn't Canada have redneck idiots like we do in NC?. I was grown before I found out deer crossing signs aren't erected new with bullet holes. Maybe Canada changes the signs often to make US citizens think Canadians don't shoot those signs. I know better though.
We are camping in a state park in Zion, Illinois which is about 75 miles north of downtown Chicago. I am familiar with this park as having visited here a few times in the past, but this is the first time camping here. This is a nice park but the bathrooms are a half mile (at least) from our campsite. The distance made me go hmm. The Love Boat has "facilities" but the park's only campsite supplied utility is electricity which means we are forced to use the park's bathrooms. Let's just say that the fresh water tanks on the motorhome are not large enough to supply two showers per day for two days. The mosquitoes here are murder but they've been a problem for the last month. As much as I, as most people, dislike insect repellent, there is no way to not use it. I tried playing Celine Deon music in Canada to keep the mosquitoes away but that didn' t work. It did keep everything but mosquitoes and pimply faced teenage kids away, both of whom gathered in swarms. If I have a vote, I vote for the mosquitoes. This park is full of children, but I was lucky enough to get in the old curmudgeon section. The campground host manning the park lived in Fayetteville, NC for a while and hooked me up.
We went into downtown Chicago today. Naturally we drove along Lake Shore Drive and stopped in the park for a walk. The puppies had a bunch of fun. We stopped on the shoreline and watched what we found out later was a sailboat race. A lady from the sailboat race judging area came over and sat down with us and snuggled up to the puppies. Riley liked her a lot and snuggled up to her. Riley looked up at me and asked with his eyes, "Can I keep her Al?" But we didn't keep her and we drove down to Rush Street or at least we drove around and around Rush Street but never quite found it. The GPS was truly confused and kept sending us around and around in larger circles. I saw the same people pass by the car a few times. I decided Rush Street was not worth finding again. I have been there a few times and wanted to show it to Walter. Well Walter isn't going to see it this trip. To bad, so sad, GPS bad.
We leave for Indianapolis tomorrow morning very early. We plan to visit the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Museum. Maybe we can get to look at the track.
See you tomorrow.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Eddie Munster, Customs, Highways Honoring Idiots--Bessemer, Michigan July, 17, 2010
We drove all day from Sioux Narrows, ON until we reached a small town on the south side of Lake Superior named Bessemer, Michigan. We found an okay place to stay named Alpine Campground. The lady that ran the place was a German ex-patriot. She lived in a house on the property and had a small office in one room. We checked in and she had her son guide us to the campsite in a golfcart. Guiding RVs to their site is somewhat customary as navigating a very large vehicle through an unknown campground can be very stressful especially near dark. The entire operation was nothing unusual except for the owner's son. Do you remember The Munsters? You know that comedy/satire program that aired in the 60s that showcased the lives of some "monsters" that lived with normal people. There was Herman, Lily, Grandpa, Marilyn, and the character that I want to point out, Eddie. Eddie kind of looked like a teenage wolfman/boy. The campground owner's son looked like Eddie Munster, and I am not kidding. This Eddie wasn't a teenager at all. He was 35-40 years old, looked like a werewolf, and lived in his mother's basement in a town in the middle of nowhere. If I were a screenwriter, this guy's was a movie waiting to happen. Oh, before I forget, there was a huge, old sign in front of the campground advertising the name of the campground and a "rider" that said "Drive Tru". What that rider should have said was "Drive Thru" which is a colloquialism referring to drive through campsites--so you don't have to disconnect your towed car. Wasn't Eddie smart enough to know that sign was incorrect? Kind of one of those things that makes me go hmm.
When we drove through the US customs, I was pleasantly surprised as they were nice to us. Two of them came inside (separately) The Love Boat to search for goodness knows what. But they did find my oranges and took them. I guess terrorists use oranges for something. I felt violated. Could somebody hold me? Yeah right.
Speaking of somebody holding me, on the way through Minnesota today, we drove on the Walter Mondale Highway which is Hwy 53. If you are not familiar with Walter Mondale don't be upset. In 1984, Mondale lost a presidential election to Ronald Reagan by only garnering electoral votes from Minnesota and DC. Good lord, why would Minnesota name a highway after this guy. We only drove on this highway for a short period of time, because I was getting nauseated just thinking that I was riding on something honoring that nitwit. I decide that if the road changed to Al Gore Highway I was going to stop The Love Boat and throw up. I'll bet you that the Walter Mondale Highway ended in a deadend like his career which would be befitting. Oh lord, I can't wait on the Nancy Perlosi Highway. It would have to be a highway with butt ugly scenery that goes in a direction that nobody wants to go . Good lord. Somebody hold me please.
Tomorrow, we leave for Chicago. I swear if I have to drive on The Rod Blagojevich Highway, I'll have an aneurysm. You know Blagojevich as the former governor that tried to sell B.O.'s (you know the person whose name is not allowed to be said in my presence) former senate seat. I'm sure Illinois is proud of that idiot too.
When we drove through the US customs, I was pleasantly surprised as they were nice to us. Two of them came inside (separately) The Love Boat to search for goodness knows what. But they did find my oranges and took them. I guess terrorists use oranges for something. I felt violated. Could somebody hold me? Yeah right.
Speaking of somebody holding me, on the way through Minnesota today, we drove on the Walter Mondale Highway which is Hwy 53. If you are not familiar with Walter Mondale don't be upset. In 1984, Mondale lost a presidential election to Ronald Reagan by only garnering electoral votes from Minnesota and DC. Good lord, why would Minnesota name a highway after this guy. We only drove on this highway for a short period of time, because I was getting nauseated just thinking that I was riding on something honoring that nitwit. I decide that if the road changed to Al Gore Highway I was going to stop The Love Boat and throw up. I'll bet you that the Walter Mondale Highway ended in a deadend like his career which would be befitting. Oh lord, I can't wait on the Nancy Perlosi Highway. It would have to be a highway with butt ugly scenery that goes in a direction that nobody wants to go . Good lord. Somebody hold me please.
Tomorrow, we leave for Chicago. I swear if I have to drive on The Rod Blagojevich Highway, I'll have an aneurysm. You know Blagojevich as the former governor that tried to sell B.O.'s (you know the person whose name is not allowed to be said in my presence) former senate seat. I'm sure Illinois is proud of that idiot too.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sioux Narrows, ON July 15, 2010
Today was a no pressure day. We drove down to Nestor Falls to show Walter the terrain. We stopped at a remote part of the lake and let the dogs "go play" which tells the dogs that they can run off leash. They go nuts when they get to "go play". We were around 200 feet from the lake, and Monty took less than one minute to jump into the lake. I called him and told him to stay out of the lake but he ignored me. Monty is still wet hours after the Keeshond Polar Bear Outing.
I walked down to The Potty People's place a couple minutes ago. You'll remember from yesterday that one potty was missing. Today, I am happy to report, the potty has returned and is facing the other potty on the mat. When I walked by the campsite, there were several people grilling out next to one of the potties and people were sitting around on the mat. Somebody had placed their coat on one of the potties. Yuck. Yuck. YUCK. Nasty. What is really amazing is that I noticed that the trailer was from Oklahoma. I used a mapping program and determined the shortest distance possible to the Oklahoma border is 2100 miles. Oh my. Somebody drove well over 2000 miles with two porta potties in tow. Nasty, eewwww. Then they get here and party around the potties. Eeeeeeewwwwwww.
This campground is full of US citizens. Wisconsin and Minnesota are the usual license plates. I did see plates from Florida, Ohio, Missouri, Texas, and Oklahoma (this is The Potty Peoples' Honey Wagon). We are about sixty miles north of the US/Canadian border.
We are staying here for another day and leaving on Saturday. We should be in the US on Saturday. We haven't had a chance to go fishing here but will do so tomorrow. We're renting a boat and will motor around a while. Of course we're taking the puppies as Monty loves to go for boat rides. We'll see tomorrow how much fishing goes on.
Al
I walked down to The Potty People's place a couple minutes ago. You'll remember from yesterday that one potty was missing. Today, I am happy to report, the potty has returned and is facing the other potty on the mat. When I walked by the campsite, there were several people grilling out next to one of the potties and people were sitting around on the mat. Somebody had placed their coat on one of the potties. Yuck. Yuck. YUCK. Nasty. What is really amazing is that I noticed that the trailer was from Oklahoma. I used a mapping program and determined the shortest distance possible to the Oklahoma border is 2100 miles. Oh my. Somebody drove well over 2000 miles with two porta potties in tow. Nasty, eewwww. Then they get here and party around the potties. Eeeeeeewwwwwww.
This campground is full of US citizens. Wisconsin and Minnesota are the usual license plates. I did see plates from Florida, Ohio, Missouri, Texas, and Oklahoma (this is The Potty Peoples' Honey Wagon). We are about sixty miles north of the US/Canadian border.
We are staying here for another day and leaving on Saturday. We should be in the US on Saturday. We haven't had a chance to go fishing here but will do so tomorrow. We're renting a boat and will motor around a while. Of course we're taking the puppies as Monty loves to go for boat rides. We'll see tomorrow how much fishing goes on.
Al
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Campgrounds, Potty People, Bovines--Sioux Narrows, ON AgainJuly 14, 2010
Edit: I was reminded that bovines are cows. I forgot. Swine are pigs. So sue me.
Walter arrived in Regina, SK, Canada yesterday a few hours late but intact. Deb stayed in Naicam, as planned, with her parents and will fly home the same day Walter and I arrive in Raleigh. That day should be July 24th. Walter brought me the replacement stabilizer controller and The Love Boat's stabilizers are working again. I will wait to discuss Walter's plane ride for a few days until we are back in the US. Enough said for now.
Walter and I left Regina, SK around noon yesterday and drove until we reached The Shady Oaks RV Resort in Sidney, Manitoba. We picked that sorry campground because we could get a site that didn't require us to disconnect The Crapper. The term for that type of site is pull-thru and is rare in government parks. Manitoba has lots of provincial campgrounds that are nice but don't usually have pull-thru sites. We drove until almost dark and really didn't want to setup in the dark. We had to install the stabilizer controller, thus we picked The Shady Oaks RV Resort. This placed sucked. Somebody misspelled the name of the place as the "ad" in the name should have been "itt". The owners of this "campground" charged for stuff that is always free in other campgrounds--many things. The owners of Poopy Oak RV Last Resort advertised an indoor pool on this huge sign that we saw from the road. Yep, they did have an indoor pool, but it was in a shack out in a field. The shack was something you would expect to see on J.D. Clampett's place in Bugtussle. A place J.D. Clampett used to house farm animals like pigs. Sooooo-eeeee. Let's go swimming. Forget that.
We drove all day today and arrived a few hours ago in Sioux Narrow, ON. Yes ,this is the same place Deb and I stayed in on our way to Naicam, SK. We (Walter and I) arrived in the pouring rain and got a campsite on the water near where Deb and I stayed a week or so ago. We pulled up into the road in front of our campsite and decided to disconnect The Crapper from the motorhome in the road. The rain was pouring down, so I put on a poncho rainsuit and left Walter in The Love Boat with the puppies--it was thundering and the puppies were not happy. So, I got out and got the toad bag which is a bag that contains the stuff I need to disconnect The Crapper (PT Cruiser) from The Love Boat (motorhome). This bag is where you I keep the locks and pins for the hitch. So, I disconnected The Crapper and put up the hitch and walked around the back of The Crapper. I had the hitch bag in my right hand and The Crapper keys in my left hand. What I should mention here is that I've lost some weight during this trip. I haven't lost a great deal of weight but enough to make my clothes loose. Now remember, I had on the poncho, the hitch bag was in my right hand and The Crapper keys were in my left hand as I walked around the back of The Crapper. Yeah baby, you might have guessed what happened. That's right, in a split second, my shorts fell down and landed around my ankles. I was standing in the road of a crowded campground with my drawers around my ankles holding the hitch bag and car keys while wearing a poncho. I looked down at my drawers, started laughing, sat the bag and keys on the ground, and somewhat hurriedly pulled up my drawers. I was laughing so hard I didn't even look around to see who saw me. As a matter of fact, I really didn't care who saw what happened as the damage was done. Opening night of The Southern Boy was a smashing success.
A few days ago I posted a picture of the dual potties at a campsite in the Sioux Narrows, ON campground from our last visit. The reviews of the photos from people that read this blog have been hilarious. As you now know, I am back in the same campground. So, I wondered if the potties are still there. A little while ago, Walter and I walked past the same camper and one potty was missing and the mat that the potties sat on was in disarray. Now where did the missing potty go? We are curious and will explore the situation tomorrow. The Potty People's campsite is a few campsites down from ours. I guess the neighbors that saw my drawers fall down are acclimated to the events happening at The Potty People's campsite and thought I was visiting The Potty People or something.
Yesterday, while driving from Naicam to Regina to pickup Walter, I saw a barn that had large letters advertising a website that I assumed was for pig farmers--I assumed. The sign said BovineClassifieds.com. At the time I assumed BovineClassifieds.com was a website similar to Craigslist.com but instead for cows. I guess BovineClassifieds.com wasn't such a good idea as the website no longer exists. Who would have guessed that such a good idea would not succeed? Maybe BovineClassifieds.com was intended to be a website with visions of a paid online dating service like Eharmony.com except for cows. I guess the inventors of BovineClassifieds thought Ecowmany.com was too silly--not me though. I'll betcha (see I still remember Sault Sainte Marie) whomever paid to be on Ehogmany.com stayed at The Shady Oaks RV Resort and used the "indoor pool". Moooo.
We will be in Sioux Narrows until Friday and should be back in the US somewhere Friday night. We plan to be in Chicago on Sunday night.
Al
Walter arrived in Regina, SK, Canada yesterday a few hours late but intact. Deb stayed in Naicam, as planned, with her parents and will fly home the same day Walter and I arrive in Raleigh. That day should be July 24th. Walter brought me the replacement stabilizer controller and The Love Boat's stabilizers are working again. I will wait to discuss Walter's plane ride for a few days until we are back in the US. Enough said for now.
Walter and I left Regina, SK around noon yesterday and drove until we reached The Shady Oaks RV Resort in Sidney, Manitoba. We picked that sorry campground because we could get a site that didn't require us to disconnect The Crapper. The term for that type of site is pull-thru and is rare in government parks. Manitoba has lots of provincial campgrounds that are nice but don't usually have pull-thru sites. We drove until almost dark and really didn't want to setup in the dark. We had to install the stabilizer controller, thus we picked The Shady Oaks RV Resort. This placed sucked. Somebody misspelled the name of the place as the "ad" in the name should have been "itt". The owners of this "campground" charged for stuff that is always free in other campgrounds--many things. The owners of Poopy Oak RV Last Resort advertised an indoor pool on this huge sign that we saw from the road. Yep, they did have an indoor pool, but it was in a shack out in a field. The shack was something you would expect to see on J.D. Clampett's place in Bugtussle. A place J.D. Clampett used to house farm animals like pigs. Sooooo-eeeee. Let's go swimming. Forget that.
We drove all day today and arrived a few hours ago in Sioux Narrow, ON. Yes ,this is the same place Deb and I stayed in on our way to Naicam, SK. We (Walter and I) arrived in the pouring rain and got a campsite on the water near where Deb and I stayed a week or so ago. We pulled up into the road in front of our campsite and decided to disconnect The Crapper from the motorhome in the road. The rain was pouring down, so I put on a poncho rainsuit and left Walter in The Love Boat with the puppies--it was thundering and the puppies were not happy. So, I got out and got the toad bag which is a bag that contains the stuff I need to disconnect The Crapper (PT Cruiser) from The Love Boat (motorhome). This bag is where you I keep the locks and pins for the hitch. So, I disconnected The Crapper and put up the hitch and walked around the back of The Crapper. I had the hitch bag in my right hand and The Crapper keys in my left hand. What I should mention here is that I've lost some weight during this trip. I haven't lost a great deal of weight but enough to make my clothes loose. Now remember, I had on the poncho, the hitch bag was in my right hand and The Crapper keys were in my left hand as I walked around the back of The Crapper. Yeah baby, you might have guessed what happened. That's right, in a split second, my shorts fell down and landed around my ankles. I was standing in the road of a crowded campground with my drawers around my ankles holding the hitch bag and car keys while wearing a poncho. I looked down at my drawers, started laughing, sat the bag and keys on the ground, and somewhat hurriedly pulled up my drawers. I was laughing so hard I didn't even look around to see who saw me. As a matter of fact, I really didn't care who saw what happened as the damage was done. Opening night of The Southern Boy was a smashing success.
A few days ago I posted a picture of the dual potties at a campsite in the Sioux Narrows, ON campground from our last visit. The reviews of the photos from people that read this blog have been hilarious. As you now know, I am back in the same campground. So, I wondered if the potties are still there. A little while ago, Walter and I walked past the same camper and one potty was missing and the mat that the potties sat on was in disarray. Now where did the missing potty go? We are curious and will explore the situation tomorrow. The Potty People's campsite is a few campsites down from ours. I guess the neighbors that saw my drawers fall down are acclimated to the events happening at The Potty People's campsite and thought I was visiting The Potty People or something.
Yesterday, while driving from Naicam to Regina to pickup Walter, I saw a barn that had large letters advertising a website that I assumed was for pig farmers--I assumed. The sign said BovineClassifieds.com. At the time I assumed BovineClassifieds.com was a website similar to Craigslist.com but instead for cows. I guess BovineClassifieds.com wasn't such a good idea as the website no longer exists. Who would have guessed that such a good idea would not succeed? Maybe BovineClassifieds.com was intended to be a website with visions of a paid online dating service like Eharmony.com except for cows. I guess the inventors of BovineClassifieds thought Ecowmany.com was too silly--not me though. I'll betcha (see I still remember Sault Sainte Marie) whomever paid to be on Ehogmany.com stayed at The Shady Oaks RV Resort and used the "indoor pool". Moooo.
We will be in Sioux Narrows until Friday and should be back in the US somewhere Friday night. We plan to be in Chicago on Sunday night.
Al
Monday, July 12, 2010
Pics of Sioux Narrows, ON and The Wieners
Monty (left) and Riley riding under the First Mate's legs in The Love Boat. Click on the images to make them expand.
Sundown at our campsite in Sioux Narrows.
Daytime picture of our campsite in Sioux Narrows, ON.
Deb took this picture of another campsite in Sioux Narrows. This campsite looks quite ominous. I'm glad we were not parked next to them. Note there are two of those things. His and hers? Yuck. Note this is in front of the boat dock.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Mosquitos, Marjorette, Carwash, Moose Calls--July 11, 2010 Naicam, SK
Oh my where do I start? I haven't updated in a few days and boy did the topics stack up. I need to offload some of the more funny stuff, or I might break something in my head.
My routine here in Naicam is about the same, I get up, shave, bathe, and put on Saskatchewan Aftershave. Saskatchewan Aftershave is commonly called Deepwoods Off Insect Repellent. Good Lord, mosquitoes are the provincial bird here and are plentiful. If you stand still without bug spray more than five seconds, the mosquitoes will suck out your brains and turn you into a democrat (little d is intended here). We all know we don't need more liberals, so I usually spray myself twice just in case.
Naicam, had a town homecoming this weekend. The planners had all kinds of activities scheduled but the most interesting event was the parade. The majorette that headed up the parade looked about eighty years old and was all decked out in a majorette's outfit. I'm pretty sure she made her outfit, because majorette outfits don't come with underwire bras and suphose. This woman was twirling and flipping and spinning like crazy which really impressed me. Now you haven't lived until you've seen a majorette that performed on The Mayflower. She really did a good job of twirling that baton. Really, I was impressed. But what do I know? Further in the parade, there was a float from the soccer club. It was a truck pulling a large farm trailer with a fence around it similar to what you would see on a sidewalk. Inside the fence were several kids kicking around a soccer ball. Yep, I said kids standing up kicking a soccer ball as part of the parade. I just knew the trailer would lunge and junior would do a half-gainer off over the fence and get ran over by the antique tractor that followed him in the precession. What was really horrible, was I waited through the entire parade and Santa was not at the end of it. That's how Deb got me to go by promising me that Santa was at the end of it. Fibber, fibber, fibber. Next time I want to drive one of those antique tractors. I could get a megaphone and speak Southern to crowd which would be entertaining to them I'm sure.
Another activity that I attended this weekend was a homecoming church service in Naicam's school auditorium. The service was pretty much a standard service that you would find in about any church in the US or Canada. What was really notable were two things. First there was a woman that sat behind me that sang really, really loud and poorly. The Bible says "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord" not "Make a grunting and dying gorilla call unto the Lord." Deb and I got to laughing so hard that I was afraid my mother-in-law was going to smack both of us on the back of our heads. I would like to smack the person that told that woman her moose mating calls were singing. Then it dawned on me. What a great joke to play . All you have to do is convince her that she is talented and should broadcast her yelping dog voice for the entire congregation. Then the jokester could set in the back row and laugh at the people wincing in agony that are sitting in front of Moose Mating Call Woman. Somebody played a brilliant joke on The Southern Boy. I'm just glad Monty and Riley were not there. They would have been howling along with Moose Mating Call Woman which would have earned them a smack from my mother-in-law too. The second thing that was notable about the service was that this auditorium had air conditioning and a rather robust air conditioner at that. The temperature was set to the Summer in the South setting instead of Summer in Canada setting. You have never heard so much complaining about being cold in your life. The only comfortable person in the whole auditorium was The Southern Boy, deaf but comfortable. I think air conditioner reform in Canada was setback years today. Then it dawned on me, the AC was part of the joke. What a brilliant prank.
We went to the local carwash tonight. It is located in the town called Spalding, SK which is a relatively short drive away. Now, you are wondering why I would mention a carwash. Right.? And the reason is that the carwash was located on a dirt road. A really dusty dirt road too. I had to think about the situation for a minute. If I washed the car, it would be wet and attract dirt from the road on the trip out which would negate the act of washing it. So, I washed it, and it emerged from the dirt road cleaner than when it entered. Who would have guessed that? Believe me, I tried to turn this paragraph into a democrat joke but couldn't. I'll try harder in the future.
Well that is all for today. I have other stuff to talk about but not today. Monty, Riley, and myself leave Naicam on Tuesday and pick up Walter for the trip home. I'm just sorry that I didn't record Moose Mating Call Woman so I could pull the same joke on Walter. Oh well, there will be other opportunities in the next couple of weeks.
I'll write more tomorrow if my hearing returns.
Al
My routine here in Naicam is about the same, I get up, shave, bathe, and put on Saskatchewan Aftershave. Saskatchewan Aftershave is commonly called Deepwoods Off Insect Repellent. Good Lord, mosquitoes are the provincial bird here and are plentiful. If you stand still without bug spray more than five seconds, the mosquitoes will suck out your brains and turn you into a democrat (little d is intended here). We all know we don't need more liberals, so I usually spray myself twice just in case.
Naicam, had a town homecoming this weekend. The planners had all kinds of activities scheduled but the most interesting event was the parade. The majorette that headed up the parade looked about eighty years old and was all decked out in a majorette's outfit. I'm pretty sure she made her outfit, because majorette outfits don't come with underwire bras and suphose. This woman was twirling and flipping and spinning like crazy which really impressed me. Now you haven't lived until you've seen a majorette that performed on The Mayflower. She really did a good job of twirling that baton. Really, I was impressed. But what do I know? Further in the parade, there was a float from the soccer club. It was a truck pulling a large farm trailer with a fence around it similar to what you would see on a sidewalk. Inside the fence were several kids kicking around a soccer ball. Yep, I said kids standing up kicking a soccer ball as part of the parade. I just knew the trailer would lunge and junior would do a half-gainer off over the fence and get ran over by the antique tractor that followed him in the precession. What was really horrible, was I waited through the entire parade and Santa was not at the end of it. That's how Deb got me to go by promising me that Santa was at the end of it. Fibber, fibber, fibber. Next time I want to drive one of those antique tractors. I could get a megaphone and speak Southern to crowd which would be entertaining to them I'm sure.
Another activity that I attended this weekend was a homecoming church service in Naicam's school auditorium. The service was pretty much a standard service that you would find in about any church in the US or Canada. What was really notable were two things. First there was a woman that sat behind me that sang really, really loud and poorly. The Bible says "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord" not "Make a grunting and dying gorilla call unto the Lord." Deb and I got to laughing so hard that I was afraid my mother-in-law was going to smack both of us on the back of our heads. I would like to smack the person that told that woman her moose mating calls were singing. Then it dawned on me. What a great joke to play . All you have to do is convince her that she is talented and should broadcast her yelping dog voice for the entire congregation. Then the jokester could set in the back row and laugh at the people wincing in agony that are sitting in front of Moose Mating Call Woman. Somebody played a brilliant joke on The Southern Boy. I'm just glad Monty and Riley were not there. They would have been howling along with Moose Mating Call Woman which would have earned them a smack from my mother-in-law too. The second thing that was notable about the service was that this auditorium had air conditioning and a rather robust air conditioner at that. The temperature was set to the Summer in the South setting instead of Summer in Canada setting. You have never heard so much complaining about being cold in your life. The only comfortable person in the whole auditorium was The Southern Boy, deaf but comfortable. I think air conditioner reform in Canada was setback years today. Then it dawned on me, the AC was part of the joke. What a brilliant prank.
We went to the local carwash tonight. It is located in the town called Spalding, SK which is a relatively short drive away. Now, you are wondering why I would mention a carwash. Right.? And the reason is that the carwash was located on a dirt road. A really dusty dirt road too. I had to think about the situation for a minute. If I washed the car, it would be wet and attract dirt from the road on the trip out which would negate the act of washing it. So, I washed it, and it emerged from the dirt road cleaner than when it entered. Who would have guessed that? Believe me, I tried to turn this paragraph into a democrat joke but couldn't. I'll try harder in the future.
Well that is all for today. I have other stuff to talk about but not today. Monty, Riley, and myself leave Naicam on Tuesday and pick up Walter for the trip home. I'm just sorry that I didn't record Moose Mating Call Woman so I could pull the same joke on Walter. Oh well, there will be other opportunities in the next couple of weeks.
I'll write more tomorrow if my hearing returns.
Al
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Grandma's House, Aardvarks, Walter--Naicam, SK July 08, 2010
The weather in Naicam, SK has been nice. The days are usually low 70s and low 60s at night. There has been a lot or rain here. This area is primarily farming and the crops are in trouble due to an overabundance of rain. But I've heard about the temperatures in Raleigh being so horrible. I saw a news report that said Toronto was having an awful time with the heat. Their temperatures were 10-12 degrees less than Raleigh's which was causing their heads to explode. Thousands upon thousands of Torono folks heads exploded. If they understood AC they would still have their heads but that is not the case. Oh well, in Raleigh we are used to the heat and sort of expect it. I don't miss the heat, but I do miss my bed.
The puppies are doing great. They have been to Grandma's house before. When we got here, the puppies remembered Grandma's house and were happy to be out of the motorhome. Grandma's house has lots of places for them to explore. The Love Boat is moored in the backyard of Deb's parent's house. They like going between The Love Boat and the house. This is puppy heaven--no heat and lots of attention.
We went to Dairy Queen yesterday during a trip to the town 35 miles from Naicam. Deb wanted to go to Dairy Queen. Good lord. I said fine and pulled in the parking lot and refused to go through the drive-thru. I saw no need to perform for the locals like I had to in Neepawa. So we went inside. Deb's Dad sat at a table and Deb and I went to the counter. Of course there were kids manning the store. So, we went up to one of the kids and order. I told the girl I wanted chocolate ice cream. The kid looks at me and said, "We can't serve chocolate. It is only allowed in aardvarks". I looked at Deb and she didn't understand the kid either and asked her to repeat herself. Again the kid said you could only get chocolate in aardvarks. Deb said she understood the kid the second time. There are several cultural differences between Raleigh and Canada. However, I know the only aardvarks in Canada are in zoos. No, there are no aardvark crossing signs like you find with moose. The puppies might like to play with an aardvark but there aren't any here even though you can only get chocolate in aardvarks at Dairy Queen. So, I just whistled and walked away. I've learned not to ask questions. But low and behold, Deb brought up the subject while we were eating the synthetic, vanilla iced product that Dairy Queen dispenses. Deb said she had a hard time understanding the kid at the counter and that the kid said you could only get chocolate in arcades. Now that is an outright fib. The kid said you could only get chocolate in aardvarks. I heard the kid say it two times. Deb likes to fabricate stuff.
The trip up here has been tough on The Love Boat. We had several things fail. Most of the failures I can attribute to rough roads. Ohio, Michigan, Ontario .... were especially rough and bumpy. We went to California in November and returned in January and had zero failures. Nada. The vibration of the rough roads has taken it toll on The Love Boat. I had to have parts flown into Raleigh that Walter is bringing up next week, because I can't get them locally. Which brings me to the next subject.
You may remember Walter from the trip home from California in January. Walter flew to Texas and Deb flew home, because Deb needed to go to work before we could get home. Walter loves this stuff so much he is flying into Regina, SK on Tuesday. Deb is staying here until the end of July, and Walter and I are bringing the motorhome back to Raleigh. The Love Boat sails on Tuesday when Walter arrives. We will arrive in Raleigh near the end of the month. The puppies are coming with us, and they like Walter a lot. I've bought some neat fishing gear for us and plan for us to fish in Sioux Narrows on the way home. That should be quite a story. We are planning to rent a boat and the puppies will go out with us.
I'm really tired today and can't seem to find funny stuff to talk about. I'll reboot and will have more to say tomorrow. Bye for now.
Al
The puppies are doing great. They have been to Grandma's house before. When we got here, the puppies remembered Grandma's house and were happy to be out of the motorhome. Grandma's house has lots of places for them to explore. The Love Boat is moored in the backyard of Deb's parent's house. They like going between The Love Boat and the house. This is puppy heaven--no heat and lots of attention.
We went to Dairy Queen yesterday during a trip to the town 35 miles from Naicam. Deb wanted to go to Dairy Queen. Good lord. I said fine and pulled in the parking lot and refused to go through the drive-thru. I saw no need to perform for the locals like I had to in Neepawa. So we went inside. Deb's Dad sat at a table and Deb and I went to the counter. Of course there were kids manning the store. So, we went up to one of the kids and order. I told the girl I wanted chocolate ice cream. The kid looks at me and said, "We can't serve chocolate. It is only allowed in aardvarks". I looked at Deb and she didn't understand the kid either and asked her to repeat herself. Again the kid said you could only get chocolate in aardvarks. Deb said she understood the kid the second time. There are several cultural differences between Raleigh and Canada. However, I know the only aardvarks in Canada are in zoos. No, there are no aardvark crossing signs like you find with moose. The puppies might like to play with an aardvark but there aren't any here even though you can only get chocolate in aardvarks at Dairy Queen. So, I just whistled and walked away. I've learned not to ask questions. But low and behold, Deb brought up the subject while we were eating the synthetic, vanilla iced product that Dairy Queen dispenses. Deb said she had a hard time understanding the kid at the counter and that the kid said you could only get chocolate in arcades. Now that is an outright fib. The kid said you could only get chocolate in aardvarks. I heard the kid say it two times. Deb likes to fabricate stuff.
The trip up here has been tough on The Love Boat. We had several things fail. Most of the failures I can attribute to rough roads. Ohio, Michigan, Ontario .... were especially rough and bumpy. We went to California in November and returned in January and had zero failures. Nada. The vibration of the rough roads has taken it toll on The Love Boat. I had to have parts flown into Raleigh that Walter is bringing up next week, because I can't get them locally. Which brings me to the next subject.
You may remember Walter from the trip home from California in January. Walter flew to Texas and Deb flew home, because Deb needed to go to work before we could get home. Walter loves this stuff so much he is flying into Regina, SK on Tuesday. Deb is staying here until the end of July, and Walter and I are bringing the motorhome back to Raleigh. The Love Boat sails on Tuesday when Walter arrives. We will arrive in Raleigh near the end of the month. The puppies are coming with us, and they like Walter a lot. I've bought some neat fishing gear for us and plan for us to fish in Sioux Narrows on the way home. That should be quite a story. We are planning to rent a boat and the puppies will go out with us.
I'm really tired today and can't seem to find funny stuff to talk about. I'll reboot and will have more to say tomorrow. Bye for now.
Al
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Flooding, Dancing Southern Boy, Dairy Queen--Naicam, SK July 06, 2010
Ok, internet connections for the last two days have not been as plentiful as I would like. We left Sioux Narrows, Ontario on July 4, 2010 and drove to Neepawa, Manitoba. Then, we finished the drive to Naicam, Saskatchewan today. In total about 625 miles. We traveled 2362 miles in The Love Boat since leaving Raleigh. Well, let's get down to business.
Remember the massive rainfall that happened in Sioux Narrows, ON? Two days after that rainfall we packed up and tried to leave the campground. Notice I said "tried" to leave. The rain had turned the ground into a muddy mess, and The Love Boat got stuck. I've gotten stuff stuck many times in my life. I stopped the tire spinning before The Love Boat dug to far in, then we carried gravel and threw it under the wheels which allowed us to pull out of the mud. The Love Boat's wheels and part of the undercarriage was pretty much covered in mud, and I was a little bummed that the mud was going to harden into pottery on the wheels. About three miles after we got out on the main highway, the road was flooded with about a foot of water from the same storm. The water was 200 feet or so wide. Past readers of the blog will remember that we can't back up The Love Boat with The Crapper in tow. For those that don't know what I am referring to, let's just say the front wheels on the towed car don't respond correctly when backing. So, we approached the water, and I stopped and thought for a few seconds. There were four things goings through my mind. First, the water was deep enough for us to get stuck and do massive damage. Second, I could not back up and there was not room to turn around. Third, if we could turn around the detour was likely several hundred miles. Fourth, I wanted to wash the mud off The Love Boat. So, as we sat there, we watched a couple other idiots ford the water. So, I got brave and drove The Love Boat and Crapper into the water. The water was deep but The Love Boat was high enough to ford one foot of water with no problem--as it turned out. I've done a lot of things crazy things since we started RVing ten years ago, but I have never forded one foot of water with an RV. The Love Boat sailed through the 200 feet long, one foot deep water just fine. Might I add I knew the water did not have a current flowing over the road and would not have tried this with a current flowing. Even The Crapper made it through fine. And you betcha, the mud on The Love Boat was gone. As the saying goes, God takes care of drunks, fools, and total idiots that drive their stupid motorhomes through Lake Sioux Narrows. Good times Yall.
We stopped for the night last night in Neepawa, MB as I just mentioned. This was a nice campground in the middle of nowhere. Last year before the California trip, Walter and I installed this neat device on The Love Boat that is basically just a wifi repeater. It has a big outside antenna that I crank up and a small router style device inside that amplifies wifi signals. It is quite impressive and can pick up wifi networks from up to a mile. In some campgrounds the wifi networks are located a long distance from your campsite and the repeater is necessary. We have used the repeater several times since leaving Raleigh on this trip. Did I mention that it picks up wifi signals up to a mile? Well, I cranked up the antenna in Neepawa, turned on the amplifier, and the repeater found no networks at all. Nada. Zip. At first I thought the repeater was bad. because this campground was in town and should have picked up something. But it didn't. Then it dawned on me that Neepawa had no wifi networks. Good lord, somebody needs to bring that town into the 21 century. Which brings me to the next topic.
Since we arrived in Manitoba and Saskatchewan (yes I can spell Saskatchewan from memory) several people have walked up to me and simply stated that we were a long way from home. Actually, these folks only wanted to talk to me. Correction, they wanted to hear this Southern boy speak Southern to them. You betcha (picked that saying up in Sault Sainte Marie), I am a walking, talking, Southern dancing bear of sorts. This has happened several times mind you . But I got a little rattled today when we stopped for gas (please don't get me started on the high price of gas in Canada). I was washing the huge bug guts off the windshield, when this guy walks up to me with a paper in his hand and states, "What is your purpose for being up here so far away from home?" At home the New York Yankees all would have freaked out and their heads would have exploded or something. To be totally truthful, at home if somebody walks up to you while pumping gas, it is usually a B.O. voter wanting you to give them money. But, I checked my self-defenses long enough to think the situation through. I kid you not, I actually did not speak for an uncomfortable length of time, because I needed time to reboot my head. A system overload had occurred, and this guy upset my karma something fierce. I'll have to return to the vortexes (ggrrr) in Sedona, AZ to reset my chakra now. If you don't know what that means, go into the archives and read the Sedona, AZ posts. Anyway, after the mind reboot, I decided this guy didn't vote for B.O. and was harmless. So, I told him we were going to Deb's parent's house to which he said, "that's a good enough reason". Well I was feeling all warm and snugly that I provided this esteemed gentleman with such a worthy answer. In actuality, he didn't care about why I was sitting in Godknowswhere, Manitoba, he just wanted the Southern boy dancing bear to talk Southern to him. You betcha. So, I did and made his day. I might as well be from Mars. "Yall take me to your leaders. Beep, beep". Geez Louise.
Deb wanted to go to Neepawa's Dairy Queen. Deb loves Dairy Queen and for the life of me I can't see why. But, I went with her to Dairy Queen. Now here is where the fun starts. We pulled into the parking lot, and I had to make a decision. Should I park and let Deb run in, or do I pull up to the drive-thru? I knew that if we went through the drive-thru there was going to be some Yalling and dancing of The Southern Boy. I just knew it. Deb says that we should go through the drive-thru, and I reluctantly said fine. Did I mention that this is where the fun starts? So, we pulled up to the magic board and the kid in the store said something that I didn't understand. I asked Deb what she wanted, and she didn't know, so I told the kid, "just a moment please". Well the kid heard banjo music playing from the drive-thru lane, and he knew that a Deliverance movie character had pulled into the Neepawa Dairy Queen. He said something else really fast that I didn't catch. Regardless, while Deb decided on her poison, I told Speaker Box Boy that I wanted a small, dipped, chocolate cone. He comes back with, "You want two hot dogs?" Of course, Deb told me that Speaker Box Boy couldn't understand me. I guess I had given too many performances that day and had worn out my Yaller mechanism. I totally discounted her notion, because I had spoken to him clearly and in my normal paced voice. He just couldn't hear me over the banjo music playing in his head. Deb told me again he couldn't understand my accent and that Dairy Queen didn't have chocolate ice cream. I knew that was nonsense, so I told Speaker Box Boy that Deb wanted a medium, vanilla cone. Speaker Box Boy said something that I couldn't understand, and I drove up to the window. Guess what? In a few moments, Speaker Box Boy emerged with Deb's cone, and a small, dipped, chocolate cone. Well La De Da. He did understand me. I gave Deb the I told you so look and left.
See Yall tomorrow.
Al
Remember the massive rainfall that happened in Sioux Narrows, ON? Two days after that rainfall we packed up and tried to leave the campground. Notice I said "tried" to leave. The rain had turned the ground into a muddy mess, and The Love Boat got stuck. I've gotten stuff stuck many times in my life. I stopped the tire spinning before The Love Boat dug to far in, then we carried gravel and threw it under the wheels which allowed us to pull out of the mud. The Love Boat's wheels and part of the undercarriage was pretty much covered in mud, and I was a little bummed that the mud was going to harden into pottery on the wheels. About three miles after we got out on the main highway, the road was flooded with about a foot of water from the same storm. The water was 200 feet or so wide. Past readers of the blog will remember that we can't back up The Love Boat with The Crapper in tow. For those that don't know what I am referring to, let's just say the front wheels on the towed car don't respond correctly when backing. So, we approached the water, and I stopped and thought for a few seconds. There were four things goings through my mind. First, the water was deep enough for us to get stuck and do massive damage. Second, I could not back up and there was not room to turn around. Third, if we could turn around the detour was likely several hundred miles. Fourth, I wanted to wash the mud off The Love Boat. So, as we sat there, we watched a couple other idiots ford the water. So, I got brave and drove The Love Boat and Crapper into the water. The water was deep but The Love Boat was high enough to ford one foot of water with no problem--as it turned out. I've done a lot of things crazy things since we started RVing ten years ago, but I have never forded one foot of water with an RV. The Love Boat sailed through the 200 feet long, one foot deep water just fine. Might I add I knew the water did not have a current flowing over the road and would not have tried this with a current flowing. Even The Crapper made it through fine. And you betcha, the mud on The Love Boat was gone. As the saying goes, God takes care of drunks, fools, and total idiots that drive their stupid motorhomes through Lake Sioux Narrows. Good times Yall.
We stopped for the night last night in Neepawa, MB as I just mentioned. This was a nice campground in the middle of nowhere. Last year before the California trip, Walter and I installed this neat device on The Love Boat that is basically just a wifi repeater. It has a big outside antenna that I crank up and a small router style device inside that amplifies wifi signals. It is quite impressive and can pick up wifi networks from up to a mile. In some campgrounds the wifi networks are located a long distance from your campsite and the repeater is necessary. We have used the repeater several times since leaving Raleigh on this trip. Did I mention that it picks up wifi signals up to a mile? Well, I cranked up the antenna in Neepawa, turned on the amplifier, and the repeater found no networks at all. Nada. Zip. At first I thought the repeater was bad. because this campground was in town and should have picked up something. But it didn't. Then it dawned on me that Neepawa had no wifi networks. Good lord, somebody needs to bring that town into the 21 century. Which brings me to the next topic.
Since we arrived in Manitoba and Saskatchewan (yes I can spell Saskatchewan from memory) several people have walked up to me and simply stated that we were a long way from home. Actually, these folks only wanted to talk to me. Correction, they wanted to hear this Southern boy speak Southern to them. You betcha (picked that saying up in Sault Sainte Marie), I am a walking, talking, Southern dancing bear of sorts. This has happened several times mind you . But I got a little rattled today when we stopped for gas (please don't get me started on the high price of gas in Canada). I was washing the huge bug guts off the windshield, when this guy walks up to me with a paper in his hand and states, "What is your purpose for being up here so far away from home?" At home the New York Yankees all would have freaked out and their heads would have exploded or something. To be totally truthful, at home if somebody walks up to you while pumping gas, it is usually a B.O. voter wanting you to give them money. But, I checked my self-defenses long enough to think the situation through. I kid you not, I actually did not speak for an uncomfortable length of time, because I needed time to reboot my head. A system overload had occurred, and this guy upset my karma something fierce. I'll have to return to the vortexes (ggrrr) in Sedona, AZ to reset my chakra now. If you don't know what that means, go into the archives and read the Sedona, AZ posts. Anyway, after the mind reboot, I decided this guy didn't vote for B.O. and was harmless. So, I told him we were going to Deb's parent's house to which he said, "that's a good enough reason". Well I was feeling all warm and snugly that I provided this esteemed gentleman with such a worthy answer. In actuality, he didn't care about why I was sitting in Godknowswhere, Manitoba, he just wanted the Southern boy dancing bear to talk Southern to him. You betcha. So, I did and made his day. I might as well be from Mars. "Yall take me to your leaders. Beep, beep". Geez Louise.
Deb wanted to go to Neepawa's Dairy Queen. Deb loves Dairy Queen and for the life of me I can't see why. But, I went with her to Dairy Queen. Now here is where the fun starts. We pulled into the parking lot, and I had to make a decision. Should I park and let Deb run in, or do I pull up to the drive-thru? I knew that if we went through the drive-thru there was going to be some Yalling and dancing of The Southern Boy. I just knew it. Deb says that we should go through the drive-thru, and I reluctantly said fine. Did I mention that this is where the fun starts? So, we pulled up to the magic board and the kid in the store said something that I didn't understand. I asked Deb what she wanted, and she didn't know, so I told the kid, "just a moment please". Well the kid heard banjo music playing from the drive-thru lane, and he knew that a Deliverance movie character had pulled into the Neepawa Dairy Queen. He said something else really fast that I didn't catch. Regardless, while Deb decided on her poison, I told Speaker Box Boy that I wanted a small, dipped, chocolate cone. He comes back with, "You want two hot dogs?" Of course, Deb told me that Speaker Box Boy couldn't understand me. I guess I had given too many performances that day and had worn out my Yaller mechanism. I totally discounted her notion, because I had spoken to him clearly and in my normal paced voice. He just couldn't hear me over the banjo music playing in his head. Deb told me again he couldn't understand my accent and that Dairy Queen didn't have chocolate ice cream. I knew that was nonsense, so I told Speaker Box Boy that Deb wanted a medium, vanilla cone. Speaker Box Boy said something that I couldn't understand, and I drove up to the window. Guess what? In a few moments, Speaker Box Boy emerged with Deb's cone, and a small, dipped, chocolate cone. Well La De Da. He did understand me. I gave Deb the I told you so look and left.
See Yall tomorrow.
Al
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