Alrighty then. It has been a while since I updated the blog. I am truly sorry that I forgot.
Now that I have groveled enough, I was asked to talk about the state fair. Oh goody, I could write a book on that subject. Deb wanted to go to the fair and as always we had to go on the night they let you in "free" if you bring four cans of food which is a great concept except we forgot to bring any cans of food. Now the ticket booths and entry points are always a treat for me. I view the admissions area as a funneling of foaming mouthed sheeple. Sheeple are people (humans I guess) that herd and act like sheep. Sheep will follow each other off the side of a cliff or so I am told. No, The Puppies do not have any sheep as pets, and my knowledge of sheep is limited to Hollywood like the rest of you. Anyway, the sheeple rush through the gates like it is feeding time and the farmers are dumping out the feed. Giant turkey legs and deep fried Oreos await. I guess in a metaphoric sense they are.
I adhere to a long standing tradition of trying to support the local businesses that operate at the fair. The money stays local and the carnies get money to not fix their teeth from someone else. If you listen to the idiot box (television), you think people loose their blooming onion minds when the fair is in town. Why would any sane person eat deep fried Oreos or for heavens sake, a Krispy Kreme hamburger? Clearly the answer is, they are victims of the herd mentality of sheeple (notice that is not capitalized on purpose because they don't deserve capitalization). Idiots.
So, we walked around the fair and we had dinner at Neomonde's stand. The cost was the same at Neomonde's market and none of it was deep fried. Was there a line at Neomonde's booth? Nope, but the line at the giant turkey legs was long. I can just see Peter Gros from Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom sneeking up on the Turkey Leg Idiots and whispering to the camera while pointing at the sheeple. "I have to stay back or the sheeple will trample me during their feeding frenzy. But I really would like to film the giant turkey legs, so I'm going to send in Jim". So, Jim Fowler would walk up to the booth and grab one of the huge turkey legs and swing it like a club to get away. I read on some local news website that the giant turkey legs come from turkeys that are fed a special meal to make them so huge. I wonder if they feed the giant turkeys giant turkey legs to make them that big. I really do have an enquiring mind.
After we had dinner standing up and getting it on my clothes, we decided to walk through the livestock area. Oh goody, I had swarma stains on my shirt now I was going to have sheep poo on my shoes, and I eventually fulfilled that prophecy. Deb wanted to see the sheep, so all I had to do was turn my head until I smelled them and away we went. We walked around the sheep and several of them looked like Monty and Riley when they were young. Next, we headed toward the cattle exhibit. Now why does a sane person walk around a cattle exhibit? Answer, because his wife wants to walk around the cattle exhibit. So,we did. This exhibit was somewhat crowded and we walked through the main aisle until this woman jumped up in my face holding out her arms. I reached back to grab my switchblade when I realized I didn't own a switchblade, so I had to be tolerant of her. This woman said and I kid you not, "Watch out. Cow coming through" just as a cow was being led through the crowd. It kind of reminded me of the guys that wave the flags that precede the forklift at Lowe's. We jumped off to the side not wanting to be trampled in a cow stampede as Bessy The Cow sauntered by on her way back to her pen. This was clearly a case of sheeple leading the cow. I am sure there is a joke in there somewhere which I will reserve for a later date.
We left there and went to the building where the state agencies had their displays. Don't ask me why state agencies need to advertise but they did. We were walking past the highway patrol exhibit when Deb saw this decal of a highway patrol badge. Deb grabbed one and put it on her shirt, and the rest of the night she kept trying to handcuff and taser me. Well, I care as much for being tasered as I do eating giant turkey legs. Deb was determined that I was going to have fun regardless. Some people lets authority go to their head. It ain't going to happen and it didn't.
I forgot to talk about the carnies. It is always fun to walk past the rides and see the person that is operating the rides. It amazes me that people with children will pay money to put Buffy and Jody onto a ride controlled by a person they tell their kids to stay away from. Evidently part of the fun is having a drunk meth head at the helm which heightens one's pleasure of being whirled around at vomit inducing speeds. Buffy and Jody do love the Jim Beam Crack-O-Whirl and the fair only comes around once a year. The only thing Buffy and Jody would like better would be the NASCAR Jim Beam Crack-O-Whirl. I wouldn't let these carnies operate a shovel much less let them put me on The Mechanical Spiral of Death. It ain't going to happen and it didn't.
To finish off our evening of pure glee, we stopped by the booth where the dairy department of NCSU sells ice cream. The ice cream is great but the line was 30 minutes long. Of course, we had to have ice cream. So, we did. I then added an ice cream stain to the swarma stain on my shirt which accompanied the cow, sheep, and turkey poo on my shoes. Boy, did I ever have fun.
Christmas is approaching and our Christmas display will be magnificent this year. Email me for a link to my Christmas display website.
Bye for now,
Al
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