The Road Runner, Priscilla Queen of the Desert--Palm Springs, CA Dec 29, 2011

We bought the "new" diesel motorhome. I said new simply because it will be new to us, but the new motorhome is a few years old and no it ain't old enough to have an eight track tape player. But get this, its odometer reads 7000 miles.  We actually will receive it next week. It has most of the features that we really wanted, and is a little older than I wanted, but we thought it was a good replacement for The Love Boat. We don't know what to call it yet, so I am going to call it The Road Runner until I find a better name for it. The name The Road Runner came to us during a walk yesterday when we actually saw a road runner.  The name likely will change in the coming weeks. Walter and Melissa from Raleigh are flying to Palm Springs to help us bring the motorhomes to Raleighwood.  You remember Walter as the young man that has traveled with us a few times.  I guess we will have us  a convey there good buddy.  Here are a few pictures of The Road Runner (dang that name will change).

No, the cheesy table on the bed was added by the dealer to entice nitwits.   I won't bore you with the details, but I will say the new motorhome is seven feet longer than The Love Boat, and has almost three times the torque of The Love Boat with only a weight gain of 50%. All of the engineers that read this blog will know what that last sentence means. Basically, The Road Runner has a great deal more pulling and vehicle passing power, and it will have at least 50% better fuel mileage. For the democrats that read this blog who are skeptical of the truth, you know who you are because your lips are moving as you read this, yes the thing will get better fuel economy due to it being a diesel. If you don't believe me please readjust your tinfoil cap as it is too tight.

We are having a few things changed on The Road Runner, because it is cheaper to have that kind of work done here than it Raleighwood.  First, we are having some repainting done where a few scratches are present. Second, we are having the carpeting replaced which is tremendously expensive in NC due to the labor.  The Road Runner will look almost new.  Enough talk about the stupid motorhome. What you guys want to know about is what nitwit did I run into.

Let's just say that I did almost run into a nitwit.  Last night I was walking from The Love Boat to my in-laws place (Deb and The Puppies were already there) which is a couple/three blocks away. I cut through the park to shorten the trip instead of walking around the road which is a little longer.  Anyway, I had to walk past the laundry which has a large walkway beside it. Here is a picture and please note the curb on the right of the walkway and the open entrance in the center of the picture but at the end of the building.

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As I said, I was walking down this path along the right side of the path. I was actually a foot from the curb. Well, out walks Priscilla, Queen of the Desert at a somewhat hurried pace from the entrance that I just pointed out. I should add that Priscilla was about a foot shorter than me in height.  The nitwit walked at a diagonal headed to the curb where The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy was walking, jabbering about something that was said for my benefit. Then Priscilla hurriedly cut between me and the curb jabbering some idjit nonsense. Again, I was about a foot from the curb.  What got me was when Priscilla looked up at me--jabbering the entire time--and gave The Big Ole Dumb Heterosexual Southern Boy a look like he had met his next next mattress polo partner. I was appalled and fairly irritated that he cut in front of me but being flirtatious was a lot to process with my limited brain capacity, so I just growled at him.   The equivalent scenario would have me walking up to a mama bear after kicking her cub and telling the mama bear that she would look wonderful adorning my boudoir.  Believe you me,  I thought about dropkicking Priscilla through his goalposts of life, but I didn't and kept walking.  Meanwhile Priscilla was jabbering and looking back at me as I was walking away. Again, I would equate that to me yelling at the mama bear who was walking away, "Come back and give me some good loving baby". Jumping gee willikers.  The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy has no desires to switch teams--end of subject.

Yall have a great day.
Al

Sunny Day, Christmas Dinner, Dog Tricks--Palm Springs Dec 26, 2011

The weather in Palm Springs was beautiful yesterday. The day was bright and sunny with the temperature about 100 degrees hotter than the weather has been for the last three weeks. I would venture to say that the weather change is about par for the course  since we are leaving to go home in the next week, and it will be cold in Raleighwood. Poor Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy. Boo hoo. Yeah right.

I'm going to break a rule of mine and talk about a family gathering.  I normally refrain from such practices but will this once. Deb and I had dinner at her uncle's house yesterday (Christmas Day) along with a dozen or so of Deb's family.   Deb's uncle invited a couple friends of his for dinner that sort of knew me from a dinner that we attended a couple years ago. The gentleman decided to be funny and tell Southern jokes clearly at my expense. The gentleman certainly didn't know about my switchblade wit that I carry around with me everywhere but usually holster to keep from being jabbed by my wife for attacking lightly armored class clowns.  Let's just say my wit requires a concealed weapons permit to carry.  Anyway, this gentleman poked the Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy a few times trying to get a rise out of this uneducated, inbred simpleton. Deb heard what was going on and had her poker pulled back and armed like a Canadian trebuchet, but I didn't give her the opportunity to use it. Now you know I had several opportunities to reach into my backpocket and pull out my witblade but Deb was within optimal poking distance, besides I didn't want to make the gentleman cry in front of his plasticized wife.  Accordingly, the gentleman went home without a clawed and jelly-like psyche. The Puppies heard the jokes and didn't find them funny either because they are Southerners too. The Puppies wanted to pee on his leg-- let's just say great minds think alike. But they didn't and I didn't and somebody will likely write a Christmas song to commemorate the event.

After dinner Deb did her dog tricks starring The Puppies along with their cousin puppy Dexter. Deb had The Puppies perform tricks like chasing their tails and lying down.  Deb would hold up food over their heads and the dogs would do exactly what she wanted. They might not have liked the trick but did it because they wanted the doggie biscuit. The Big Ole Dumb, Inbred, Simpleton Southern Boy watched the tricks and thought about the situation for a moment and decided that we should do something similar with money for the folks on welfare. We could hold money over their head and say, "Get a job, get a job".  We could also do that with Democrats too, "Get a clue, get a clue".  Then you pat them on the head and tell them to shut up and go off.   Monty doesn't find this metaphor very funny.


That is all for today. I hope your Christmas was good and Santa didn't poop down your chimney.
Al

Lutefisk, Elmer Fudd --Palm Springs Dec 25, 2011

Well Deb and her family had their Christmas Eve tradition last night of eating lutefisk. It is a white fish that is dried, then reconstituted with water and lye. Yes I said lye.  No, Big Ole Dumb Southern Boys don't and won't eat fish soaked in lye.   I read where lutefisk permanently stains sterling silverware so stainless steel is required. Do you think it could be the lye that ruins silver? Geez Louise. 

The Puppies are having a blast walking on the trail near our park. Monty loves chasing or rather trying to chase rabbits that are plentiful during the walk. We saw about 20 or more the other day many being in packs. Monty reminds me of Elmer Fudd sneaking up on the rabbits. He tiptoes up to a good viewpoint then looks back at us with an evil smile then turns back to pounce on the rabbit pack. Of course, he is on a leash and can't reach them but he tries snorting and scratching the entire time.   The Puppies have a blast on their walks.


I've watched A Christmas Story just about all day on TV.  I love this movie. I have a miniature version of the leg lamp on the dash of The Love Boat.  It really does remind me of Christmas at my parents when I was a Little Ole Dumb Southern Boy.   Several of the things that are mentioned in the movie are considered child abuse today such as spanking, washing the kids mouth with soap, cursing around the children, etc. How did this go from being normal behavior to funny to being child abuse in my lifetime?

We may be leaving to go home on Saturday if we don't buy a new motorhome that we looked at in Phoenix. This motorhome is bigger and has a big diesel motor. If we do buy it then we will stay a while longer getting some work performed on it. We shall see in a few days.

Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy and Healthy New Year to you too.
Al

Engrish, Porch Supports. Libbbbrrrrllls--Palm Springs, Dec 22, 2011

I order a bunch of stuff directly from from factories in China. I usually have someone with Engrish skills that I can converse with by email. Today I got an email from one of my suppliers. Sometimes the Engrish translation just doesn't quite make it through the universal translator. Below is the email I got from my supplier. Let's just say I was touched.

Hello,Dear manager, Merry Christmas and happy New Year! This is ( NAME WITHHELD) , we manufacture stage lighting. The Christmas and New Year holiday is coming near once again. We would like to extend our warm wishes for the upcoming holiday season and would like to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. May your New Year be filled with special moment, warmth, peace and happiness, the joy of covered ones near, and wishing you all the joys of Christmas and a year of happiness. It's my honor to contact with you before, and my duty is to give you our best products and excellent service.Hope the next year is a prosperous and harvest year for both of us! Best wishes (NAME WITHHELD)  Export manager Well dern. I was worried about my uncovered ones being near. Now here is the fun part. Did she mean covered by  BO Health Care that the Libbbbrrrrllllls rammed down our throat, or did she mean the dead love ones buried in my backyard?  Now, what about the phrase "...harvest year for both of us"? I think she meant a fruitful year for both of us. Wikipedia says, "... harvest marks the end of the growing season, or the growing cycle for a particular crop, and social importance of this event makes it the focus of seasonal celebrations such as a harvest festival..."  I thought about this sentence a moment then I used my powerful brain to figure out that she was referring to the end of the libbbrrlll cycle for us and communism for her.  I was giddy as a school girl. Yes, I will keep my buried love ones near and will be thankful for the end of libbbrrrrrrlllls.  Merry Christmas to us one and all. I was working on the wrought iron porch supports on my in-laws house today and a neighbor, Paige, came by to look at the supports. Paige is Canadian  just like my in-laws and Deb for that matter. Paige, Deb, and myself were looking at the porch supports that usually have big letter "S" figures between two small support that look like this.  I had earlier removed the "S" figures between the posts, because I had drilled holes into the supports and added bolts and the decorative S pieces were in the way. Paige noticed the "S" figures were missing and  asked me how I was going to mounts the "S" figures back into the supports with the new bolts that I had added to the supports. The new bolts did appear to be a problem with remounting the "S" figures. I simply told Paige that I was going to bend the "S" figures into "O" figures to get around the extra bolts. Deb jumped onto what I said then told him that we were going to add "BO" figures instead simply to get a rise out of me referring to the head of the libbrrrlll party in Washington whose name we never say in my house.  Paige beat me to it when he said BO stood for Bugger Off and would not be a good choice.  Paige's wisdom clearly goes beyond his years. See,  BO gets no respect from Canadians either.  We're heading to Phoenix in the morning to look at another motorhome which means I get to interface with Arizona people. Oh goody. I should find lots of stuff to talk about manana.  Merry Christmas to you and a libbbrrrlll free New Year to you all. I thought I would say that early just in case. Al

Latinos, Lane Drops--Palm Springs Dec 20. 2011

Danger, whining ahead. Turn back now while you have a chance.

I noticed something that really didn't surprise me. The nicest people that I have met here in the valley are Latinos. As a matter of fact, a large number of the Caucasians that I have met are callused butt for brains. Where I come from people are usually polite and considerate which is NOT the case that I have seen here. Things like this make me go hhhmm. Califunknia has many people here with what I call the "all about me" callused butt for brains. You know the type that honk their horns when they shouldn't, or won't let you into a lane while driving even though they can, or step on you in a crowded place simply because they would be inconvenienced. Astoundingly, a very small percentage of callused butt for brains that I have encountered in Califunknia have been Latino.  Hhhmmm. This type of fact makes a Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy stand and go hhmmm.
 
I noticed something else a couple days ago. Palm Springs roads have many sudden lane drops. I can't confirm this fact about the rest of the state but Coachella Valley is full of sudden lane drops.  I will be driving along in the right lane and wham a lane drops. The only warning sign is usually where the lane begins to merge and the lane is gone in less than 100 ft. I have said many times to myself, "Who was the idiot democrat that came up with this."  There is a lane drop on Hwy 111 less than 1/4 mile from the park where The Love Boat is moored. The lane drop occurs in front of a car dealership. About 200 feet after the lane drops the lane begins again. Hhmmm. It almost looks like the lane was dropped so the car dealership could have their sign in the road. Hhhmmm.  I'll bet the lane drop was necessary to not disturb a colony of nearly extinct worms that lives in that area in front of that dealership. I'll further bet you that the light in the sign provides needed illumination for the worms to nest during the hours of darkness. If those Occupy idiots wanted to be noticed they should campout on those stupid lane drop areas all over the valley. I'll bet removing that car dealerships sign would cause serious damage to the worm's chakras directly resulting in needed federal funding to understand why  worm chakras are so fragile.  It all makes perfect sense to me.  I think we could carry the lane drop ideas back to Raleighwood. We could drop a lane then in a couple hundred feet start the lane back. In that 200 feet we could put the postive accomplishments that libbbrrrlllls have given us in recent history. Maybe I should bring some of the worms from that car dealership to live in the barren waste lands where those lane drops would reside. Dang, I am struggling with libbrrrrlll jokes today.

That is it, I am done with whining today.  I promise better libbbrrrlll jokes next time.
Al

Santa and The Puppies, Film Festival. Dog Park--Palm Springs Dec 17, 2011

 The Puppies got to visit Santa Claus tonight in Cathedral City (click on the photo to enlarge it).  They were not sure at all about Santa but didn't raise too much cane because Deb bribed them or something.  Riley is on the right posing and Monty is saying with his eyes, "Get this democrat off me". Really he is--look closely.  Notice how The Puppies have laser beam eyes. They had those installed in Las Cruces. Actually, I didn't have time to run the photo through the photo changing software whatever it is called and make their laser beam eyes look normal. Let's just say that I don't usually take photos with laser beam eyes when I have a moment to adjust my camera properly. We were rushed to get through so some crackhead kids about 15 years old could ask Santa for parents who were not total idiots. 

Well the Palm Springs International Film Festival is scheduled for next month and will be held a short distance from us. A bunch of movie stars are attending like Brad Pitt, Charlize Theron, Patton Oswalt, John Wayne, and Elvis.  We likely will be on our way back to Raleighwood, but it might be fun to attend it and tell those people that I saw them on TV with their clothes off.   Maybe I should have the Raleighwood Big Old Dumb Southern Boy International We Saw You on TV Naked Film Festival in Raleighwood. Shoot half of those nitwits wouldn't know the difference.  Now wouldn't that be a hoot? If we stay here long enough to see this festival, let it be known  that none of these celebrity folks can stay with us, because The Love Boat's expressed rule is cocktail for six. dinner for four, and sleeps two. I don't care how many times I saw them on TV with their clothes off, rules are rules.  The Puppies would like to see some famous dogs, but I'm told Rosie O'Donnell wasn't invited--too bad Puppies. Good Lord, don't get me started talking about that big ole round democrat.


Speaking again of the Puppies, maybe some of the celebrities will be in town with their puppies. There is a dog park in Palm Springs that is famous for having celebrities that bring their ankle biters to run around. Monty and Riley are always looking to sniff new dog butt especially celebrity ankle biter dog butt. Monty might like to have bragging rights that he humped Brad Pitt's poodle.  Now Brad Pitt might not like it but Monty dern sure would.  Maybe we will go to the doggie park tomorrow and let The Wieners play redneck puppies in a California dog park. They have played that a few times and  like playing that game. You can dress The Puppies up but you can't take them out in public. If Rosie O'Donnell brought her dog by, The Puppies and myself would take turns peeing on her leg.
 
I was going to talk about the "all about me" knuckleheads that are so plentiful in California, but I think I will wait until next time. 


Surf's up dudes.
Al

Army Buddy, Rain, ---Palm Springs Dec 13, 2011

Some of you might remember my friend, Army Buddy. Army Buddy has been my friend since 1980 when we were temporarily stationed at Ft Irwin, CA which is a few hours north of us. Army Buddy has been a long distance truck driver since his divorce a few years ago.  He and I have gotten together  all over the US during our travels, and he visited us here in Palm Springs yesterday.  Deb and I picked him up, and Deb said we should go to the steak house in the casino near here for dinner. What I should tell you is that this casino is an Indian casino, and I despise giving them any money at all, but I thought what the heck for dinner. So off we go with Army Buddy to Agua Caliente "The Steakhouse".   What a ripoff.  This place sucked so hard that it keeps California from falling off into the ocean. The steaks were $38+ which didn't include ANY side items. The side items were $7 each. Yes a baked potato was $7.  The service was a joke as the waiters were pathetic and would have been fired from any other place.  The food at Outback was far, far better. Gosh do you think The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy is unhappy? Nahhh. I would have dropped my drawers and showed them my big ole hairy butt but Army Buddy was there. Of course Army Buddy has been with me a time or two in years past when I did something along the same magnitude but that was years ago, and I am now supposed to act civilized. Let's just say we got scalped.  Army Buddy liked his food and went away happy so all wasn't lost.  However, if you see a picture of a Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy with his pants dropped mooning the Indians' casino and money pit,you know that was me.

It rained here yesterday. Holy whampum (we do seem to have an Indian theme to this blog entry). It  rains here every second Tuesday of never but it did yesterday. We are in the dern desert. I took The Puppies to the vet here and when I walked in I noticed a towel on the floor in front of the door where doormats are usually placed back home where it rains a lot. The stores here must not need doormats because it never rains but it did yesterday while I was getting scalped at the Indian beef-a-joke-a-torium.  And it is cold here too.  I'm still waiting  for it to snow which would be a first for Palm Springs but not for unweatherly Big Ole Dumb Southern Boys. Cry me a river. Boo hoo water the flowers in front of the Indian casino.

Well that is about all that I should write today. I should get to bed and count Indians jumping over our bank account.  Yall have a great day tomorrow.
Al

Pilgrimage, Sunset---Palm Springs Dec 12, 2011

This morning we heard a crowd passing The Love Boat. It turns out the crowd was a group participating in Our Lady of Guadalupe Pilgrimage.   This crowd was something to see. The crowd stretched about 1/2 mile and were walking on a 32 mile pilgrimage through the valley. It looked like a lot of fun and I might have walked it too if I had known ahead of time. Here are a few pictures that you can enlarge by double clicking on them.

I think that these folks have a sense of religion and faith that is lacking so much in our society. Bravo to them.  Now you know that I haven't gotten all warm and fuzz which is not my character.  In the first photo, you will notice a cop. While The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy was taking these photos, an idiot walked up to that cop and had a heated talk with the cop.  As the situation progressed I understood what was transpiring. The peeved idiot was  waiting at that intersection to drive left through the crowd and the cops had stopped traffic for like five minutes. The idiot was bent out of shape that the cop would not let him through.  To further emphasize his idiocrary, the man walked away screaming and then turned around and showed both of his middle fingers to the cop. What an idiot.  I thought the cop would chase him and do an LAPD on him (not LAPD but small town cop) and beat him senseless but the cop did nothing but shake his head. So, I thought about this for a second and said hmmm to myself. This intersection was a cross section of America. The pilgrimage reflected positive and wonderful things for a large group of people while a single, disgruntled person showed ugliness and unwillingness to become part of something much larger and greater than himself. This butthead wanted to use the system (cop) to get his way regardless of the impact on this large group. Deb and The Puppies were standing watching this stupidity with me.  Monty looked up at me and told me (with his eyes) that I should drag the democrat butthead to the groomer for a 4 hour  bath and blow dry--that would fix his butt. Monty really did say democrat--honest.

The other day, we were coming out of a store somewhere in the valley about sunset, when we noticed an incredible sunset over the mountains. Here is a photograph of that sunset. That's me The Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy in the car. Deb took this photo.

Just before Deb caught this photo, which I think caught the moment nicely, she had the camera held up at arm's length trying to take the photo, but the camera was in one of those modes where it does whatever it wants to do and takes the photo when it wants to not when you want it to take. You know what I'm talking about.  So, she pushed the button and held it for a couple seconds and the camera was blinking and flashing and doing everything except taking the photo. Then  Deb turned the camera around to look at its front to guage the problem (I guess)  and of course the camera flashed and took this photo. Deb was blinded by the flash and a woman passing by yelled to Deb that she saw the whole thing. Deb is a bleach-bottle blond but sure acted like a real one.

Deb got into The Crapper and immediately knew that this photo would make it into the blog.

Well, I'm out of time for today. See Yall manana.

Groomers, Poopypants, Post Office---Palm Springs, CA Dec 10, 2011

We took The Puppies to a groomer for a bath, brushing, and paw rotation. This place is supposedly where President Gerald Ford took his dog or dogs. The Ford fact wasn't confirmed at presstime, but Deb told me so that makes it totally correct. Right?  The Puppies were not impressed some ex-presidential dogs got a bath at this place.  The Puppies would rather get neutered than have a bath.  Well they spent the whole day at the groomers and came back all fluffy, smelly, and mad. Of course Deb had to drop them off and pick them up. I didn't want The Puppies hating me for the rest of their lives. Several years ago we took The Puppies to a groomer on the outskirts of New Orleans which was a year or two before Katrina flattened the groomer's store--or maybe New Orleans' Katrina shoppers did. Anyway, we went to pick The Puppies up at the New Orleans groomers and walked into the place and The Puppies were on tables being blown dry by large hot air driers. Dude, The Puppies were really upset. What was funny was the hair that was floating all in the air inside that building. It was something to see. Hair was on everything including the groomers.  Oh well, The Puppies survived the presidential groomers too.

Speaking of The Puppies, we often walk on this trail that surrounds the park which is the same trail that The Puppies had their close encounter of the rabbit kind. Anyway, this woman with two ankle biter dogs, whom I will refer to her as  Poopypants without an explanation,  joined us as we got onto the trail.  The Puppies liked her dogs and wanted to sniff them, but Poopypants wanted no part of that situation. Poopypants uttered some feeble excuse and scurried up the walking trail trying to get away from us with the ankle biters in tow behind her like dinghys being towed behind a battleship (battleaxe actually).  Of course  this situation occurred before The Puppies went to the presidential groomers, and I guess they looked like barbarians or something to her.  Poopypants was hauling butt down the trail trying to get away. The Puppies were pulling on their leashes wanting to catch the ankle biters so they could hump them or somesuch. I don't know what The Puppies really wanted please ask them. Now The Puppies were not straining themselves too much but did want to pee on the ankle biters or something. Again, I don't know what they wanted. Well, Poopypants just kicked in 3rd gear and was running down the trail really unsociable like. Of course, dogs will be dogs, and one of the ankle biters just squatted and pooped while she was trying to drag the little feller down the trail. Poopypants was in a quandary as to whether she should stop and let The Barbarians catch her dogs or stop and let Ankle Biter #1 finish his democrat statue.  I think I heard The Barbarians giggling about now. Ole Poopypants quickly halted, reached down and snatched up the democrat statue and started running again which she might have succeeded until Ankle Biter #2 squatted in mid panic mode to make another democrat statue. Deb and I were laughing loudly about now and sped up to catch her. The Barbarians and us finally caught her and passed her without much fanfare. Poopypants was all bowed up and unhappy. Deb said something to her but I guess Poopypants was too peeved with her ankle biters to reply. Poor Poopypants. Now that I think about it, I think it would be better to say poor ankle biters.

Speaking of idjits, I had to fax something back to Raleighwood and didn't have a fax machine in The Love Boat. What you don't know is that we actually carry a combination printer, fax, and scanner in the basement area.  The idea is that Deb and I could have a mobile office. Except I took the dern thing out in  Raleigh so I could put different junk in its place. We historically never used the printer. Well duh.. So, I had to find an office supply store that had a fax. It just so happens a small, private supply house resided about 1/2 mile from The Love Boat. It took about 2 minutes to get to the place. When I walked in I noticed a sign that said "Official US Post Office". This place acted for a fee as the local post office and was about the size of a small convenience store but jammed with all kinds of office crap. The counter took up about 1/2 of the store and had a 2" by 12" hole cutout in the front of the counter about 2' office the floor. The cutout allowed people to put mail into a post office bin under the counter.  Just as I got up to the counter a guy with a post office uniform came in and walked around the counter and got underneath it busily putting letters that had fallen unto the floor into the bin. In walks a guy, we will call him Mr Genius,  about twenty years old with a huge boxful of mail from one of the car dealerships nearby.  Mr Genius walks up to the counter and was preparing to put the mail into the slot. Being a person that loves a good joke, I looked at the postman and said, "Looks like people want to fill it up faster than you can empty it".  The postman laughed and said that the bin was overflowing, and he was trying to get the mail into another bin.  I could see the postman's hands through the slot going like gangbusters picking up mail from the floor. Well Mr Genius had heard us but decided now was the time for him to put his armful of mail through the slot. I started laughing and looked at Mr Genius. It took Mr Genius about a minute to cram all of that mail a handful at a time through that slot while the postman was three feet from him under the counter picking the mail up off the floor. Mr Genius walked out and I had a good laugh at this. I asked the postman, "Dude I'm no rocket scientist but why didn't Mr Genius just hand you that box of mail since you are three feet from him". The guy that ran the store and the postman laughed and said that it happens a lot. The store owner said people would come in with huge envelopes or boxes and  couldn't but would try to cram the stuff through that mail slot even though the owner was on the other side of the counter.  I'll bet those idjits had BO for Prez bumperstickers on their Dodge Darts too.

See Yall later. I'll try and update more often.
Al

Palm Springs, The Puppies Celebrity, Rabbits, Presidents Dec 6, 2011

Yesterday, I was driving somewhere and was waiting for the stop light to change in the left turn lane.  A car pulled up beside me  on the right with the front of the car even with the passenger side window which has happened a thousand times in the past. I thought nothing of it. Then the car inched forward with the driver of the other car even to the passenger door of The Crapper. Ok, that go my attention.  My spidey sense was all tingly. So, I turned to look at the driver who was an elderly woman which should have been no biggie right? Through the closed Crapper's passenger door window and her closed driver's door window the woman was talking or mouthing words or something. Ok, my spidey sense stopped and my "You've got trouble" flag went up.  The I realized she wasn't Marcel Marceauing  me but at the rear window of The Crapper. Monty (half of The Puppies) was standing upright with his whole head out the window looking dead at the woman. The woman was talking to Monty, and I guess Monty could actually hear her. The lady must have recognized Monty's celebrity and was a traffic stopping fan. The Puppies get that type of behavior everywhere they go.

A couple nights ago,  Deb, The Puppies, and myself went for a walk. The path that we used is a local bike and pedestrian path that runs parallel to the park where we are staying.  During the walk, we noticed at least a dozen rabbits in a certain area along the path which runs parallel to another housing area that borders our park. Naturally The Puppies wanted to chase the rabbits and had a field day with their presence.  Deb and I refer to Monty as The Squirrelinator for his personal disdain for squirrels. Monty has never caught a squirrel but that hasn't stopped him from chasing plenty of them with the same gusto as John Edwards chasing skanks.  Well, The Squirrelinator is now known as The Rabbitinator. Monty tries to chase the rabbits, snorts, and pulls on his leash with the same disdain he has for squirrels which is almost like he lost his daddy in The Great Rabbit War and wants revenge.  Riley could care less because Riley merely wants to find something to pee on kind of like a democrat does to us.  Anyway, yesterday during our walk, we saw only a couple rabbits and wondered where the others were, then we noticed the coyote hiding in the dense brush about fifty feet from us.  Well Monty leaped into action and wanted the Coyoteinator medal pinned to his chest.  Surprisingly, the coyote ran. The Puppies are not exactly intimidating, but I guess if the situation boils down to fight or flight, flight wins with the coyote. Monty was all bowed up and snorting like a bull ready to chase red kerchiefed drunken idjits through the streets of Pomplona.   Monty is all show and no go but he likes to let us think he knows what he is doing kind of like a democrat.

So, I was driving The Crapper in the small strip mall near our park. It is my philosophy that people do stupid stuff all the time and shouldn't be harmed because of a temporary lapse in judment. Case in point the people that voted for democrats in 2008 thinking that "change" would was going to be a good thing.  But anyway, I was driving through the strip mall when an elderly gentleman walked out of Starbucks and stepped directing into The Crapper's path without looking for traffic. I was driving slowly and half expected an idjit to jump out out somewhere, so I wasn't too surprised.  I screeched to a halt inches from the man who turned and looked at me similar to what you would expect from a  mugshot of  a wide-eyed, drunken democrat caught soliciting a male prostitute.  The last sentence took a moment for me to word. You know the look where they obviously are surprised yet clueless. The man stared for a moment then  turned and began walking again totally oblivious to how close to death he had just come or even why he voted for a bunch of dern democrats a few years ago. These are moments that make me go hhmmm.

I met a gentleman here a few years ago that grew up in Hickory, NC where I grew up. I just saw him again, and we chit-chatted about a few things. The gentleman lives in Oregon and winters in Palm Springs.  What got my attention was when he said he was President Dwight Eisenhower's driver in Palm Springs. Eisenhower owned a home here in Palm Springs. After speaking with the gentleman, I found out he knew a few other presidents including President Gerald Ford who lived and died in Rancho Mirage, CA which is part of Coachella Valley (Palm Springs is in Coachella Valley).  I wondered if he knew Betty Ford, Ford's wife and first lady,  who founded The Betty Ford Clinic popular for sobering up rock stars and male prostitute soliciting  democrats.  This gentleman was a treat to talk with.  I am amazed at the interesting people that I find in our journeys--this gentleman included.

Well, that is about all of the democrat jokes that I can muster for today.  Have a great day.
Al

Palm Springs, Weather, Witchiepoo Junk, Redwood Lumber Dec 4, 2011

The weather here is cold. What in the world?  Daytime temperatures of 80 degrees are normal and became 60 degrees when we got here. This mess happened two years ago when we were here. This ain't funny and I want warm weather again. Shoot Raleighwood is warmer than this and I wouldn't have to put up with Californians. Oh man I just caught myself whining. I've been in Califunkia 10 minutes and the whining has consumed the Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy. Geez Louise.

A couple days ago, Witchiepoo came over and told Deb that she wanted our recycling.  I initially thought about it for a microsecond  and wondered if Witchiepoo was hording trash or something.  I wouldn't put it past Witchiepoo after seeing Casa Witchiepoo. After fifteen years of marriage, I have learned to allow  Deb to handle the indigenous natives. It is much easier than me buying new shoes after losing one in some nincompoop's butt.  So, I asked Deb if she had thought to ask Witchiepoo why she wanted our recycling, and Deb said so Witchiepoo could get money for it.  Well dern, Califunknia has a bottle and other recyclable stuff deposit law. The grocery stores charge a deposit on certain recyclables and give it back to you when you return the empty to the grocery store. This law has been tried many times in NC, but I am told the law was always defeated because it places an undue burden on grocery stores to store recyclable material. All the treehuggers just got their panties all bunched up after that last sentence.  Listen, I just parroted what I heard so sit your butt down. I don't need to buy  new shoes. Anwyay, Witchiepoo has an income stream returning pop bottles and stuff.  To enable Witchiepoo, Deb tied a bag onto the kitchen cabinet handles (GRRRRRR) to put this mess in to save it for Witchiepoo.  The bag isn't going over well with me, and I now have visions of saying to heck with it and letting Witchiepoo go through our trash.  GGGGRRRRR. I believe in doing what is right but where in the Sam Hill did I sign up to have Witchiepoo's trash collected at Casa Al; furthermore,  nor do I want to see our junk memorialized at Witchiepoo's Fred G. Sanford Birthplace, Flying Broom Emporium, and House of Repudiation.  This situation is going to take some thought. I'll update you on this trashy situation soon. GGRRRR.

Ok, you eastcoasters need to quit calling and texting me so early in the morning. Not to mention names, but my old friend whose initials are Dwight (Dwight's name finally showed up in the blog) called me really early today, on a Sunday morning,  not thinking what time it was in Califunknia. Of course Dwight wasn't the only one, I've had lots of people wake my old butt up early not thinking about the time difference. I must admit it doesn't bother me  but please remember Califunknia time.

Speaking of Dwight made me think about my visit to Lowe's yesterday. I walked through the building supplies and noticed all the nice redwood lumber available. Redwood lumber is an exotic lumber in Raleighwood and would never be in Lowe's at home.  I was building something at Deb's parents place yesterday and was using douglas fir lumber which is the standard here. Man that is some nice smelling wood as it reminds me of cedar.  I spoke to Dwight about it and wished we could get a few train car loads of redwood and douglas fir in Raleighwood but that is just wishful thinking.  My wish brings to mind an old poem:

If wishes were horses

Beggars would ride:

If turnips were watches

I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans,

The tinker would never work!

For you guys that don't understand Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy poetry (actually it ain't my poem), the poem means wishing  will never get you what you want only taking action will.  This has been your Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy public service announcement for today.

That is about all for today. I'll quit whining and get down to today's affairs. Do yourself a favor and put up more Christmas lights because you don't have enough up yet. Trust me, you ain't got enough lights up yet.  Next year when my Christmas display goes up, I will break the 100K bulb count easily.  So, put up some more lights.

Bye for now,
Al

Palm Springs Cold Weather, Walgreens, Witchiepoo Dec 3, 2011

I'll bet you thought I forgot about you. Well I did, but I can honestly say I've been busy and didn't have time. Oh geez, where do I start.

The weather here is cold. A couple days ago we had really high winds that made the duststorms fly outside of the valley (Coachella Valley). The winds here in the valley were pretty tough but no where near as bad outside the valley. The term for those winds are Santa Ana winds which are brought to us complements of Santa Claus or some other Santa or somesuch-who knows and really who cares. Before the storm,  I took The Crapper to the local car wash and $30 later all of the dog hair and road junk from the trip here were gone. That was the day that the winds started. Now The Crapper looks like I lived on a dirt road. Stupid duststorms. Maybe the givermint will hire somebody I can whine to about it. Geez, I've been in Liberalville all of a couple days, and now I'm acting live a democrat. Nope, it ain't gonna happen.

Speaking of democrats, Deb went into Walgreens tonight, and I stayed in The Crapper with The Puppies. Were calling them The Puppies because they were afraid they would get deported or something if we called them Los Perritos in front of a immigration officer which are thick as thieves in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California.  So, anyway, I was sitting in The Crapper with The Puppies waiting on Deb. Deb got her stuff and walked up to the cashier (till for my Canadian readers), and the cashier asked her if she was ready for a new president. Now how did that woman know that Deb was married to me?  Deb said yes and the woman made a smarty remark about electric cars too. Dern, I was sitting in the car while this was going on.  Deb was discombobulated and wondered how that woman got by with talking anti-Californian stuff to the customers.  Well La de da. A conservative in this den of librrrllllss?  How did that happen?  Dude, you can't sling a dead cat in this state without hitting a granola crunching, sandal wearing, librrrlll nincompoop.   I guess the cashier woman was evangelizing and trying to convert nincompoops before all is lost for them. Well dang, I should get a t-shirt with that woman's face on it.

Speaking of women, I should tell you about Witchiepoo. When we arrived in Librrrlllville, the lady that runs the park that we are in told us to go check out a few sites and see which site was suitable for refined Southern folks like ourselves. While Deb was talking to the manager lady, I  parked The Love Boat at the entrance and detached The Crapper from the tow bar. When Deb said that we had a couple places to look over, we all jumped into The Crapper and went exploring thinking The Love Boat would be difficult to navigate through narrow streets. The Puppies were riding around in the back seat with the window down sniffing and poking their noses out and doing general puppy stuff. We stopped at the first place, and Witchiepoo, who is a permanent resident in the park, came out and asked, "Can I help you?" Well I took one look at her and decided she was trouble with a capital T, and I was in no mood for nonsense after driving a gazillion miles in Librrrlllville. So, I did what I do best and ignored her and let Deb talk to her.  I should explain to you that for some reason (stuff bounces around in my empty head and can materialize into just about anything) this woman reminded me of Witchiepoo who was a character on a TV program named  H.R. Pufnstuf  back when I was a little conservative.  Anyway, Witchiepoo wanted to know why we were looking at the spot directly across from her Flying Broom trailer. I was afraid I was going to say something like, "I don't need any help and why don't you fly back to your cave, bat".  So, I let Deb handle her. Deb told her we were looking at this spot and others and preparing to dock The Love Boat in Witchiepoo's territory. Here again, I was in no mood for Witchiepoo to come over, lift up her leg, and spray our motorhome marking her territory. But she came over and acted nice and wanted to meet The Puppies. The Puppies thought she looked like Witchiepoo and was preparing to spray The Crapper and started barking at her. Witchiepoo stated she liked dogs and furthermore liked The Puppies. While we were docking The Love Boat into the spot, Witchiepoo came over and commented on my supreme Love Boat docking abilities and patted The Puppies again.. She was trying to soften me up or something--I guess. But I ignored her and let Deb talk to her. Deb's mom, who is a snowbird nearby, new about Witchiepoo and sort of reinforced what I had surmised about Witchiepoo. See, I know people. Anyway, the adventures of Witchiepoo continue but will have to wait until next time. Same Bat time, same Bat channel.

See yall,
Al








 

Palm Springs, CA Nov 30 ,2011

Hello from Palm Springs, California. The Puppies are ecstatic that they didn't have to wear their seatbelts today.  Yes, The Puppies have doggie seatbelts, and they detest them. Monty runs for cover whenever his harness comes out. Palm Springs means no seatbelts for a month. It also means no house rides either.  The Puppies are happy and so are we.

We are expecting high winds for the next couple of days which means a possible duststorm or rather another possible duststorm. The Love Boat is still nasty from the last storm. Oh goody.  With a little luck it shouldn't be too bad. Enough small talk, let's get down to the funny stuff.

I went to Lowe's today for some belated repair stuff for The Love Boat. I have gone into Lowe's at home a million times. Lowe's started in North Carolina near where I grew up and about the time I was growing up.  I saw something today that was plain weird and a first  A guy, in his mid forties, walked into Lowe's wearing only pants meaning no shoes or shirt.  He easily and quickly walked into the door and got an electric scooter and proceeded to roam around the store in an electric scooter for the handicapped. He clearly wasn't handicapped except for maybe between his ears.  I wondered which was worse, a non-handicapped person riding in a scooter or a half-naked, non-handicapped man riding in a scooter. Ok, a non-handicapped man riding in a scooter. Geez you would think I would be used to it by now. Nope and welcome to California.

That is all for today. It is late and I must admit I forgot to update the blog. Don't run down to Lowe's and ride scooters half-naked or something. I'll see you tomorrow.
Al