Holy mother. Today was full of stuff beyond belief. I will try to report the day objectively but there is only so much a Southern gentleman can take.
As I write this some jerk is shooting off fireworks. Monty and Riley don't care for fireworks and make our lives miserable during the festivities. Doggie tranquilizers are in order. Maybe I will take one too.
We are in the fanciest park that I can remember. It is Hacienda RV Resort and it is amazing. There is a mix of modest to ultra wealthy RVs in here. We are in the motorhome section. What is amazingly different is that behind us is the most expensive motorhome that I have have ever seen. It likely cost $1.5M to $2M dollars. Beside it are several $750K to $1M motorhomes. After we got here, Deb took Monty and Riley out on their leashes and waited for me while I connected up the utilities. The folks in the $1.5M+ motorhome came out and had a fit over the puppies. In Southernese, fit is mostly a good thing. In this case it was a good thing. They (fancy RV people) wanted to know all about the puppies and Deb obliged them. They were nice people from Oklahoma. We talked dogs, motorcoaches, traveling, and heart bypasses within 15 minutes. I kid you not.
We were in a Flying J today taking on fuel (we have already had this talk about cars getting gas and RVs taking on fuel). The Flying J Truck Stops all have a special, side lane for RVs. Now I will stop and give you some needed information. Our humble motorhome is 33 feet long. Behind The Love Boat is The Crapper,tow bars, and bike racks which total 20 feet. So the total length of The Love Boat and Crapper is 53 feet. Towing a car means you can only go forward due to the way the towed vehicle tracks the motorhome during a turn. This point is important. Backing up is a major, major, major problem with a car towed behind. A few feet is fine 20 feet is a major problem that requires removing the tow bars and driving the car away and reattaching the tow bars. This operation takes about 20 minutes and is not fun when unexpected. Are you still with me? Good, because here comes the point of this rambling paragraph. Remember backing up is a problem. Ok. We pulled into the Flying J and got into the RV lane behind another motorhome who was taking on fuel when a Quartzsite bound "motorhome" decided to come into the lane from the wrong direction. He had some stupid excuse that I won't bore you with but beyond all else he was coming in from the wrong direction towing a "car" too. The car was almost as old as me, but we will leave it at that. I pulled up to the pumps and the Jethro Bodine motorhome hurriedly pulled head to head with The Love Boat. I knew we had a problem but refused to do anything thinking this inbred person would back his contraption out and go about pestering some other person. Only he didn't.
I took on fuel which took about ten minutes then stopped to talk to the gentleman in the motorhome beside me to whom I had followed for the last 200 miles. No I'm not a stalker-good Lord. The other motorhome and myself shared a problem stretch of road with like kind vehicles. It is a motorhome thing. Let's leave it at that. Anyway, while I was talking to the gentleman, InbredBoy's wife came from behind The Love Boat and whined "Sir would you move so we can move in". I ignored the first 100 times she said it, then I told her that she should waddle back and tell InbredBoy to move because I couldn't and wouldn't back up. InbredBoy gets out of his InbredMobile and says that I can get around him. That is when I called upon my humble religious training to give me guidance. I asked myself what would Jesus do.
I imagined Jesus looking at InbredBoy and saying, "Yo, verily. I have traveled from afar and have forgiven many, many travelers already this day. I am weary. But if you do not move this mound of camel droppings from my way, I will take the jawbone of the ass you call a wife and go Moneychangers on you. You heard about me and the Moneychangers? Of course you did. Now back yourself up before you become a new verse in The Bible. Oh, and I forgive you too." The answer was clear. But before I could cast out my wishes, InbredBoy magically backed the InbredMobile up just enough to maybe allow me out. I'm a reasonable man, so I sent Deb out to make sure The Crapper didn't hit the pump, and she obviously didn't ask what would Jesus do because she and InbreadBoy and JawboneAss woman had words. I forgave all of them.
We went into Walmart tonight. You can see the store from our campsite. We needed groceries and Deb showed me something that was had to believe. It was a large chest style refrigerator with a sign on top that simply said 39 cents per pound. I looked inside and guess what I saw? No, it was not InbredBoy handcuffed and hogtied. You've been watching the Dexter series too much. It was a chest full of plastic wrapped, pig heads. There was a couple dozen laying in this freezer. I got Deb to photograph it and she said some guy told her how to cook them. It seems they boil them and put them on tamales. Yum yum. Deb said a couple store employees said they had never seen pig heads there before. Has our economy degraded our lifestyles to the point that we need to boil pig heads or is this a Mexican delicacy that I have never heard of? You could buy an entire pig head for $5. Deb asked the puppies if they wanted their own pig heads. I can see Monty and Riley running around with those pig heads on their heads peeing on stuff. That would be puppy trick or treat I guess. The folks in the fancy motorhomes would hide their dogs and shut their motor driven shades. Good times.
Happy New Year Yall.
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