Dude, we're off the coast of North Korea. I've worried the nut in North Korea would decide the international statement he wanted to make was torpedoing the big ole white boat the big ole dumb Southern boy was on (translated as my ship and me), but so far so good. I can't say I am too scared as I mooned him this morning (all puns intended). I just stuck my big ole dumb hairy butt off the poop deck and yelled, "Tune your satellites on this pointy-head". You might call that action Southern Boy diplomacy. Now you know why I'm not a Washington diplomat.
Last night we had formal night on the ship where big ole dumb Southern Boys dress up in monkey suits and act civilized or even grown-up for that matter for a while. We went to a "Captain's Circle" mixer where the captain got up and said some speech while we drank free mixed drinks. Now you know fully well that it didn't happen like that. But, if they called it "The Captain's Watered Down, Cheap Drinks Party", big ole dumb Southern Boys wouldn't attend. Since I have a San Andreas Fault running through my head, I didn't even get to drink the watered down drinks. Bummer. Deb drank mine and hers though. While we attended the monkey suit dressup ball, the captain introduced a couple that virtually lived on this ship. This couple from Victoria, BC had 148 cruises on Princess Cruise Lines. One of the crew told us the couple have spent the last four months on this ship. The last couple of days, one of the asinine things that we did was go to a Trivial Pursuit type of gathering. You know, the host asks questions and big ole dumb Southern Boys try and act interested, and it lasts 30 minutes and big ole dumb Southern Boy's wives get all warm and fuzzy inside. I stuck bamboo shoots under my fingernails to take away the pain of having to sit through it. Anyway, the Victoria couple without any life that I mentioned above, came to the twice daily Trivial Pursuit things with a book where they recorded all of the questions and answers from the past gazillion times they "played" the game. These cheaters always won the game thanks to their magic book and not their memory. Cheaters, cheaters, cheaters. Moron, morons, morons. Losers, losers, losers. Dude! Today after I finished sticking bamboo under my fingernails, a six year old kid that had been hanging around with our group decided to talk with us. The kid chit chatted with us for a few minutes then informed us the winners had cheated thanks to their book. Out of the mouth of a babe came wisdom.
Chatty Cathy sat on the opposite side of the dinner table last night virtually out of ear shot of me. Rich (1/2 of the nice California couple I mentioned days ago) took one for the team and sat next to her. After dinner, Rich looked like somebody had put a bag over his head with a angry, wet cat in it. He had been emotionally clawed for hours. Poor Rich. Chatty Cathy had enlightened him with her problems about eye makeup, doctor visits, and all grades of nuclear emotional waste. Rich was peeved and with good reason. Personally, I think we should do with Chatty Cathy what the kid said we should do with the Canadian Cheaters, and drop her overboard. Chatty Cathy would wash up on North Korea's shore and commence to bombarding the North Koreans with her stories. You might call that torture worse than waterboarding.
After dinner last night, we went to the lounge and listened to the band. A Japanese couple got up and danced a few times. The woman would bend her back almost at a right angle and grimace like she was in pain while the guy acted like The Iron Chef all business like. He would spin her round and round like she was a propeller on a helicopter. A grimacing propeller but a propeller. Deb and I got up and impersonated them and poked some well deserved international fun at them. Would you expect anything else from me? I am certain this couple learned all of their dance moves at Althul Mullay (Japanese Authur Murray) or some nonsense place like that. Good Lord, I think that Japanese couple should quit watching round-eye television and get a life.
Tomorrow we dock in Vladivostok, Russia which should be interesting. See Yall later.
Al
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