We made it to Shanghai. It took a little effort and some blind luck but we made it. This big ole, dumb, Southern boy sticks out here like, well, a big ole dumb Southern boy in Shanghai. Shoot, everywhere we go I am the center of attraction, mainly because I am at least a foot taller than anyone else in the crowd. They must think I'm a real life Godzilla and going to squirt fire out of my mouth or something. Let's just say the spitting fire out my mouth almost happened earlier in the day.
When we arrived at the airport, this morning, we had the first of several hours of delays due to the weather in Chicago. After several hours of delay, we finally did board the aircraft for the Raleigh to Chicago leg of the trip. Deb and I were sitting in our seats as this Hip Hop Hat Boy came onboard with this huge bag and was tried to jam it into an overhead compartment a couple seats to our back. Well Hip Hop Hat Boy couldn't get bagzilla to fit in the compartment there, so he used his massive brain power and decided the jamming would be easier in the compartment above my head. Hip Hop Hat Boy then attempted to force the huge bag into that compartment up until he decided to drop it on my head. What you may or may not know is that I have a small, skull fracture from earlier in the week. No, I don't have a small skull just a small fracture which by all means should be a large fracture had it not been for a intuitive gentleman that grabbed the bag in just the nick of time. You should have seen the gentleman's face when he found out he not only saved me from a headache, but likely a brand new trip to the hospital, or should I say trip number two to the hospital. May I say thank you to that gentleman again with all of my head. Hip Hop Hat Boy needs to have his butt stomped. Idiot. Democrat. Oh my, I got the democrat joke in the second paragraph. Did you see that one coming?
We finally got to Chicago with most of my skull intact and boarded the plane to China--the slow plane to China. The Chicago to China flight was 14 hours long--very long. Geez Louise, I am glad I don't have to fly distances like that often. Modern day flying is a treat all to itself. I couldn't move but about 3 inches in each direction and the places where I used to go stand in order to get up out of the seat, are now forbidden. I guess the flight attendants don't like it or some lawyer made it impossible for us by suing some airline. Anyway, I was the sardine in seat 204a and Deb was the blond sardine in seat 204b. I will cover the blond part tomorrow.
So we finally got to Shanghai and to our hotel which was super duper nice. It was surprisingly luxurious. The rooms and public areas of the hotel were lined with marble and fine antiques. The fine antiques part was significant since we stayed on The Bund. The Bund was the western financial district in Shanghai until the second world war when the Japanese occupied it and kicked some butt. The 70's movie Empire of the Sun would be worth your time to watch to fully understand the last sentence. Anyway, the hotel had all kinds of neat electronic things that Deb ran around turning on and irritating the crap out of me. Furthermore, the room had all kinds of free stuff that Deb again ran around opening and trying. As you might already know, I am a licensed plumber-a plumber that doesn't do much plumbing anymore. It was something I did before I discovered college. The reason I mentioned my plumbing license is because I keep up with the new plumbing fixtures and appliances. Toto makes a toilet seat that is popular in Asia but hasn't caught on in the US. This hotel had one installed in the bathroom. This seat has a temperature and computer controlled water jet in the front and rear of the seat for "rear washing". It is kind of a bidet and crack washer in one. After a good crack washing and to further enhance your crack washing pleasure , you simply push another button and a tiny, built in blow dryer will blow dry and style your butt hair. I lied it won't style your hair just dry it. You have to manually comb you own butt hair. I kid you not, it squirted water and bowled dry your butt crack. It was kind of like sitting on a drinking fountain with hot air jets. This thing had a wall mounted controller with temperature settings, knobs, switches, and midgets on call. And to further enhance your toileting pleasure, the toilet seat was heated. Now I can assure you The Star Wars Toilet Seat ain't going to show up at Casa Al any time soon even though Deb said she wanted one. Nope it ain't going to happen. I can just see me asking for that monstrosity at the plumbing supply house. The gentlemen in there would have a field day laughing at me. It ain't going to happen.
I will stop for today. We board the boat tomorrow night and stay one additional day in Shanghai. See Yall tomorrow.
Al
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