Palm Springs, Weather, Witchiepoo Junk, Redwood Lumber Dec 4, 2011

The weather here is cold. What in the world?  Daytime temperatures of 80 degrees are normal and became 60 degrees when we got here. This mess happened two years ago when we were here. This ain't funny and I want warm weather again. Shoot Raleighwood is warmer than this and I wouldn't have to put up with Californians. Oh man I just caught myself whining. I've been in Califunkia 10 minutes and the whining has consumed the Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy. Geez Louise.

A couple days ago, Witchiepoo came over and told Deb that she wanted our recycling.  I initially thought about it for a microsecond  and wondered if Witchiepoo was hording trash or something.  I wouldn't put it past Witchiepoo after seeing Casa Witchiepoo. After fifteen years of marriage, I have learned to allow  Deb to handle the indigenous natives. It is much easier than me buying new shoes after losing one in some nincompoop's butt.  So, I asked Deb if she had thought to ask Witchiepoo why she wanted our recycling, and Deb said so Witchiepoo could get money for it.  Well dern, Califunknia has a bottle and other recyclable stuff deposit law. The grocery stores charge a deposit on certain recyclables and give it back to you when you return the empty to the grocery store. This law has been tried many times in NC, but I am told the law was always defeated because it places an undue burden on grocery stores to store recyclable material. All the treehuggers just got their panties all bunched up after that last sentence.  Listen, I just parroted what I heard so sit your butt down. I don't need to buy  new shoes. Anwyay, Witchiepoo has an income stream returning pop bottles and stuff.  To enable Witchiepoo, Deb tied a bag onto the kitchen cabinet handles (GRRRRRR) to put this mess in to save it for Witchiepoo.  The bag isn't going over well with me, and I now have visions of saying to heck with it and letting Witchiepoo go through our trash.  GGGGRRRRR. I believe in doing what is right but where in the Sam Hill did I sign up to have Witchiepoo's trash collected at Casa Al; furthermore,  nor do I want to see our junk memorialized at Witchiepoo's Fred G. Sanford Birthplace, Flying Broom Emporium, and House of Repudiation.  This situation is going to take some thought. I'll update you on this trashy situation soon. GGRRRR.

Ok, you eastcoasters need to quit calling and texting me so early in the morning. Not to mention names, but my old friend whose initials are Dwight (Dwight's name finally showed up in the blog) called me really early today, on a Sunday morning,  not thinking what time it was in Califunknia. Of course Dwight wasn't the only one, I've had lots of people wake my old butt up early not thinking about the time difference. I must admit it doesn't bother me  but please remember Califunknia time.

Speaking of Dwight made me think about my visit to Lowe's yesterday. I walked through the building supplies and noticed all the nice redwood lumber available. Redwood lumber is an exotic lumber in Raleighwood and would never be in Lowe's at home.  I was building something at Deb's parents place yesterday and was using douglas fir lumber which is the standard here. Man that is some nice smelling wood as it reminds me of cedar.  I spoke to Dwight about it and wished we could get a few train car loads of redwood and douglas fir in Raleighwood but that is just wishful thinking.  My wish brings to mind an old poem:

If wishes were horses

Beggars would ride:

If turnips were watches

I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans,

The tinker would never work!

For you guys that don't understand Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy poetry (actually it ain't my poem), the poem means wishing  will never get you what you want only taking action will.  This has been your Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy public service announcement for today.

That is about all for today. I'll quit whining and get down to today's affairs. Do yourself a favor and put up more Christmas lights because you don't have enough up yet. Trust me, you ain't got enough lights up yet.  Next year when my Christmas display goes up, I will break the 100K bulb count easily.  So, put up some more lights.

Bye for now,
Al

Palm Springs Cold Weather, Walgreens, Witchiepoo Dec 3, 2011

I'll bet you thought I forgot about you. Well I did, but I can honestly say I've been busy and didn't have time. Oh geez, where do I start.

The weather here is cold. A couple days ago we had really high winds that made the duststorms fly outside of the valley (Coachella Valley). The winds here in the valley were pretty tough but no where near as bad outside the valley. The term for those winds are Santa Ana winds which are brought to us complements of Santa Claus or some other Santa or somesuch-who knows and really who cares. Before the storm,  I took The Crapper to the local car wash and $30 later all of the dog hair and road junk from the trip here were gone. That was the day that the winds started. Now The Crapper looks like I lived on a dirt road. Stupid duststorms. Maybe the givermint will hire somebody I can whine to about it. Geez, I've been in Liberalville all of a couple days, and now I'm acting live a democrat. Nope, it ain't gonna happen.

Speaking of democrats, Deb went into Walgreens tonight, and I stayed in The Crapper with The Puppies. Were calling them The Puppies because they were afraid they would get deported or something if we called them Los Perritos in front of a immigration officer which are thick as thieves in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California.  So, anyway, I was sitting in The Crapper with The Puppies waiting on Deb. Deb got her stuff and walked up to the cashier (till for my Canadian readers), and the cashier asked her if she was ready for a new president. Now how did that woman know that Deb was married to me?  Deb said yes and the woman made a smarty remark about electric cars too. Dern, I was sitting in the car while this was going on.  Deb was discombobulated and wondered how that woman got by with talking anti-Californian stuff to the customers.  Well La de da. A conservative in this den of librrrllllss?  How did that happen?  Dude, you can't sling a dead cat in this state without hitting a granola crunching, sandal wearing, librrrlll nincompoop.   I guess the cashier woman was evangelizing and trying to convert nincompoops before all is lost for them. Well dang, I should get a t-shirt with that woman's face on it.

Speaking of women, I should tell you about Witchiepoo. When we arrived in Librrrlllville, the lady that runs the park that we are in told us to go check out a few sites and see which site was suitable for refined Southern folks like ourselves. While Deb was talking to the manager lady, I  parked The Love Boat at the entrance and detached The Crapper from the tow bar. When Deb said that we had a couple places to look over, we all jumped into The Crapper and went exploring thinking The Love Boat would be difficult to navigate through narrow streets. The Puppies were riding around in the back seat with the window down sniffing and poking their noses out and doing general puppy stuff. We stopped at the first place, and Witchiepoo, who is a permanent resident in the park, came out and asked, "Can I help you?" Well I took one look at her and decided she was trouble with a capital T, and I was in no mood for nonsense after driving a gazillion miles in Librrrlllville. So, I did what I do best and ignored her and let Deb talk to her.  I should explain to you that for some reason (stuff bounces around in my empty head and can materialize into just about anything) this woman reminded me of Witchiepoo who was a character on a TV program named  H.R. Pufnstuf  back when I was a little conservative.  Anyway, Witchiepoo wanted to know why we were looking at the spot directly across from her Flying Broom trailer. I was afraid I was going to say something like, "I don't need any help and why don't you fly back to your cave, bat".  So, I let Deb handle her. Deb told her we were looking at this spot and others and preparing to dock The Love Boat in Witchiepoo's territory. Here again, I was in no mood for Witchiepoo to come over, lift up her leg, and spray our motorhome marking her territory. But she came over and acted nice and wanted to meet The Puppies. The Puppies thought she looked like Witchiepoo and was preparing to spray The Crapper and started barking at her. Witchiepoo stated she liked dogs and furthermore liked The Puppies. While we were docking The Love Boat into the spot, Witchiepoo came over and commented on my supreme Love Boat docking abilities and patted The Puppies again.. She was trying to soften me up or something--I guess. But I ignored her and let Deb talk to her. Deb's mom, who is a snowbird nearby, new about Witchiepoo and sort of reinforced what I had surmised about Witchiepoo. See, I know people. Anyway, the adventures of Witchiepoo continue but will have to wait until next time. Same Bat time, same Bat channel.

See yall,
Al








 

Palm Springs, CA Nov 30 ,2011

Hello from Palm Springs, California. The Puppies are ecstatic that they didn't have to wear their seatbelts today.  Yes, The Puppies have doggie seatbelts, and they detest them. Monty runs for cover whenever his harness comes out. Palm Springs means no seatbelts for a month. It also means no house rides either.  The Puppies are happy and so are we.

We are expecting high winds for the next couple of days which means a possible duststorm or rather another possible duststorm. The Love Boat is still nasty from the last storm. Oh goody.  With a little luck it shouldn't be too bad. Enough small talk, let's get down to the funny stuff.

I went to Lowe's today for some belated repair stuff for The Love Boat. I have gone into Lowe's at home a million times. Lowe's started in North Carolina near where I grew up and about the time I was growing up.  I saw something today that was plain weird and a first  A guy, in his mid forties, walked into Lowe's wearing only pants meaning no shoes or shirt.  He easily and quickly walked into the door and got an electric scooter and proceeded to roam around the store in an electric scooter for the handicapped. He clearly wasn't handicapped except for maybe between his ears.  I wondered which was worse, a non-handicapped person riding in a scooter or a half-naked, non-handicapped man riding in a scooter. Ok, a non-handicapped man riding in a scooter. Geez you would think I would be used to it by now. Nope and welcome to California.

That is all for today. It is late and I must admit I forgot to update the blog. Don't run down to Lowe's and ride scooters half-naked or something. I'll see you tomorrow.
Al

Tonopah, AZ Givermint RV Park and Bohunkville, Nov 28, 2011

Dude, don't even ask me where we are because I ain't sure. Let's just say you go to Phoenix and go westbound until your patience for driving is 99% gone and here you are--Tonopah, AZ.  Driving through "town" took about 5 microseconds and was more like a big truckstop than a town. But the RV park is first rate. Deb said it was built by the givermint and was used for housing of workers constructing a nuke plant or somesuch. The givermint sold it to these guys and so we have a nice RV park in the middle of Godawfulville right down the road from Armpit, AZ. Dude. Please allow me to thank you all for your tax dollars in making my stay in Godawfulville a nice one.

While driving today, we decided that The Puppies needed to use the little puppies' room. I found an exit off the interstate and sailed The Love Boat into a port in the storm. The building at the exit was a "convenience" store with what looked to be tractor trailer truck parking.  So, I sailed The Love Boat into troubled waters thinking that any place a tractor trailer truck can go so can I. After turning in,  I immediately noticed that the truck parking was  back in only truck parking which is fine for tractor trailers but not for a motorhome pulling a car  and there was no way to turn around. Motorhomes towing cars can't back up due to the towbar. Yep, this situation was not good. I pulled the motorhome into a space nose first and got out and surveyed the situation. I guess motorhomes don't stop in Bohunkville Grocery very often because we were a spectacle. I walked around and found a field nearby that was large enough to turn around in. So, Deb and I used Emergency Love Boat Measure Number 1 which means she gets into The Crapper (which remains connected to the motorhome) and steers The Crapper while I push it backwards with the motorhome. This action was today's entertainment for Bohunkville Grocery as the town's population came outside to watch. Yes there were 10 people with 20 legs and 15 total teeth watching Deb ride in The Crapper. The operation took a few minutes, but The Love Boat pushed back enough to allow me to point it into the field and turn it around. After we got it turned around, I thought seriously about going outside and dropping my drawers and showing them my backside but that might have resulted in banjos, canoes, pig squealing, and unpleasantness.  So I didn't, but I wanted to.

That's it for today. Tomorrow is Palm Springs, CA and our stopping point for a month. See you tomorrow.
Al

Las Cruces, NM Coffee Dude Nov 27, 2011

Oh lovely. My day started off just peachy. We woke up at what our bodies thought was 8:30am but was actually 6:30am local time. I haven't had any decent coffee in a week, so we decided to go to Starbucks. Having not had a bath and looking like that grandmother from last night licked us and put us in the car, we decided to go through the drive through lane at Starbucks. I rolled down the window and spoke to Chatty Drive Through Cathy on the intercom. I would say a word and Chatty Drive Through Cathy would interrupt me. This process went on until Chatty Drive Through Cathy decided that I was mad enough and let me talk--finally. Chatty Drive Through Cathy had the local dialect that is so common in this area in which they sort of chant when they talk. A good way to describe it is for you to say Hiawatha and chant each syllable slowly with a beat--Hi A Wath A. Anyway, Chatty Drive Through Cathy finally shut up and let me order. I drove up to the drive through window and the window opened and Mr Drive Through Thing stuck his head out and chanted, "You had....." Well  I guess Mr Drive Through Thing was male as I couldn't actually tell.  I looked up at him and started to say, "Dang, I'll bet your mama is proud of you".  Mr Drive Through Thing had short cropped hair and looked like Drew Carey but had on glasses that normally is only worn by old Jewish women. There should be a law against something that freaky scaring the beJesus out of me first thing in the morning.  After I forced myself to be nice to Mr Drive Through Thing I got our coffee and drove off. Even though I ordered a large cappuccino, I swear the coffee was one swallowfull.  The rest of this huge cup was foam. I asked myself what kind of hippy crap is this? I started to go back and complain but that obviously meant I would have to talk to Mr Drive Through Thing and worse yet some hippy manager to which I would rather  contract diarrhea than do. So we left and went to another coffee shop, where I got a coffee from a  girl that spoke English with a nice metre.  Coffee in hand, we went back  to The Love Boat for breakfast. I opened the refrigerator and the stupid door fell off. I swear it fell into the floor. By now I was wondering if I had blasphemed the chakra god or something. The huge screw that acts as a hinge had vibrated out.  I picked up the stupid door and Deb helped me put it back on.  Some days start better than others.

Our campground has a huge doggie park that Los Perritos are enjoying. Los Perritos have a big fenced-in yard at home and obviously miss it. Monty runs around barking in the doggie park something that we think translates into "oh boy". He doesn't do that at home, but he is vacation so I guess it is alright.  Deb took them to the doggie park last night about 10:30pm, and I heard Monty from The Love Boat. Monty was determined to have fun regardless of the hour, and he wanted the whole park to know of his fun. Deb told him to hush and he did just that. I wish Deb could do that for those Occupy nitwits.  Los Perritos slept well last night being  tired from running around playing  Roadrunner and Coyote but where the Roadrunner gets caught by the  coyote and chomps on the Roadrunner's tail.  Anyway, Los Perritos are having fun--finally.

We went to White Sands Missile Base today. There is a museum there which was closed, but we got to walk around in their missile display and boy was that something. On display was a prototype of Fatboy which were  the A-bombs dropped on Japan. Deb and I were enthralled with the display. We were also told that five rattlesnakes were found in the display yesterday. So, Deb kept watch for snakes. I, however, was not concerned since I live in NC, and we have a democrat governor which is far worse than a rattlesnake. I heard there is a tour of the area where surface A-bomb testing was performed decades ago. We didn't have the time during this visit but likely will when we return in January.  Oh boy. We left the missile base and went to White Sands Monument.

White Sands Monument is actually part of the missile base but yet a national park. The park's sand looks like snow drifts which gives it the name. The white comes from gypsum and really reminded me of Myrtle Beach, SC. We got out and walked around this huge park and climb up on some dunes. The park is sixty miles from Las Cruces and in the middle of nowhere.

Tomorrow we will be back on the road to California. Even though we are within one day's drive, we will stay in Quartsite, AZ overnight so we can arrive in Palm Springs during the daylight hours. Quartsite is an armpit town on the AZ/CA border full of characters. So, tomorrow should be fun.
Al

Las Cruces, NM Sandstorm, Pig Heads, Sshshhshshh Nov 26, 2011

Oh my what a day today was. We left Abilene, TX at about 8am and immediately became aware of the wind. The wind was coming from our side at 35 MPH and gusting to 55 MPH. I got those numbers via the weather radio. The wind would push us very quickly to the side, and I was worried we would flip over with a large gust, so we had to slow down.  As we adjusted to the wind, the tumbleweeds started blowing across the interstate, and we dodged the tumbleweeds like we were playing Pacman. Oh this went on for about 25 miles then the ugly part started. The wind made a dust storm that lasted for over 150 miles. Visibility was about 500 feet for a 100 miles and  100 feet or less for over 50 miles. The limited visibility meant that we might hit something or be hit by something.  I have been in sandstorms before but not one of this magnitude. What a day. We stopped for gas at a truck stop and The Love Boat and The Crapper were covered in dust. Tomorrow I plan on checking the engine's air filter and replacing it. Oh man what a storm.

I should have started this entry with where we are. We are in Las Cruces which is about 800 miles or so from Palm Springs. We are staying here tomorrow and leaving for Palm Springs on Monday. We are now on Interstate 10. We left home on Interstate 40, then we left Little Rock on Interstate 30, then transferred somewhere to Interstate 20, and finally wound up on Interstate 10. If my calculations are correct, we should be on Interstate 0 on Monday and Interstate -10 on Tuesday. Oh before I forget, gasoline was $2.97 in several places in Texas which is considerably cheaper than when we left Raleigh. Alright, enough with this nonsense, let's get down to the funny stuff.

We took a little trip to Walmart for water and food. I am sorry to say that no pig heads were in the freezer there like the last visit to Las Cruces. Los Perritos (The Puppies) are heartbroken. If you remember from our last visit 2 years ago, Walmart had an entire freezer section of pig heads. I understand Mexicans use the pig heads to cook some kind of food like tamales during the holidays. I am venturing a guess it was for New Years which would explain Walmart being pig headless.  Los Perritos wanted to run around the campground with the pig heads as Halloween masks and trick or treat with them. I guess it will have to wait until we come through again in January. Poor Puppies.

We went out to dinner at a place in the historic part of Las Cruces tonight. The name of the place is regardless, but what happened while we were waiting to be seated was amazing. The wait time was about 15 minutes, and we waited with several other people. One woman was seated with her 18 month old daughter, her mother, and a few other family members. The kid was squealing laughing like kids can do. At some point the kid dropped her pacifier on the floor of the restaurant. The grandmother picked up the "binky" and licked it clean and put it into the kid's mouth. Nasty. I'm not sure what was worse the nastiness from the floor or the grandmother's spit all over it. Any woman that would lick something "clean" that was dropped on the floor of a restaurant would stick dern near anything into her mouth. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Nasty. I'll bet that woman had a BO for president bumpersticker on her car. We are not in Texas anymore. Nasty woman.

When we stopped for gas today, we decided to eat at the Denny's restaurant at the truck stop. We were in a sandstorm and couldn't exactly see anyplace else to stop. We went into the restaurant and were seated. The waitress walked up to us about 15 minutes later and said, "Shhssahhh shhesss shssses ssshhddd".  Deb and I looked at each other and tried to tell if the other understood what she said. Deb told her she wanted a glass of water, and I thought it was a good idea and said me too. The waitress said, "Sshhhehh shhhsshhhs shhhshshhs" and left and went somewhere.  Evidently the waitress understood what we said and returned a day or two later with a couple water glasses.  She said, "Shhhsshs shshshhh shhsheheh" and Deb and I looked at each other again. By now I thought she was Apache or somesuch and was communicating to us in Apache talk or something. Deb thought she had destroyed her brain eating Indian fry bread or something. Deb took the lead and told her she wanted something breakfast like and the waitress said, "Shhhhsh shhhshshs  shhhssh" each time Deb stopped talking for a second or two. I then extrapolated that I should order my food when the waitress looked at me and said, "Shhshshhh shshshhh shshshshs" at me. I told her I wanted an apple pecan salad that was on the menu. The waitress said, "Shshhshh shsshhhs balsamic shshhsshsh"? Notice the question mark at the end or what she said? I figured she was asking if I wanted the balsamic vinegar salad dressing that was on the menu. So I said yes. The waitress went back to what I believe was the kitchen but it could have been the democrat convention headquarters for all I know.  A day or two later the waitress comes back with our food and she put the salad in front of me along with a cereal bowl full of balsamic vinegar salad dressing. I am not kidding, you could float a portion of Cherrios in that bowl of salad dressing. I looked up at Deb, then the waitress, then back at the cereal bowl of salad dressing. The waitress said, "Shhshs shhsshhh shshhsh" and departed for the democrat convention headquarters again. I guess truck drivers get all cranky if they can't float Cheerios in their salad dressing or something. But guess this, the dressing was really sweet like sugar had  been added to it. Great Ceasar's ghost. I would have asked the waitress what I was supposed to do with a fishbowl of  sweet dressing, but I figured I wouldn't understand her anyway. So, I counted my blessings and decided it wasn't all bad because it didn't have any sand in it which that fact alone was amazing with all that sand blowing around in the parking lot and half of Texas.

See Yall tomorrow.
Al

Abilene, Texas Cedar Trees, Idjits, Signs in Spanish Nov 25, 2011

We are officially over halfway to California. We plan to slow down and spend an extra day in Las Cruces, NM so The Puppies (Los Perritos as they like being called now) can get pig heads and go trick or treating. If you don't know what that means, you should look up Las Cruces in the  blogs archive from two years ago


We pulled into an  RV park which is very similar to many RV parks that we have visited. This one is really near the interstate, and as I write this I can clearly hear the traffic from the interstate that is 75 feet from The Love Boat. I am not kidding we are about 75 feet from the interstate. When we pulled into the park, Deb went in to register and the lady assigned us a campsite a couple up from us on this row closest to the interstate. Deb told her that the noise would be a problem, so the woman said she would put us behind the cedar trees instead. It turns out all of the "pull through" sites are in the row next to the interstate. Anyway, RV Park Genius woman actually thought it would be less noisy if a couple twenty foot cedar trees separated us from the road. Well duhhh. Deb came back to the RV and told me what the woman said, and I wanted to go in and ask her when her shift with the Occupy Abilene nitwits was scheduled. Good lord where do these people hatch?

While driving here today, we stopped into a truck stop to take on fuel or get gas as you landlubbers say. When I turned in I immediately noticed that I couldn't get out without some serious maneuvering of The Love Boat. I should stop here and explain that The Love Boat is 33 feet long and has 16 feet of car and trailer hitch behind it. The Love Boat takes lots of space to maneuver, and this truck stop had very little space since this was where the cars get gas and there were 4011 million cars playing Chinese Fire Drills all over the place. To make matters far worse, the pumps were pumping very slowly forcing me to block an entrance. The dam broke or something and idjits (for my Canadian friends idjit is a cross between and idiot and a jit whatever a jit is) were  all over the place cutting between us and the car ahead (6 feet if that) and climbing over the bushes behind us trying to get around The Love Boat.  Normally I would have felt bad blocking an entrance to this place but I was trapped and couldn't back up. However, to my defense, there were two other entrances and exits directly  beside the blocked entrance that the idjits didn't want to use for some reason. I thought it was because I had the idjit entrance blocked and the idjits could only go and come by that entrance.  The situation was so stupid that I thought about getting out a copy of The Democrat Gazette from Arkansas and going  over and smacking the idjits on the nose with the rolled up newpaper--if you want to call that a newspaper. When I finally did make it to the pump (15 minutes elapsed) the pump took 20 minutes to fill the tanks. As miracles or luck would happen as we readied to leave, God parted the Great Sea  of Idjits to which I cast off anchors and maneuvered The Love Boat amongst the remaining idjits. We were out in 3 minutes or less. Oh what a fun time was had by all. I would rather slide down a sandpaper coated sliding board  into a vat of turpentine than try that again.

I noticed something else today. Signs along the interstate in Spanish I can read. Go figure. I was reading them and didn't realize I was reading them. Spanish classes are paying off. I have a long way to go but am happy for what I have learned.

We should be in Las Cruces, NM tomorrow if all goes well. Deb wants to spend a day there exploring and Los Perritos (The Puppies) want to trick or treat with their pig heads if Walmart has them. I need to find another pair of longhorn steer horns to mount on the front of The Love Boat, so it actually would be nice to stop for another day in Las Cruces. If you remember from our last trip out, Las Cruces has an RV park there with extremely expensive motorhomes. This was the place that we met the couple with the $2,000,000 motorhome. Las Cruces means crosses in Spanish so I wonder where the name came from? We shall see.

Adios amigos. Hasta luego.
Al